Remember Me, Even If I Don't Remember You
by chrystaline
Summary: COMPLETE AU: Severus starts seeing a memory wall when the Dementors are around. Does it have anything to do with the odd feelings of fatherly affection he has been having towards one Harry Potter? Year 3. Sevitus.
1. Prologue

A single naked light bulb swung lazily overhead, its illumination bringing the shadowy denizens that lurk in the darkest nightmares to life. A painful, heart-wrenching howl of a baby ricocheted around the room as a cloaked man stumbled in. His eyes were wild and his long, limp hair in messy tangles as he made his way to the wailing baby.

"Hush, Harry," he whispered, as the baby's cries reached its zenith. "Daddy's here."

Baby Harry's terrified cries subsided to whimpers as Severus cradled him close to his body. Tears ran freely down his face as his own choked sobs rang in the silence of the room. This was it. There was no turning back. The very thought sent tremors through him and Harry squirmed uncomfortably in his arms.

Severus kissed his Harry's forehead as he placed the baby gently back into his crib. Harry giggled as Severus tickled his stomach gently and Severus felt the little of his dinner threaten to expel as vertigo gripped him. His breath came in harsh gasps as the plain, whitewashed walls seemed to close him on him. The shadows cast by the light became the prowling creatures of the night that seemed to track him with murderous and bloodthirsty eyes.

"Harry," he rasped. "Daddy can't be here for you anymore. But don't worry, nothing's going to harm you. He's not going to get you. I won't allow it. As long as I have a breath in me, as long as I have my magic intact, I will protect you." He caressed his son's soft locks.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," he croaked as the door creaked open. His heart hammered in his chest. "Remember me, even if I don't remember you." Severus stayed, watching his son gaze up at him with bright green eyes, her eyes, as a gently hand descended on his shoulder.

"It's time."

Severus looked up into the kind and sorrowful eyes of his mentor. The familiar sparkle that always resided in those crystal blue orbs were gone, replaced, instead, by anguish and sympathy.

"Look after them for me, Albus," Severus murmured as silent tears coursed down his face. He cast another despairing glance at his son. "Give them what I cannot."

Albus nodded as he watched his ex-student pick Harry up and hug him close for the first time. He saw the excruciating pain that ripped through him emotionally as he released his son. Severus pulled the blankets around Harry's tiny body and bestowed one last kiss on his forehead.

"I love you, my son."

He took a steadying breath before turning to his mentor and closing his eyes.

"Do it," he said, his voice dead and devoid of emotion. Albus sighed.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, Severus," he consoled, his voice soft.

"Just do it."

Albus raised his wand and intoned the dreaded spell.

"_Obliviate_."

Severus jerked as the spell hit him and he crashed bonelessly to the ground. Behind him, baby Harry started to cry.


	2. 1

The swings were erected dangerously close to the road. There have been numerous complaints about its proximity for children had the penchant of testing the boundaries of gravity while drivers around the area pitted themselves against the speed limits. The number of grouses about the road, however, could not compare to the amount of criticism that the boy who was currently perched on the swing received.

To the denizens of Little Whinging, Harry Potter was walking trouble. His scrawny build and innocent enough features was a façade for a callous gangster that prowled the streets every summer for victims in his reign of terror. He was bold and fearless, and was said to boast arrogantly about the punishments he received at the St. Brutus' Institution for Criminally Incurable Boys in front of his family whenever he returned. The neighbours shunned this hopeless case and it was a cause of celebration when he left once again for school.

If someone were to have looked out of their window and sneak a glance at the playground that windy night, however, they would have been forced to reconsider.

Harry was using his trunk as a launch pad as he oscillated back and forth on the squeaky swings. Tears of frustration and anger fell from his startlingly green eyes as he forced the swing to its limits. He needed an avenue of escape. The anger at himself roared in his ears as he berated himself for taking Aunt Marge's bait like a clueless fish. He knew how his parents died and that they were hardworking people that gave their lives to protect their little boy.

_What does that fat arse know? _he thought savagely as he thrust himself further into the air. It was enough to hear Snape insult his father during the school year. He didn't need to hear it during the summer too. A sudden thought struck him and he wondered idly why Snape never talked about his mother too. He seemed like the sort that would hate whoever was associated with James Potter. _He hates me enough, _Harry smirked.

A faint rustling in the deathly quiet night brought him out of his reverie. Alert, he dug his trainers into the loamy ground and skidded to a halt as he watched his surroundings warily. His hand flew to his wand as a soft growl reached his ears. His heartbeat increased as the bushes in front of him parted slightly. Holding his wand aloft, Harry muttered a quiet _lumos_. The sudden bright light stunned him. His left hand shaded his eyes as a groan escaped his lips.

That proved a big mistake for Harry never saw it coming.

He was suddenly assaulted by a mass of black fur and he could feel sharp claws tearing a deep cut into his chest as his vision flickered. Harry identified the creature as an enormous hound as he found himself face to face with its gaping maw. Sharp teeth glittered in the pale moonlight and its hot breath fogged up his glasses which were miraculously still on. Fighting the rising pain and panic, Harry kicked the dog hard in the stomach and it soared through the air, landing with a loud and satisfying thump. Harry clambered to his feet and lunged for his wand just as the dog recovered. It bounded towards him and before Harry could cast anything to protect himself, he heard a sickening crunch and felt something in his shoulder give way as he connected with the asphalt. Pain exploded and jarred his entire arm as he cried out.

His vision started to tunnel in and he was only vaguely aware of a familiar voice calling his name just as the darkness became absolute.

Harry crawled slowly to consciousness and as such, only caught snatches of a hushed conversation that was being held behind the partition that surrounded his bed.

_Flooed to the Hospital Wing… Arabella's house… Too much blood… Black got away…_

Black? That's the dog's name?

Harry started to push himself upright and was almost there before the partition flew open.

"Mr. Potter!" snapped Madam Pomfrey irritably as she rolled her bloodstained sleeves up. "What do you think you are doing?" Harry cringed at the realisation that the blood on her sleeves belonged to him. The matron glared at him pointedly. Rather than incense the witch further, Harry lowered himself into bed gently and winced as his sore shoulder came into contact with the mattress.

"Dislocated shoulders tend to hurt, Potter," drawled a voice from a corner. Harry felt his stomach plummet. The last person he wanted to him in this state was Snape. "Of course," he continued maliciously, "Our precious Gryffindor Prince wouldn't know, would he, if he was so pampered and protected?" Harry felt his anger rise and he opened his mouth to fire back a retort but Madam Pomfrey beat him to it. "Severus Snape! Act your age, for God's sake," she admonished as she bustled to the Potions cabinet. "I need more Blood Replenisher, my stock is cleaned out."

"I wonder why," Snape remarked sarcastically and he strode towards the door. Just then, a hair-raising wail rent the air. Every glass item in the Hospital Wing started to frost as cold crept in through the open windows. Snape stopped in his tracks like a startled deer and exchanged a horrified look with Madam Pomfrey. A sense of depression and hopelessness engulfed Harry suddenly and he floundered in the unexpected attack. Madam Pomfrey pulled out her wand and that was all Harry saw as a terrible scene played in his mind.

"_Stand aside, you silly girl!" drawled a cold, cruel voice._

"_No! Not Harry, anything but Harry!" screamed another, a female voice. Desperate and pleading. "Please, anything but Harry!" _

"_Then you leave me no choice. Avada Kedavra." _

_A horrible flash of green light as the woman screamed. A high, demonic laugh and his world went dark._

_Harry didn't even realise that he was crying._

Severus felt the creeping cold and despair and all of a sudden, he was back in the dank and dismal cell on the accursed island of Azkaban. Familiar hopelessness tapped him on the shoulder and welcomed him with open arms. He struggled to turn around as he battled the negative emotions associated with the Dementors. Madam Pomfrey was staring at him with a petrified expression. Both of them drew their wands. Severus racked his brain for a happy memory but before he could, he succumbed to the spiralling influence.

_He was in a bleak place. Leaves fluttered in the non-existent breeze from dead and decaying trees as a raven squawked noisily from its perch on a rock. Before him was a wall. A large, flawless solid gold wall that emanated a soft glow. It seemed to beckon him. He approached it warily and a sudden feeling of revulsion and fear so great hit him with the impact of a bullet train. He staggered as his breath hitched. The wall seemed to close in on him, locking him to the spot. _

_Severus immediately started Occluding. He never was so glad to see Reality again._

Severus realised just as he returned to himself that although the windows were now closed, it was getting frigid. The windows were completely covered with the Dementors' black presence, their rattling breaths creating a macabre symphony. Severus latched onto the first happy memory that came to him and poured his efforts to channelling it.

"_Expecto Patronum_!" he yelled as a silvery doe sprang gracefully from his wand. It ran through the solid stonewalls like they were gentle waterfalls. Screeches filled the air as the Dementors fought to escape. It was futile, however, for they vanished, engulfed in a brilliant white light. Severus stood, slack-jawed and shocked.

He hadn't been able to cast a Patronus in years, let alone one strong enough to actually kill Dementors. Not ever since Lily married Potter. He searched his mind for the memory he used but it was like catching the final wisps of fog as they vanished into the night. Confused he glanced towards Madam Pomfrey who was bent over her only patient. Harry was tangled in the blankets, face scrunched up in evident pain and tears mingling with sweat as he struggled against an invisible tormentor.

"Severus," she cried. "Help!"

Severus rushed over and as he did, he thought he felt a spasm of deep worry pass through him. He shook his head to clear it.

_I'll ask Albus later. I've got more important things to do now, _he thought and with that, he rushed forward to aid the matron.


	3. 2

Poppy Pomfrey sighed wearily as she fell into her comfortable plush armchair. Traces of dawn spread across the azure sky, tingeing it with the beginnings of a forming day. She was tired and bone-weary from both the Dementor's unexpected attack and Harry's uncommonly violent reaction to them. She shuddered as a chill passed through her. The evil presence of the Dementors was still tingling in the air even though the attack occurred hours ago. It was painful to watch how the guardians of Despair affected the boy so adversely and in such extremity. Amidst his trashing, he had dislocated his shoulder again and Poppy was forced to cause him extra pain as she popped it back in while Severus held him down.

She shuddered again, and this time, it had nothing to do with the cold. She glanced out of the door which she had left ajar for better view of her patient and smiled sadly as she spied Severus watching Harry.

_Soon. He'll find out soon…_

Poppy sighed again and opened a side drawer with a muttered spell. It glided open silently and revealed a dusty wooden box. She placed a palm on the lid. It glowed softly and vanished, melting away like sugar in water. Inside was a soft pink velvet pouch together with a thick pile of letters and photos. Poppy's expression was one of sad contemplation as she sifted through the photographs and re-read the letters.

"Life was hard on you, Lily, and it will harder on the loved ones you left behind," she murmured as her hand brushed against the pouch. She closed her eyes to stem the flow of memories that were threatening to overwhelm her. She cast her gaze out the door and saw that the headmaster had arrived and was engaged in a seemingly heated discussion with Severus.

_Severus. _

"Oh, Lily, he didn't deserve what you did," she whispered. "Neither of you did."

Wiping a tear from her eye, she closed the box with a wave of her wand before placing it back in place. After locking and warding the drawer, she changed out of her bloodstained robes and headed out to inform the headmaster on the Boy-Who-Lived's condition.

Severus stared at the retreating back of the matron as she slouched uncharacteristically back to her office. Shaking his head tiredly, he summoned one of the nearby stiff-backed visitor chairs and lowered himself less in a less graceful fashion as he usually would into it. An unidentifiable emotion gripped him as he did so and it took him a few seconds to realise that it was concern and an overwhelming sense of relief that Harry was okay.

Harry?

Since when was Potter Harry? He smacked himself mentally. As if in retaliation, his unease intensified. He thought back to when the Dementors vanished. A sudden image of a slumbering baby and a feeling of intense love and contentment left as quickly as it came. Severus' eyes widened as he realised that it was the image his mind conjured when he cast his patronus. Somehow, he was connected that image with Potter. Why? He didn't realise that he was staring at Potter.

Severus shook head and attempted to purge his mind of the traitorous feelings and imagery. He failed dismally, however, as Albus Dumbledore chose that time to enter.

"Severus!" he exclaimed pleasantly. "As much as I hope that you will elect to have a better relationship with Harry, you are the last person I would expect to be here."

Severus scowled.

"I assure you, Headmaster," he said drily as he vacated the chair. "I was just leaving." Severus thought his blood pressure rose a few notches as his superior's eyes took on its familiar twinkle.

"I'm sure you were," the headmaster remarked kindly as Severus smirked. "However, I do need to talk to you about something."

Severus arched his eyebrow questioningly. Albus conjured a chintz armchair and gestured for Severus to take the seat he had just vacated. Severus glowered at him but said nothing as he sat himself back down again on the wooden chair.

"Lemon Drop, Severus?" offered the headmaster.

Severus restrained himself from rolling his eyes as he declined. Albus' eyes danced with amusement as a smile lit his wizened features.

"You really do have to try one, one day," he said as he popped one in his mouth. "They're amazing." This time, Severus really did roll his eyes.

"You couldn't possibly have made me sit down again just so you could talk to me about Lemon Drops, Albus," Severus said derisively as he crossed his arms. Potter stirred and Severus immediately modulated his volume.

"No, I didn't,' Albus smiled knowingly. "It's about Harry." At Severus' raised eyebrow, Albus continued, "We have to send him back to the Dursley's. The wards are still intact and Miss Dursley's memory has been modified. His relatives are happy to receive him."

Severus looked horrified. "You have got to be joking, Albus! Black is on the loose. He is going to track him down and kill him, wards or no wards. I wouldn't put him pass it; he broke out of Azkaban! Besides, didn't the Dursley's kick him out?"

His sallow skin took on a pinkish tinge as he cursed inwardly at himself. Why was he defending the boy? Albus was looking at him as if he had never seen him before. Then, the infuriating twinkle returned to his eyes as he all but beamed at Severus. Severus scowled.

"Ah yes, Black. I see your line of reasoning. Very well, we shall have him lodge in Hogwarts until school resumes. He shall return next year then." Severus smirked, erasing all traces of embarrassment and confusion that was present before.

_Dumbledore is up to something. He wouldn't have forgotten about Black._

"Oh, one more thing, Severus," Albus added as he got up. "Someone needs to watch out for him and since you seemed awfully insistent that he should stay, could you? As it is, you're the only one free at this point in time."

Severus glared at Albus as his anger and frustration at him prevented him from saying all else. The headmaster merely smiled and bid him goodnight.

Just as the headmaster disappeared behind the heavy oak doors, Madam Pomfrey came bustling out of her office. She looked around and frowned.

"Where's Professor Dumbledore?" she demanded and gave Severus a look that suggested that it was his entire fault that the headmaster was currently not in the room.

"He left," Severus sneered as he stood up. "As am I. Goodnight, Poppy."

With that, he swept out of the Hospital Wing, his cloak billowing in their trademark fashion. Poppy smiled gently, but her eyes were pools of sorrow. She checked on Harry and returned to her office.


	4. 3

The door to the Potions classroom banged open as Severus stalked in, features contorted in anger. The portraits of famous potioneers that hung on the stonewalls flinched and began muttering amongst themselves. Snarling at them to shut up, the irate Potions Master flung a handful of glittering floo powder in the sooty fireplace. Emerald flames erupted from the smouldering logs and licked the bricks that lined the top of the fireplace. Snatching a bound stack of parchment from the desk, he stepped in and disappeared in a tower of fire.

Reappearing seconds later in his own personal lab, Severus slammed the stack of parchment he was carrying on the table and dropped himself heavily into the leather-backed chair.

_What the hell is wrong with you, Severus? _he demanded silently as he leaned back and glared at the ceiling. _How dare you call yourself a spy when you cannot even put aside your emotions fast enough to argue yourself out of a situation you do not want to be in? How are you going to get anything done with Harr- that Potter brat following you around all day? _Severus leaned forwards and banged his head on the table. He almost did it again.

He sighed as he reached for a quill and vanished the leather strip that bound the parchment together. Firmly placing all thoughts of Potter behind his usually infallible mental shields, Severus began checking and computing the Potions grades for the previous school year. He started from the Seventh Year grades, for they were the most tedious and worked his way down. He was feeling pretty pleased with the consistent results his students attained so far until he reached the Third Year name list. Severus scanned down the list and smirked as he wrote Longbottom's results in his cramped handwriting. A few more years with the accident prone boy and he would be glad to see him go. Some people were not born for Potions and that dunderhead was one of them. Severus was just done with Pavarti Patil's average grades when he felt his heart sink. He was done with Patil and that made the next of the Gryffindors…

_Harry Potter._

Severus did a double take and sighed as he found himself worrying for the boy again. He promptly re-bound the stack of parchment. He was obviously too distracted to compute those vital marks correctly. Suddenly deciding that his Potions required re-labelling, he locked his papers and stationery in his desk drawer and made his way to a small back room. Vials, empty and full, lined the wall and glittered in the dim light. Severus grabbed a handful of labels and a self-inking quill and began re-writing and re-labelling them. The worry he felt before crept up against him now, slowly taking over him. He found himself thinking about Harry and hoping that he was okay up in the Hospital Wing. In fact, he was just about to get up and visit him when he snapped out of his reverie.

He was sorely tempted to poke his eyeballs out with the sharp quill he was using when he staggered. Leaning heavily on the small desk in the cramped room for support, Severus started Occluding his mind to the vision that was threatening to invade his mind. He failed dismally, however, for mere seconds later, he was thrust into a memory he had no recollection about.

"_Come on, son. Say Harry," Severus coaxed as the toddler crawled over to him on grubby hands._

"_Dada!" Little Harry squealed happily. _

_Severus sighed and tried again, "No, son. It's Harry. Say Harry." _

_The toddler sat himself contentedly on his father's lap and snuggled closer to him. _

"_He's not going to say anything if he's not ready, Sev," came a voice and Severus smiled. "Oh, c'mon, Lily," he teased. "He's our son. He's going to be a genius!" _

"_Yeap, right after he learns how to say his own name," she retorted, humour and amusement colouring her words. Baby Harry glared at both his parents. _

"_Oh, here comes the infamous Snape glare!" Lily chuckled as Severus mock-glared at her. Lily promptly burst out laughing at the similarity between father and son, and Severus, unable to restrain himself, soon joined in. _

"_I am Hawwy!" Harry declared indignantly as he frowned at his laughing parents. He giggled at their looks of stunned amazement and crawled to his mother, clenched fists waving in the air as he demanded to be picked up. _

"_Told you our son was a genius!" Severus said proudly as he ruffled his son's messy mop of hair. Lily merely smiled._

Severus' vision swam as he was jerked rudely out of the vision. Tears ran unbidden down his face and he had no idea why. A dozen confusing emotions swirled in his mind. His knuckles were bone-white as he clutched at the table for support. His breath came in rapid bursts and it was as if he had just run a long-distance marathon. Somewhere within him, he knew that that was no ordinary memory. When had that happened? He was never with Lily; Potter made sure of it, let alone have a son with her! But he had referred to himself as Harry's father and both Lily and baby Harry had confirmed it. Could it be…? He ran a hand down his face in an attempt to dry his tears. He had to ask Albus.

_He would know. He had to. _

Severus abandoned his re-labelling and strode resolutely to the fireplace. Just as he was going to throw in a handful of floo powder, the fire flared green and from within the embers was the head of Albus Dumbledore.

"Severus!" he said, smiling up at the bemused Potions Master. "Could you please come to my office for awhile? I have something I would like to discuss with you."

"Yes, sir," Severus muttered and Albus frowned.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned. Severus seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in and nodded tersely. "I'll be right there, Albus."

Harry was dreaming.

_Little Harry was crying, bawling his lungs out as the shadows crept, emerging from every crevice a bare room could have. He was scared and he wanted his Dad._

_The door creaked open. Dada stumbled in, hair messy and his usually neat attire askew. He came to the crib and picked him up._

"_Hush, Harry," he whispered. "Daddy's here." Harry burrowed deeper into his chest as his Dada cradled him close. He was safe and content. Dada suddenly kissed him on the forehead and put him back in his crib. He tickled him gently in the stomach and Harry giggled. It was ticklish! _

_Harry's eyes widened as his Dada seemed to sway on the spot. _

"_Harry," he said in a voice that made Harry want to cry again, "Daddy can't be here for you anymore. But don't worry, nothing's going to harm you. He's not going to get to you. I won't allow it. As long as I have a breath in me, as long as I have my magic intact, I will protect you."_

_Harry closed his eyes in contentment as his Dada tousled his hair gently. His Dada was here, nothing was going to happen. _

"_I'm sorry, Harry," he continued. "Remember me, even if I can't remember you." Harry was alarmed and gazed at his father with innocent eyes. _

"_It's time," came another voice. Harry saw his Dada turn around and talk to the new person but he couldn't hear what he was saying for his Dada was talking too softly. He felt himself get picked up and his Dada hugged him extra close. Harry was starting to be scared. Why was Dada crying? _

"_I love you, my son." _

"_Obliviate."_

_Harry then heard a thump and that was all he heard because he started wailing, screaming for the only person who could ever make it okay again was not okay._

Harry jerked to consciousness but stayed with his eyes closed. He breathed heavily through his nose in an attempt to calm his breathing. It was a new dream, a dream he had never had before. Harry turned around and snuggled deeper into his blankets. His father didn't look like the same man in the photographs Hagrid had given him. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a deep sense of fatigue and was out like a light before anyone could say _nox_.


	5. 4

**Warning: Some OOC.**

The fire provided a quiet kind of companionship as it crackled comfortably in the background. Professor Dumbledore felt incredibly old as he surveyed the grounds of his beloved castle. He rested one gnarled hand on the cool window pane and sighed. He didn't like it when the school was this empty. He liked to think of the establishment as a safe haven for struggling children, wizarding or muggle-born, who were either being coerced to join the Death Eaters in the case of the former or who had similarly sadistic parents in the case of the latter. His gazed drifted to the glittering windows of the Hogwarts Hospital Wing. From his proximity, he could almost see the only person that was currently calling it a temporary home. He removed his half-moon glasses and polished them, brows drawn in an uncharacteristic frown.

Harry was back in the Hospital Wing again and the term hadn't even begun yet. The memory of the Dementor attack was fresh in his mind. He cursed himself for his negligence for he didn't even realize the Dementors had attacked until he felt a sudden magical surge in the Hospital Wing's aura. He had rushed to the window and was already undoing all the Apparition restrictions he had placed on the building when a gorgeous silver doe burst through the mob of greedy Dementors and cantered in a wide circle. The Dementors disappeared in wisps of smoke and Professor Dumbledore took a few seconds to come to himself. It had been years since Severus conjured a patronus at all, let alone one so strong it rivaled his own.

He was glad that he managed to get Severus to agree to looking after Harry. It was another step, another step in his plan that had to work. Soon.

_Soon... _

Severus seemed to be an extremely foul mood as he appeared in the floo. Brushing off non-existent soot on his immaculate robes, he sat on the edge of the hardest chair in the room and glared at Albus.

"I'm busy, Headmaster," he ground out, eyes raging with annoyance. Albus inclined his head and said nothing as he dissected Severus with his gaze. Severus stared back coldly, and Albus sighed.

"Yes, I suppose you were," he said tiredly. "However, I need you to meet someone." Severus huffed in annoyance. He glanced towards the clock. Was Harry awake yet? Severus caught himself in time and restrained himself from hitting his head on a hard object.

_Quit. Thinking. About. Him. _He chanted, over and over in his head, careful to keep his expression from betraying his thoughts. Someone knocked on the door and Albus smiled at Severus over his half-moon glasses.

"Enter," he said as Severus glowered. It was Remus Lupin. Severus immediately jumped off his seat, fixing him with such a withering look that the werewolf cringed.

"Ah, Remus, I'm glad you managed to come," Albus said kindly from behind the table. Severus shot him a dirty look.

"What's he doing here, headmaster?" he demanded, anger colouring his words.

Remus ignored Severus as made his way towards the only vacant seat which was beside Severus.

"Good morning, Headmaster, Severus," he greeted politely. Severus glared at him icily and Albus sighed.

"He's here on my request, Severus," Albus said slowly, as if he was explaining something to a particularly deaf individual. "We need a new Defense professor." He hesitated and Severus eyes narrowed. "You, also need an explanation," he added quietly.

Remus seemed to be carved out of stone as he stared at the Headmaster. Albus nodded once and Remus started, drawing a deep breath and exhaling quickly. "Are you sure this is the right time, Headmaster?" he asked, voice shaky and heavy with an unidentified emotion. Severus snorted in exasperation.

"All right," Remus muttered. He steeled himself and opened his mouth to start. Just then, Severus hissed in pain as his hand flew to his forearm. Remus paled and leaned back on his chair. Albus looked resigned as he nodded towards the floo. Severus gave him a curt nod before he swept towards the floo and disappeared in a whirl of green fire.

Remus looked at Albus pleadingly.

"You can't let him do this, Albus," he said as Albus watched the remnants of the magical fire die to embers. "He has the right to know."

The ever-present twinkle in Albus' eyes had died and instead, it was replaced with grief. "He's already remembering," he explained quietly and Remus gasped. "Not the entire thing, but he's remembering."

Remus gripped the armrests of the chair.

"Does he remember why?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. He had to try.

Albus looked at him sadly. "No, Remus. He doesn't."

Severus furiously shoved memories and thoughts behind his shields as he apparated right onto his spot in the circle.

_A clearing_, he thought as his heart sank. _In the middle of nowhere. Someone's going to get it tonight._ He filed the thought away behind his shield yet again.

"Master," he greeted reverently even as disgust roiled within him. The twisted creature smiled at him. "Severus," he called as he gestured for him to step forward with a long, tapered finger. Severus did as he was told.

"How's the special potion going, my little Potions Master?" he crooned and Severus had to stop himself from cringing.

"It is going as planned, My Lord," Severus said respectfully as he kept his head down.

"I see," the vile being said thoughtfully. "Then shouldn't it be done by now?" Severus stilled, every muscle in his body tight as he waited for it to come. "No answer? Tut, tut, this won't do, Severus. This won't do at all."

Voldemort stared down derisively at the Potions Master. "Maybe this will help you remember your manners. _Crucio_."

Severus braced himself for the pain. It was different from the other times, however, as it exploded in his head.

_He saw the wall again, this time in shambles as golden bricks were littered around his feet. He hands cupped his head as pain pulsated with the force of double a migraine. From the rubble, a single slender figure came. Severus' eyes widened as he recognised her. She smiled as she shyly tucked a lock of her fiery red hair behind her ear. _

"_Severus," she greeted joyously and the pain ebbed away. _

"_Lily," he choked out as tears tumbled down his face and he took a step forward._

"_I'm so sorry, Sev," she whispered as Severus embraced her. _

"_For what?" Severus said, confusion evident in his voice. Lily smiled at him sadly. "Everything." She turned to leave and Severus felt pain tear at his head once again. He reached a hand to make her stay but it faltered as memories assaulted him with the force of a three-way Firebolt collision. _

Severus gasped as he felt the curse lift. Voldemort was glaring at someone behind him with the ferocity of a threatened Hungarian Horntail. Severus felt hot tears slide down his face as the startling revelation became a mantra in his head.

_Harry, son. Harry, son. Harry, son._

Voldemort turned his fearsome gaze on him and let out a growl of fury. "Traitor!" he hissed as he lifted his wand. Severus stood up as fast as his protesting muscles would allow as his trembling hands fumbled for his wand. "Get down, Severus," ordered a firm voice and Severus was only too happy to comply as he dropped to the floor. Severus kept his head down as Albus and Voldemort exchanged curses right over his head. His entire body trembled with the pain of the Cruciatus curse but his blocked it all out as he thought about the life-changing bit of news he had just received. He couldn't remember anything else. Just the fact that Harry was his son. The feelings he had been having made a lot of sense now. He rolled over as a stray spell hit the ground just inches away from his face. It was green.

Catching Albus' eye, Severus apparated away. He collapsed, seconds later into the Hospital Wing. His mind registered mild confusion as he was prepared to trek from the gates to the Infirmary. His eyes caught Harry's and Severus could only gape as he stared into the green eyes of his son. Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office just then, and Severus knew nothing more as he gave in to the strain of apparating and the beckoning call of fatigue.

Voldemort watched as every Death Eater in the clearing disappeared. A hulking black dog appeared at his side. Voldemort smiled.

"To the castle, faithful. We shall have our revenge."

The dog was all too happy to comply.


	6. 5

Harry bolted upright. His heart pounded in tandem with his throbbing shoulder as the dream he had had of Snape and Voldemort presented itself fresh in his mind. He pressed a hand on his scar and scrunched his eyes shut. Fear zipped through his veins and he felt faintly nauseous as he recalled the events of the dream. What was going on? He ran a hand through his hair as he leaned back slowly, careful not to aggravate his shoulder again. Confused and frustrated by his ignorance, he closed his eyes and tried to calm his increased heart rate. The quiet lulled him into a light sleep as his eyes drooped shut and the Hospital Wing faded into darkness.

Harry jerked awake as a faint pop echoed throughout the still Hospital Wing. He pushed himself up clumsily with his good arm and looked around the room groggily. Late afternoon sunlight streamed in through the high windows and dust swirled around in slow helixes. He started as he realised that he was not alone.

On the floor, paler than usual and shivering like it was the middle of winter instead of summer was Severus Snape. Harry felt a faint flash of worry when his eyes caught his professors. His eyes widened as confusion, fear and an unfathomable emotion flickered through Snape's eyes. He was frozen in place as the implications of Snape's appearance slowly sunk in. The dream was not a dream. It was real!

"Mr Potter," snapped Madam Pomfrey sternly and Harry flinched. He had not realised that she had left her office. "Go to Gryffindor Tower and recuperate there. I'll send for you for a review later."

Harry stared slack-jawed as she manoeuvred a now-unconscious Snape to one of the many free beds with a silent Levitating Charm. "Mr Potter!" she rapped out, "Go!" Harry jumped. Forcing his glasses onto the bridge of his nose, he scurried out the Hospital Wing, not even pausing to realise that he was still in his pyjamas.

Remus paced the corridor outside the Albus' office anxiously, his footsteps ringing in his ears. He darted a look at his wristwatch and sighed as the hour hand hit four.

_Three hours gone_, he thought as he ran a hand nervously down the front of his shabby robes. _Never that long, Albus said_.

Remus stopped pacing and stared unseeing at the gargoyle that stood sentinel at the Headmaster's office. He suppressed memories of happier student days as they threatened to overwhelm him. Sadness welled up within him as he clenched his hands into fists at his side, knuckles white. Lily, Severus, Harry… They didn't deserve this. He ran a hand through his short hair and reluctantly dragged his feet away towards his office. There was no point in waiting outside the Headmaster's office.

Just as he was about to turn a corner, something, or rather someone, barrelled into him. He staggered backwards, but caught his balance just in time. The person he collided with, however, was not so lucky. Remus crouched down hastily and helped the petite, pyjama-clad boy to his feet. He didn't look more than eleven.

"Hey, you okay?"Remus asked as the boy favoured his shoulder. He looked down shyly and nodded.

"Good," he said as he ruffled the boy's hair. "Where're your parents? You shouldn't be wandering the castle alone when school's out." The boy peered up at him through his bangs and Remus felt his breath catch.

Lily's green eyes gazed at him with undisguised mortification and curiosity. He took an involuntary step back, forcing the boy to jerk his head up. A lightning bolt scar marred his otherwise smooth forehead.

"Harry," Remus whispered just as Harry started on a tentative explanation. They stared at each other in awkward silence.

Harry dashed out of the Hospital Wing as fast as his legs would carry him. Horror, fear and confusion pulsed through him, mocking him for the small amount of peace he had had at the beginning of his latest stint at the Hospital Wing. Questions swirled through his mind, each frustratingly unanswered.

_Who were the other people in the clearing?_

_How could Voldemort be whole when I 'killed' him in First Year?_

_What was Snape doing with Voldemort?_

The most terrifying thought struck next and Harry increased his speed.

_How could I see what was going on in that meeting? Can he see what I'm doing now too?_

He rounded a corner without regulating his speed and crashed right into someone solid. He felt his feet lift off the ground and his bottom collided painfully with the stone floor. Embarrassment bloomed in his cheeks and his neck heated up as a pair of gentle hands helped him up. His shoulder twinged and he placed a hand on it as if to block out the pain.

"Hey, you okay?" came a gentle voice. Harry looked to the floor and nodded. This was not one of his favourite ways of meeting new people. "Good," the voice said again and he felt a hand ruffle his hair. Harry blushed furiously as his embarrassment intensified. He didn't need to be patted on the head. He was thirteen, not ten!

"Where are your parents?" the man continued. A forgotten dream he had had in the Hospital Wing floated to the forefront of his mind and he quashed the image of Snape hugging his baby self. "You shouldn't be wandering the castle alone when school's out."

Harry peered up at him through his bangs. The man looked young, but his hair was showing signs of greying. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and his face seemed prematurely lined. His embarrassment was ebbing away and he wondered who the man was. He had a sudden image of a plush grey wolf and his curiosity intensified. The man took a step back and Harry's head snapped up, confused.

"I-," he started fumblingly. He stopped when he heard the man whisper his name, barely audible. Harry stared at the man in silence, waiting for him to speak. The man seemed to come back to himself from some far off land he was visiting. A smile lit his face and for that moment, his weariness seemed to leave him.

"Hello, Harry," the man said. "I'm Remus Lupin. The new Defence Professor."

Harry filed the information away and said softly, "Good afternoon, sir. Pleasure to meet you."

"What are you doing in school, Harry?" Professor Lupin asked.

"I was attacked by a big dog," Harry explained as he shifted his weight from his left foot to his right. An unreadable expression crossed the professor's features and Harry sincerely hoped he didn't need to deal with another professor that was just as difficult to read as Snape.

"A big dog?" he asked. "What colour was it?"

Harry cocked his head slightly to the left at the strange question. "Black, sir," he replied. "I think that was the name of the dog too, according to Snape."

"**Professor** Snape," Professor Lupin corrected automatically, but his heart didn't seem to be in it. Harry mumbled an apology, equally empty and insincere.

Remus wanted to find Sirius and kill him himself.

_Attacking his own godson! _he fumed. _And all these years I've thought him as innocent._

At that moment, he felt a familiar heat in his pocket. His anger disappeared as worry assaulted him anew. He glanced at Harry who was now mumbling an apology for what reason Remus knew not. He felt his pocket yet again and his worry escalated.

"Well, Harry, I think the best place for you right now would be Gryffindor Tower," he said conversationally. "Off you go."

Harry didn't need telling twice as he bolted off yet again.

"No need to run!" Remus shouted unconsciously after him, as an apology floated from Harry's retreating back. He removed the Two-Way Mirror from his pocket.

"Headmaster," he greeted, his voice trembling with tension. It seemed that he was the only one who could hear whatever alarming news Albus had because in the next minute, he was running towards the Hospital Wing, totally disregarding his own reprimand about running along corridors.

**Beta'd by Gondegoogoo.**

**This chapter is for EscapingEarth. Thanks for making my day.**


	7. 6

The first thing Severus heard was the clinking of potions vials. His head felt like it had been stampeded on by a herd of hippogriffs and even the quiet sound was grating on his eardrums. He tried to open his eyes but they seemed to be too heavy to lift. Steady pain pulsed steadily through him, irritating, but not incapacitating. Severus suppressed a sigh. He didn't want anyone to know that he was conscious yet.

Memories of the meeting rushed through his mind, leaving behind an oddly bittersweet feeling. He didn't need to spy anymore, didn't need to pretend to worship the repulsive man he hailed master. He allowed the feeling to set him free, allowing it to bring him the euphoria he hadn't felt in a long time. Not since Lily…

Lily…

Grief flooded his mind and vibrated in his every atom as he thought of his beautiful wife. He had seen her again, seen the way her gloriously red hair caught the light, felt her warm flesh beneath his trembling fingers. She had shown him things that he had involuntarily forgotten. Things like the fact that he had a son, a wife, a family, _love_. The bizarre feelings he had been having around Harry made sense now. A combination of guilt, nervousness and loss ate at him when he thought about his son. What would Harry say to this? Severus very much wanted the loving relationship he had had with his son for that few short months back. For the past few years, his attitude towards Harry was deplorable, no doubt part of the modified _Obliviate_ Albus had casted on him, but nevertheless deeply regretted. He would explain to Harry, tell him how sorry he was, how much he wanted to be his father again, how much…

He heard hurried footsteps and he was snapped out of his reverie. He tried opening his eyes once again, but he couldn't find the energy to even lift them a bit. A bottle was unstoppered and a cool, smooth liquid tipped into his mouth. He felt the pain fade and the muscles that he didn't even know were contracted relaxed.

"How is he, Poppy?" he heard Albus ask, concern and worry in his voice. There was more clinking and an almost inaudible pop as another vial of potion was poured down his throat. It stung and he wondered vaguely why he would need a Stomach Calming Draught.

"He's fine," came the crisp, cold reply. "He will be weak for several days, no doubt, but other than that, he'll live." Her disapproval was evident in her voice and Severus felt something slide into his mind and click into place. It was as if he'd known it all his life. Poppy Pomfrey was one of his wife's best friends and midwife. He was astonished with the sudden, unexpected revelation and he felt a part of his snarky and cold exterior crumble. What was going on?

"He deserves to know, Albus," Poppy said, her voice softening and Severus could feel two pairs of eyes on him. He squirmed mentally under the scrutiny as he still felt too weak to move. Albus sighed and Severus stiffened slightly.

The door to the Hospital Wing banged open dramatically and cracked against the wall as heavy footsteps advanced towards his bed.

"Is he okay?" he heard the uncharacteristically rough voice of Lupin ask. Severus almost scowled but forced his face to stay straight.

"He is fine, Remus," Albus replied softly and Lupin exhaled slowly.

"Good," he muttered to himself. "Very good." Then his voice hardened. "I saw Harry just now, running down the corridor. He seemed terrified." He paused as if to give someone a chance to explain the phenomenon. Severus felt a pang at his son's distress. When no reply was forthcoming, Lupin continued irritably, "Might I inquire as to how he was allowed to be attacked by a _big_ and _black _dog in the middle of the summer holidays?" His voice had taken on a steely edge, as he placed particular emphasis on the words _big_ and _black_. There was silence in the room as yet another potion was tipped down his throat. This time, warmth spread through him, causing a sudden spurt of energy to course through him. He sighed as the warmth slowly disappeared, leaving behind a feeling of being rejuvenated.

"Remus," Albus started in a placating tone. "We had peo-"

"I'm sorry, sir," Lupin growled suddenly, interrupting Albus' explanation. His anger was obvious. "But I told you so." Footsteps echoed down the Hospital Wing, crisp and sharp on the stone floor.

"Remus," Albus called out beseechingly. "Wait!"

Severus was boggled by Lupin's behaviour and he was quite sure the man had left when he spoke again.

"He was my best friend, Albus," Remus spat venomously. "They all were. We were at war, yes. But we were living lives. Happy lives. Why did you have to tell Lily to leave Severus? Why did you have to go on to map out such a life for him? He doesn't deserve it. He loved Harry and Lily with every fibre of his being and you took them away from him."

Albus was silent and Severus thought his heartbeat was too loud in the utterly quiet room.

"Do you know how it felt?" he continued softly, voice wobbly with anger and pain. "How it felt to watch my best friend degenerate into an empty shell and not being able to help him because he couldn't bear to see anything or anyone that reminded him of his family? How it felt to watch helplessly from the shadows as he pleaded with you to erase his memory so he didn't have to live with the torment of Lily and James' betrayal?" His voice hitched as his throat clogged with emotion. "You don't. Because if you did, you would never have made him a spy and moulded him into someone totally different, someone that was never him. If you did, you would be sorry."

Severus was reeling with shock as another 'jigsaw' piece slid into his mind and fell into place. It was as obvious as daylight. A memory played.

"_Hey Sev, what do you think of Slughorn's practical?" asked a cocky and handsome James Potter as he threw an arm around his friend's shoulders. Severus pretended to be deep in consideration as he looked at the third person that was almost a brother to him, third only because he was sweet on Severus' girlfriend. _

"_He'll probably top the class again, Prongs," Sirius Black said in a bored voice. Severus smirked at him and he grinned. "Oh come on, Sev, you've topped every Potions exam we have ever taken in this school," Sirius mock-whined as Severus shot the person that was almost a second brother to him a mock-glare, second only because there was someone closer. _

_Sirius elbowed Remus hard and the book he was reading clattered to the ground. Remus scowled at Sirius and huffed in annoyance. Severus ducked down, snagged it by the spine and handed it back to Remus in one smooth movement. "Would you quit doing that, Padfoot?" Remus growled, annoyed as he accepted the book and thanked Severus. Severus stifled a grin as he directed another mock-glare at Sirius who pretended to be cowed. Remus shook his head and Severus burst out laughing. _

Severus was still feeling the after-effects of the memory as he was brought back to reality. His eyes flickered open as he glanced around the room. Poppy hurried to his bedside, wand poised and ready to cast whatever diagnostic charm that was required. Remus was glaring at Albus with eyes that spat fire and Severus was surprised Albus was not cringing at the savage wolfishness of it. Severus coughed softly to catch their attention as Poppy started waving her wand in complicated patterns. Remus seemed to drop the fight and turned his gaze to Severus. Unmasked concern shone in his eyes for a moment before it was abruptly sobered, hidden beneath eyes that held minimal concern. Just like how the _obliviated_ Severus would have liked it. Severus almost frowned but kept his expression neutral. His irascible self that no one could stand seemed to have vanished with the most recent memory he viewed. It was like the memory wall that held all the memories all those years also held the true Severus. It was demolished now, crumbled and smoking in a pile of grey rubble.

"How are you, Severus?" Remus queried stiffly as Albus gave him a smile that didn't reach his eyes. The sparkle in his eyes had gone out and was replaced with profound sadness. Severus smirked inwardly at that. He felt a moment of malicious joy as he watched guilt eat at Albus. He remembered the dialogue between Remus and Albus and decided to delve more in-depth into that later. For now, he was just glad to be back.

"I'm fine," Severus said quietly as he tried to push himself out of bed. Poppy clucked in disapproval as she pushed him onto the bed again, silencing his protests with a ferocious glare. Remus smiled faintly at the scene. Even with his memory erased, Severus still hated the Hospital Wing. Remus' eyes narrowed appraisingly as Severus complied, albeit grudgingly. The hardened spy Severus never backed down, even if his life was on the line. Remus felt himself harbouring a faint glimmer of hope but he quashed it down as he always did whenever Severus exhibited un-Snape-like behaviour. It was probably just another passing phase. Poppy looked equally as surprised as she glanced at both the headmaster and Remus. Remus shrugged and Poppy gave him a long look before walking off, empty potions vials in her hands.

Severus was, with Poppy's grudging permission, propped up on numerous pillows and grumbling inaudibly to himself. Remus' expression hardened as he caught the headmaster's eye. He seemed to be lost in some faraway land only he could visit. Remus waited patiently for the man to come back to earth as Severus downed the potions that Poppy left on the bedside table for him to finished. He grimaced and threw Remus a look that caused the glimmer of hope within him to grow into something more. Albus sighed.

"I'll get Harry," he said to Remus softly. Remus' gaze bored into the elder man's as he nodded imperceptibly. Remus turned his attention back onto his best friend. Awkward silence filled the space between them as Severus looked at him curiously. Remus felt as if all air was sucked out of his lungs as he remembered the last time Severus looked at him like that.

"_My animagus name shall be Padfoot," Sirius declared proudly as he gazed at his bemused friends. "What?" he asked as they shook their heads. _

"_You don't even know what animal you're going to be yet, Sirius," Severus replied impatiently as he rolled his eyes. "And why do you need to give yourself a different name?" James coughed as he looked away. Severus raised an eyebrow. "Your idea?" he asked snidely. _

"_Come on, don't be such a prude," James coaxed playfully," He'll be Padfoot and I'll be Prongs. How cool is that?" James brought his shoulders up in a half shrug._

_Severus rolled his eyes as Remus cleared his throat. Three pairs of eyes landed on him. _

"_Moony," was all he said as he looked away and Severus looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. "Awesome," James said enthusiastically as he patted his friend on the back. "What about you, Sev?"_

_Severus rolled his eyes again. "I'll keep to Sev, thanks," he muttered as he returned to his text. Remus looked at Severus and wondered how he could ever tell his friends the truth._

"Moony?" a single two-syllable word brought Remus out of his reminisces. He was still remembering the familiar camaraderie they used to have when he stopped midway in his answer. He thought his heart would stop right there and then as tears sprung to his eyes. "Are you okay? I've been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes," Severus said as he looked at Remus with concern.

"I-I'm fine," Remus choked out when he finally got his vocal chords to work again. "W-what did you call me?" Remus felt an immeasurable amount of hope rise within him and he sincerely hoped that he wasn't imagining things. He didn't think he could have taken the disappointment.

"Moony, I called you Moony," Severus replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He pushed a chair over to Remus. "You better sit before your legs give way." Severus watched with amusement as Remus collapsed into the chair, staring at him with comically round eyes that shone with hope so bright it would have blinded if it were light.

"P-Poppy," Remus called shakily. Poppy appeared from the bathroom, sleeves rolled up and soapy potions vials in hand. She appeared irritated by the intrusion but her expression changed to one of worry when she saw how pale Remus had suddenly become.

"Are you alright?" she asked him as she placed the potions vials in the sink and rinsed her hands hastily. "You look pale."

"He'll be fine," Severus smirked as Poppy cast a diagnostic charm on Remus. "In shock, that's all." Poppy shot him a critical look just as Albus returned. Beside him, in slightly too-small robes and a wary expression, was Harry.

**A/N: To clear things up, Severus is the fourth marauder; Peter Pettigrew wasn't even in Gryffindor. Although I'm following the plot points for Prisoner of Azkaban quite closely, it's still an AU. I actually added things that I've always loved to see, such as Severus being friends with the marauders etc, etc. I hope you guys don't mind (:**

**This story has officially become OOC because it now features a too-nice-to-be-true Severus.**


	8. 7

Harry glowered at the Fat Lady as she looked down at him superiorly.

"I seriously don't have it!" he cried exasperatedly as he pleaded with the stubborn portrait. "Besides, you know perfectly well that I'm in Gryffindor and I'm the only student around now anyway, so can't you just let me in?" The Fat Lady smiled at him indulgently and Harry threw up his hands in frustration.

"No password, no entry," she stated, as if she were reciting from some thick book of rules. Harry groaned and ran a hand through his hair. He frowned when his fingers came away greasy. Didn't he just wash his hair yesterday? He leaned against the wall across from the portrait and scowled insolently at the Common Room guardian.

"Now, now, don't look at me like that," the Fat Lady chastised. "You remind me of your father." The mention of his father piqued Harry's interest and he slid to the floor, pulling his knees up to rest his chin on them. "What was my father doing out here?" he asked, interested. "He could have just gone in."

The Fat Lady looked at him as if he was daft. "Of course he couldn't have gone in," she explained patiently as if she were talking to a toddler. "He didn't have the password. Although I'm quite sure I wouldn't have let him in even if he did." Harry raised an eyebrow as he wrapped his hands around his ankles. He didn't think his dad was that forgetful. In fact, he didn't think James Potter was one to be forgetful at all.

"He was always waiting for your mother, he was," she continued fondly and Harry smiled. He loved listening to stories about his parents because no one seemed to want to talk about them. It made him feel less alone for that few glorious moments. The feeling faded and he was left feeling empty and lost. It was getting less and less painful, however, as if age had erased the damage that was afflicted on his family. As if Time wanted to tell him to get a move on already. He couldn't, he wouldn't.

"Harry?" came the headmaster's voice and Harry immediately shot to his feet, gratitude shining on his face. He didn't want to mope outside the Gryffindor Common Room the entire day. "What are you doing out here?"

Harry gestured vaguely to the portrait. "I can't get in, sir. Don't know the password." Professor Dumbledore chuckled. "You could have just looked for any of the teachers," he said, somewhat sadly and Harry blushed. He hadn't thought of that. The Fat Lady shot Harry a triumphant look and Harry rolled his eyes. Professor Dumbledore gave the portrait the password and she swung open with a disgruntled sigh. She was having fun watching the boy work himself into such a fit.

"You should get changed," Professor Dumbledore suggested as Harry bounded towards the spiral staircase that would lead him to his dormitory. "Hurry, Harry," he called. "You're needed at the Hospital Wing." Harry stopped in his tracks as fear and uncertainty nipped at him. He didn't think Madam Pomfrey would call for him that fast and besides, it was a bit odd for the headmaster to be doubling as the school owl. There was the other problem of Snape. He looked to be in bad shape and judging from Madam Pomfrey's abrupt dismissal, Harry wasn't meant to see Snape half-dead on the ground.

"Go on, Harry," Professor Dumbledore prompted and Harry snapped out of his thoughts. He gave the headmaster a shaky smile as he took to the steps two at a time. All his negative emotions were forgotten as he burst into the dusty circular room that he shared with the other Gryffindor boys in his year. The overwhelming feeling of finally being somewhere he belonged assaulted him and he basked in the warmth for a few minutes before he unlocked his trunk.

He pulled out clothes at random, chucking his work and casual clothes aside while fishing for proper school robes. His trunk was in a spectacular mess because he had left in a hurry and had thrown most of his non-fragile belongings furiously into it in a bid to release his anger. He rummaged for a while more before finally snagging a set of robes that fit, albeit a little tightly and short at the hems. He looked at the clock and realised with a jolt that he had dawdled enough. Putting on his clothes in record time, he made a mental note to ask for permission to visit Diagon Alley. He needed to get new robes and school stuff.

Taking the steps two at a time, he jumped into the Common Room just in time as Professor Dumbledore looked like he was about to head up to look for him. He gave Harry a once-over and frowned. "Looks like a trip to Diagon Alley is in order," he commented as he turned to walk out. Harry hurried to his side. "No matter, I'm sure Professor Lupin would be happy to accompany you." Harry nodded his agreement. He kind of liked the man, although Harry thought he was a bit odd.

The trip to the Hospital Wing seemed to stretch to eternity and Harry's heart grew heavier with every step. He didn't know why he was so anxious for a routine review, but he was quite sure something drastic and life changing was going to happen. He reviewed the thoughts he had had when Professor Dumbledore had come to fetch him and he shivered involuntarily. He sneaked a glance to his left and noticed that Professor Dumbledore seemed different today. He was lost in his thoughts, the twinkle in his eye just a façade for people who needed comforting. Harry felt his nervousness surge. He slipped his hands behind his back, right thumb picking the cuticles of his left as he chewed on his bottom lip. If a mere trip to the Hospital Wing could make the headmaster that nervous, he didn't think he wanted to continue the walk anymore. Something was definitely wrong.

Professor Dumbledore gave Harry a reassuring smile as they stood in front of the formidable oak doors of the Hospital Wing. His hands were clenched at his sides, a thin rivulet of blood trickled down his left fist and dripped on the floor. Harry tried to return the smile and took a deep breath as the door swung open.

Severus' heart raced as he locked eyes with Harry. _His son._ He felt his breath steal away as Lily's green eyes stared back at him. The wariness vanished as Albus led Harry to his bed, instead replaced with dislike and a slight tinge of fear. Severus suppressed a flinch. He hastily broke eye contact as he studied the boy. His eyes narrowed as he took in the state of his robes and the blood that dripped from his clenched fist.

Remus seemed to have recovered from his shock as he exchanged a worried look with Severus. Due to his 'gift', Remus had a keen sense of smell and an over protectiveness for the young which meant that blood on a child wasn't a good combination in his presence. He stood up and summoned two extra chairs as the headmaster drew closer.

"Harry James Potter!" Poppy screeched angrily and Severus winced. He had thought of his son as a Snape ever since he had regained consciousness, which, admittedly, wasn't too long ago. Remus looked at him with concern but Severus waved it off with a look that promised a long talk. Remus nodded, satisfied, before passing a glass of water to him. Severus smiled his gratitude.

"What did you do to yourself?" Poppy scolded as she summoned a basin of water and antiseptic cream. "Just out of the Hospital Wing not half an hour ago and you're back again, injured already! Just like your father you are!" Severus choked on his drink but managed to keep the rest of the water from spilling embarrassingly all over himself. Albus smiled sadly at him but Severus ignored him, instead concentrating on Harry's expression of barely contained happiness. Judging from what he knew of his sister-in-law, he was quite sure Harry knew close to nothing about James and Lily. Severus definitely had to remedy that.

Harry tried to look contrite but inside, he was brimming with excitement. So his dad was just as accident-prone as he was. Another thing he had in common with his father! He tried not to smile as Madam Pomfrey spread antiseptic cream on his abused thumb. It stung, but he wasn't going to let anything as trivial as physical pain dampen his happiness. Maybe it was just what it was, a routine review. Professor Dumbledore was probably thinking about other more pressing matters. He was the headmaster of a prestigious school of magic after all.

The matron gave him a final disapproving glare before chivvying him away. Harry gladly complied, offering her a quiet thank you before walking towards the door as fast as it was polite to be.

_See_, Harry, he chided himself. _It's just a review. You're too paranoid for your own good._

He was about to step out of the door when it slammed shut with a resounding bang, nearly smashing his nose and causing his heart rate to soar. Harry jumped back with a surprised exclamation and turned around to the group of adults with a confused expression. Professor Lupin and Madam Pomfrey were glaring at the headmaster, which was understandable. He could have just stopped Harry verbally instead of slamming the heavy doors in his face. What confused Harry, however was not the look of pure fury in Snape's eyes but the fact that he had given Harry a worried once-over. Snape wouldn't have cared if Harry fell into a bubbling cauldron so why was he caring now?

"I apologize, Harry," Professor Dumbledore said as he summoned another chair. "But I think some information is long overdue." His gaze flickered to Snape before he patted the chair next to him and motioned for Madam Pomfrey to take a seat too. Madam Pomfrey paled as she took the offered seat and Harry's heart leapt.

_I think I spoke too soon_, Harry thought as he sat down and suppressed the urge to run as far as he could, as fast as he could.

Severus looked at Albus warily. What was the old man up to now? His heart clenched as caught the look Albus was directing him. Was he going to tell Harry the truth? He couldn't, it wasn't his right. Severus was about to protest when he felt Remus' hand on his arm and saw the warning in his eyes.

Severus sighed. Let Albus answer the questions and deal with the repercussions then. It was easier that way. Severus leaned back on his pillows and resisted closing his eyes. Harry was looking at him, uncertainty and fear of that uncertainty in his eyes. Severus gave him an encouraging nod and a half-smile and Harry's eyes widened.

"Now," Albus took a deep breath as he gazed at Severus steadily. "I think it is time I divulge the information that has plagued me with regret for thirteen years."


	9. 8

Spinners' End, Fourteen years ago.

Albus stepped into the pristine kitchen of Spinners' End. He looked around and smiled. Months ago, this kitchen would have been a mess, used dishes and empty drink bottles littering the counter and sink. The change Lily had wrought was amazing.

"Good morning, Lily," he greeted and the beautiful redhead smiled at him from across the counter. "Good morning, Albus. Would you like a drink?" she asked politely as she conducted him to the sitting room. "Pumpkin juice, please, thank you," Albus replied with a serene smile as he took a seat on the leather couch. Books lined every inch of the walls and a single lamp shone on the side table. Albus sighed. Lily re-appeared minutes later with a tea tray hovering in front of her. She handed her guest a glass of Pumpkin juice.

"You said you needed to talk to me, Albus?" she asked curiously as she took a sip of her drink. Albus smiled deceptively. "How's life as Mrs. Snape?" he inquired. "I hear you have a little bundle of joy coming along." Lily laughed. "Everything I dreamt it would be and more," she said, joy radiating from her green eyes. "How did you find out about that?" she added incredulously. "We just found out yesterday morning."

"Severus could not keep still at all during the staff meeting yesterday," he replied with a chuckle. "Minerva had to threaten to bind him to his chair." They shared a laugh at that. "We can't wait!" Lily exclaimed with the excited air of a first-time parent. Albus indulged her with a smile. His smile vanished soon after, however, replaced by a look of serious contemplation. "I came to talk to you about this, Lily," he stated and she sobered.

"Are you sure you want this child?" he asked quietly. His question was greeted by stunned silence. Lily leaned back into the smooth leather, eyes wide with surprise. "Of course I want the child, Albus! How could you think otherwise?" she demanded, incensed. Her glass was gripped tightly in his hand, knuckles white from the force she placed on it.

"Listen to me," Albus implored as he set his glass on the coffee table between them. "There is a war coming. It is no time to raise a child, especially since both Severus and yourself are such a part of the Order. The child would never have a proper childhood. Wait until after the war. He would never need to see the carnage of war that way."

Lily looked horrified at the suggestion and its implications. "You're joking, right?" she asked, although she he wasn't. "This is all some sick joke." Albus looked at her gravely over his half-moon spectacles and Lily felt her heart plummet. "I won't," she declared with conviction as she turned her enraged gaze on him. "I won't give up my child for that asinine reason. Molly is having a child too, isn't she? You never told her to give it up. I won't." Albus sighed as he removed his spectacles and cleaned them on his robes.

"Lily," he said with a sigh. "I didn't want to tell you this but… There is a prophecy. A prophecy that has marked your child and one other for a life neither would want." He raised his hands in a placating gesture and Lily shied away, horror and pain evident in her expression. "Severus would never stand for it," she whispered. "And neither do I." Albus fixed her with a sad smile. "I have plans for your husband, Lily. Dangerous, but necessary."

With this dark note, he departed, leaving a very confused Severus to comfort a hysterical Lily when he arrived home from the apothecary half an hour later.

Harry's Nursery, Spinners' End, Two years later…

"No! I won't leave him!" Lily cried as she cradled her crying baby closer to her. "Harry deserves a father. I deserve my husband!" Albus almost cringed at the anguish and anger that was being directed at him.

"Please, Lily. You have to. Severus needs to do this. You and Harry are safer with James, much safer," he said, trying to comfort and persuade her at the same time. "No," Lily said with barely controlled fury. "Severus does not **need** to do anything. He **has** to stay with me and watch Harry grow up. I refuse to have it any other way." She placed her baby in the crib and stood to face him. "That's that."

"I already told him you left, Lily," Albus said softly as Lily's heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.

"You what!" she exploded, rounding onto the old man, wand drawn and trained at his throat. "How could you! You had no right. No right at all!" Baby Harry started crying, kicking and entangling himself in the blanket Lily and knitted for him. Lily picked up her baby and hugged him close, rocking him gently as tears ran down her cheeks. "No right," she muttered, stroking Harry's head and kissing him intermittently. Albus steeled himself for what he had to say.

"I already told Severus, Lily. He has gone off to confront James who agreed for your safety. There's no turning back now," he said flatly. "Get your things, I'll be in the sitting room." Albus sighed, twinkle extinguished from his eyes, and left the room.

Lily gently placed her now silent baby in his crib and collapsed to her knees, heart-wrenching sobs coming from deep within her chest.

Albus Dumbledore's Office, 30th October 1981

Albus sat at his desk and listened to the anguished cries of a man that prided himself on never crying.

"Albus, please, I implore you!" Severus begged, tears running down his unshaven face. "I need to forget, I want to forget. I can't take it anymore, Albus, please!" Albus gave him a sad look but inside, he was brimming with the pleasure of victory. Hard-won and painful, yes, but victory nonetheless. Severus had been begging on his knees for hours.

"As much as it pains me, very well," Albus said slowly and a glimmer of hope appeared in Severus' murky and deadened eyes. "Meet me at the safe house tonight." Severus smiled a twisted smile of bitterness as he thanked his superior profusely. Finally, a release from it all. No more sleepless nights thinking about sweet Lily and bastard Potter. No more once-a-month visits with Harry, the son that he was barely allowed to meet but loved like the sun. No more spying for the Order. He would be able to start anew. His father had been right, he was never meant to be happy.

Hospital Wing, present

Two sets of cold and flinty eyes stared at Albus with hatred. Harry stared at Severus as if he had never seen him before as tears poured down his face. James Potter was never his father, his life so far had been one big, deceptive lie. Pain and betrayal clawed at his heart, sinking its talons maliciously into his very soul. Poppy wrapped an arm around him and he launched himself into her embrace, trembling so badly that Poppy summoned a Calming Draught.

Severus's head was bowed. He shook with silent sobs as Remus placed a comforting arm around him. "It's okay, Sev," he said quietly. Severus suddenly looked up, pure, uncontrolled rage blazing in his eyes. "It's not okay!" he screamed as he directed a gaze so entirely filled with anger and agony at Albus that he flinched. "It's not okay! I had a family, something I never had and you took it away from me. I should have known that potions accident I lost my memories in all those years ago was a lie. You fed me specific memories so that I would be your perfect spy on the Dark Lord. It was never part of the plan." His throat clogged with emotion and he choked out, "How could you, Albus? I trusted you."

Albus sighed. "I apologize for what you went through, Severus," he said, sounding wholly unapologetic in Severus' ears and his fury bubbled over. "Apologize?" he whispered in a deadly voice. "It's too late, Albus. I remember now, every single day of pain you put me through and until I get my revenge on every one of those days, don't expect me to forgive you."

He snatched his wand off the nightstand as he slid out of bed. He transfigured his clothes into suitable robes as he swayed on unsteady legs. Remus shot to his feet, anxious to help his friend. Severus waved him off, instead heading over to Poppy and prising her fingers from Harry's form, picked his slack-jawed son off her lap and stalked out of the Hospital Wing. Throwing the headmaster an uncharacteristically contemptuous look, Remus followed. Poppy glared at Albus for a few seconds more before assembling a kit of Calming Draughts, Dreamless Sleep, Pepper-up Potion and Pain Reliever. No doubt Severus would have some stashed in his personal quarters but it was always good to be prepared. Without sparing the headmaster another glance, she walked out the door, slamming it behind her in a brilliant show of her disapproval and outrage.

Albus was left alone. A single tear fell and he didn't wipe it away. It was all for the greater good. Someday, they would understand. Someday.


	10. 9

Somewhere in the distance, a door slammed. Harry jumped so violently Severus had to stop to shift his hold on the teen so that Harry would not fall. Harry let him because if he had to make his own way to wherever his father was leading them, he would probably end up on the castle floor for the rest of the summer. His brain registered faint embarrassment (he was thirteen, for Merlin's sake!) but somehow, he rather enjoyed being carried thus. It was like a familiar lullaby someone used to sing to him once upon a time, like a memory being reunited with its creators. Harry snuggled closer to the black fabric that Snape favoured, not caring for that few moments that he was in the arms of the person he didn't even want to be near, that his life had just been tossed around like clothes in a muggle washing machine.

Severus looked down in surprise. He didn't expect Harry to be so, so what was the word? Severus shook his head in confusion as he drew the boy closer to him. Was Harry forgiving him? Was Harry accepting him? He was at a loss. He was drawn out of his tumultuous thoughts as hurried footsteps clacked loudly and echoed behind him. His features hardened in anger as satisfying thoughts of Dumbledore begging pathetically with him filled his mind. He whirled around with a snarl, thinking of the impending showdown and savouring in the sweet throes of revenge.

Remus almost fell backwards as Severus twirled around, odium warping his face into one that was almost unrecognisable. Even the fearless wolf within him quailed as Remus was brought face to face with his best friend's murderous anger. If Severus was dangerous to be around when he wasn't angry, he was deadly to be around when he was. Remus still remembered vividly when Severus learnt that James and Lily had 'betrayed' him. He had to enlist Sirius' help in rebuilding Spinners' End. Remus cut his thoughts of abruptly at that as Severus features morphed into one of sincere apology.

"Thought you were Dumbledore," he muttered softly as he turned around and resumed his walk down to the dungeons. Remus was left behind, dazed, as he recovered from the close encounter with Severus Snape's legendary temper.

Severus stifled a groan as guilt was added to his already over-burdening emotions. Harry looked up at him quizzically but darted his gaze down immediately as it was met with the smouldering embers of his anger. Severus cursed himself internally as he, if it were possible, hugged the boy closer to himself. "I'm sorry," he was compelled to say and Harry shot him a startled look. They spent the next few minutes in awkward silence.

Harry heard a small groan as Snape turned back from his disastrous meeting with Professor Lupin. He looked up inquiringly but knew it was the wrong thing to do as he met with a pair of fiery obsidian eyes. He cast his gaze down hastily, hoping that he hadn't done much damage to their shattered relationship. He felt himself be pulled closer to Snape and a warm glow flared within him. "I'm sorry," Snape said with so much feeling and sincerity that Harry was taken aback.

Harry was confused. He didn't know how to act around the man, didn't know how to keep living his life. For one, he wanted nothing to do with him. He had made the subject he was looking forward to be a lesson of humiliation and failure for him. He had made his life as miserable as he could and Harry hated him for it. However, the overwhelming feeling of finally being loved, finally being wanted crashed down on him and he jumped into it, wanting nothing more than for the arms that were holding him to never let go. Yes, that was what he was going to do.

_He's offering it, take it_, said the Slytherin voice in his head and for once, Harry wholeheartedly agreed.

The dungeons loomed. Severus sighed as he found himself within proximity of his interpretation of heaven. Realising that he couldn't possibly open the door with Harry in his arms, he placed him gently on the ground. He swayed, his legs holding him only for a fraction of a second before he crumpled into Severus' arms. "Harry!" Severus exclaimed anxiously as he pulled him into a tentative standing position, supporting him with his hands. The boy appeared pale, his eyes standing out starkly on his pasty skin as they were red-rimmed with tears. He seemed to snap out of whatever reverie he was in and startled to find that he was being supported by his newfound, and possibly unwanted, father.

"I-I'm fine," he stuttered and stood himself upright, careful to keep his gaze trained on the floor. Severus placed a worried hand on his forehead and was relieved when Harry showed no sign of illness. Rather, he was just tired out for he made no move to swat Severus' hand away when it came too close. Nodding once, he opened the classroom door, leading the way as Harry shuffled in behind him uncertainly.

"You have never used the Floo before, I suppose?" Severus asked as he retrieved the emerald box that he kept the powder in. Harry nodded shyly and Severus wondered at his sudden easy compliance. He attributed it to his fatigue. "It's okay," Severus said as he offered Harry a small smile. "I'll bring you through."

Harry had no idea where he was until he felt his feet land unsteadily on the ground. He pitched forward, clinging onto the first thing he could to keep his balance. Disoriented and confused, he didn't realise Snape was talking to him until he heard him call his name. He started back to reality and was embarrassed to realise that he was being supported by his father.

"I-I'm fine," he managed as he straightened his back and balanced himself, averting his gaze from Snape's worried one. He was suddenly deluged with exhaustion. He felt a hand touch his forehead gently as if to check for fever and he did nothing for he felt too tired to move. He heard Snape's footsteps more than the opening of the door for the Potion's Master kept the hinges well oiled. With some strength of will and the overwhelming urge to collapse into bed and sleep until the sun rose again, he followed Snape into the Potions classroom.

"You have never used the Floo before, I suppose?" Snape asked neutrally as he took an emerald box from above the fireplace. Harry did and he definitely didn't want to use it so he shook his head. He was sure Snape would have disapproved of it but he was too tired to talk. "It's okay," Snape said as he smiled. Harry had to admit, a smiling Snape was a bizarre sight. "I'll bring you through."

Harry cocked his head to the side as his curiosity got the better of him. "B-Bring me through, sir?" he asked and Snape chuckled. He opened the emerald box and threw a handful of glittery powder into the fireplace. Green fire flared and the heat warmed some energy into Harry. "Step in after me," Snape instructed as he stepped into the fire. "Yes, sir," said Harry miserably as he cursed the system for all the discomfort it caused. He must have said it out-loud, for he heard a chuckle. Mortification swept through Harry and he waited for a scathing remark to come his way. Snape smiled again and Harry relaxed. "Come on, Harry, we haven't got much time," he said as he beckoned for Harry to step in after him.

Warmth licked at his legs as he complied. The gentle heat was relaxing and Harry released the breath he didn't realise he had been holding. Arms encircled him in an embrace and the warmth spread to within him. "Home," he whispered and Harry's eyes widened. Did he really have a home?


	11. 10

Fireplaces blurred before him, whizzing past as the little contents of his stomach threatened to expel. He vaguely wondered what it would look like and then decided that his mind didn't want to go there. His stomach lurched violently as they stopped so abruptly that he would have pitched forward and landed embarrassingly on his face if Snape didn't have a hold on him. Harry decided there and then that he hated the Floo, even with company.

He felt very much awake now, and his mind was clearer than it had been in days. The full brunt of the news crashed down on him and his knees buckled, causing him to land painfully on the carpeted floor. He felt Snape's hands on his shoulders as he tried to help him up but Harry shrugged him off. He didn't need his help. Snape looked confused for a moment before an impenetrable mask slipped over his features. Harry almost smirked but schooled his features to behave. It wouldn't do much for the rest of his summer with the bat if he couldn't behave. Harry almost cringed as the implications hit him. He had to spend the last two weeks with Snape in this- where was he anyway?

"Welcome to Spinners' End," Snape stated, as if he had read Harry's mind. A faint light came from a single glass ball that hung suspended from the ceiling. Snape waved his wand and light glowed gently from within crystal orbs that hovered at the four corners of the room. The room brightened considerably and Harry stared slack-jawed as its very interesting design. Bookcases that were bursting with books covered every inch of the wall and not a single door was in sight. The brick fireplace that he had just clambered out of contained a small, smouldering fire, just enough in surprisingly draughty room. A glass coffee table that held a single lamp was sandwiched between two leather sofas that were facing each other. Harry's eyes strayed to the crystal globe that floated inches off the surface of the table. Preserved in it was a flower.

A lily.

Harry felt his stomach plummet and he stifled the sudden, overwhelming longing he had for his mother. He glanced at Snape and was startled to see that he was conferring with a house elf that was mysteriously silent. Maybe Snape was as hard on his house elves as he was on his students. Harry mentally berated himself for trusting the man so easily back at Hogwarts. He had always wished his parents had never died and he had his wish half-granted. But like all things in his life, Fate decided to toy around a bit and thrust Snape into the father role. He thought of the rest of his summer and suppressed a sigh. He'll live it through. It won't kill him to be polite and behave. Didn't he do that with the Dursley's until he turned thirteen? He'll be good, take whatever Snape and Fate threw at him and come the commencement of the school term, he'd pack his bags and head to Gryffindor Tower and pretend nothing ever happened.

"Harry?" Snape called and Harry jumped. He had lost himself in his thoughts. Snape shot him a bemused look and continued, "Meet Quincy. He's mute, but his hearing abilities are amazing. If you ever need him, just say his name and he will come." The young house elf bowed politely as his bright purple eyes sparkled. It was quite a good-looking elf, although Harry wasn't sure what constituted one. Harry murmured a shy hello and Quincy bowed again.

"For goodness sake, Quincy. Stop with all that infernal bowing! I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times," Snape snapped irritably at him as the house elf gave him a sly smile and vanished with a pop. Harry wasn't quite sure what to expect and was quite taken off-guard at the house elf's fearlessness. Weren't all house elves supposed to obey their masters? Maybe Quincy had run off to play a rhythm on pots with his head. Snape rolled his eyes and Harry felt another stab of confusion. The man seemed... nicer. It seemed wrong to associate the word with the irascible Snape.

"I should give you the tour," Snape said as he led the way to one of the bookcases. The tour? It seemed like they were in the only room in the house. Was Snape going to introduce him to each and every book there was on the shelves?

"See this cookbook?" Snape asked as he pointed to a book of moderate size. Harry wondered if Snape cooked for the book was worn around the edges and amused himself for a few seconds with an image of Snape in a frilly pink apron. "This leads to the kitchen and the dining room's through there. All the books on the shelves hint to whatever room is behind it. When you want to go into any of the rooms, just tap twice on the bookcase and it will slide open." Harry nodded.

They moved to the case next to the kitchen. This shelf made that side of the wall seem like it was painted black with brown lines and silver patterns. Every book had a different title, of course, but they were all bound the same way. "This is my lab," Snape said with a hint of pride in his voice. "I'll show you some other day. Quincy has been restocking expired ingredients and it's quite messy."

Snape led him to the next bookcase, this time, next to the fireplace. It was a contrast to the dark and uniform look of the Potions bookcase. This one looked like a colourful kaleidoscope. Some books had titles that flashed brightly while others had them running continuously along the spine. Harry was surprised to see some muggle literature amongst the wizarding texts. He didn't know Snape read muggle literature.

"This leads to the rooms," Snape stated gruffly, as though the few words brought back memories that he would rather forget. "Your things are already in your room. Let's have lunch before heading up, shall we?" Harry said nothing as he followed Snape through the kitchen. It was a simple kitchen, clean and pristine. The counter was scrubbed down to an almost-shine. The aroma of freshly baked bread filled the air and Harry felt his stomach rumble. In the excitement of the day, he had quite forgotten what hungry felt like.

Over lunch, Snape was the one that started the conversation. "I know there are some things you would like to know, Harry," Snape said quietly as Harry was about to take another bite out of his tuna sandwich. They were delicious. Harry froze in the act and brought the sandwich slowly back to his plate. "Yes, sir," Harry replied, equally as quiet. Snape nodded. "You may ask them, if you wish. All I ask is for the information not to leave this house." Harry acquiesced.

"Sir," Harry hesitated as he formed the first question in his mind without sounding accusatory. "What happened?"

-----------------------------------

**A/N: I know I said 16****th**** but I couldn't resist. I can't study now anyway since by brain has refused to absorb anything since noon. The next chapter really will be after the 16****th****. Sorry about the cliffe and the length. I've been off this fic for so long I'm quite lost as to where I am. I just read through the previous chapters and I have a vague idea. If you spot any errors, do tell me and I'll change them. Thanks! (:**

**All chapters except one are currently unbeta'ed.**


	12. 11

"_Sir," Harry hesitated as he formed the first question in his mind without sounding accusatory. "What happened?"_

Severus froze. He should have seen that question coming. He meant and was more prepared for general questions such as how life was going to be like from then on. He thought of life at Hogwarts and he almost smirked at the irony of it all. Him, betrayer of the Dark Lord and spy for the Light, was going to spend his days teaching the children of Death Eaters. Potions were useful, but many were bases for creations with more sinister purposes.

"Sorry, sir," Harry's quiet voice broke through his train of thought and he started imperceptibly. "I shouldn't have asked that. You don't have to answer." Severus sighed. "I apologize," he said as Harry's eyes widened. Snape was apologizing to him? The world was going mad. "I was distracted." Snape took a steadying breath and trained his gaze on Harry.

"It is a long and incomplete story," Snape admitted. "To get the full picture, you have to ask the headmaster but seeing as neither of us want to be anywhere near that old fool at the moment, I will try my best." His intense gaze did not leave Harry for the rest of his narrative.

-----------------------------------

Spinners' End, 14 years ago

The neighbourhood was quiet as Severus apparated neatly onto the back doorstep of his brand new house. Spinners' End was under the Fidelius Charm, courtesy of Albus and one Lord Voldemort. He was gaining power at an alarming rate and Severus' potions expertise was wanted. James had always said his uncannily good skills would come back to haunt him one day. It had been a hard few months as they attempted to put the house under the charm without alerting the neighbours of magical activities in their vicinity. They had to demolish the house in full view of the neighbours, put up the charm and then re-build the house under the safety of the charm. It was tedious work and Severus had had no time to pick up the potions ingredients he had reserved months ago.

He searched his pockets for the key and groaned when he realised that he had put it under all the new shrunken potions ingredients. He wished that he could whip out his wand and unlock the door with a simple _alohomora_ but things were not that simple anymore. That spell would trigger the alarm within the house and the Order Headquarters and Grimmauld Place and within minutes, the rest of the Order of the Phoenix would come swooping in, wands blazing with the power of wizards and witches ready for battle. He wasn't about to complain, however. It would mean the difference between life and death for his precious Lily and their unborn child. Euphoria dizzied him as a lopsided grin appeared on his face. Their unborn child! He was going to be a father!

Lucky the neighbours can't see us, he thought to himself as he rapped on the door. They'd think I've gone barmy.

The door swung open on silent hinges and Severus smiled at the change. He hadn't heard a quiet door in a long time. Severus' grin faltered at the look on Lily's face. Tears ran down her face and her red-rimmed eyes shone brighter than they usually did. Her beautiful face was red, her usually impeccable hair in a mess. She let out a gut-wrenching sob before collapsing on him. He almost tumbled out the backdoor but he caught his balance.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked, terror and worry obliterating his happiness as he drew her into his embrace. "Did anything happen? Come on, let's get you inside." Lily said nothing as she sobbed into his chest, her body trembling. It seemed as if she had been crying for hours. Severus manoeuvred them both into the sitting room for Lily didn't seem to want to let go of him. Severus was bewildered. Lily rarely cried and when she did, it was usually something big. He noticed a half-drunk cup of Pumpkin juice on the table and the shattered remains of what looked like a cup of tea on the floor. Severus drew Lily closer as he whispered comfortingly into her ear. After half an hour, her wrenching sobs died and she shifted herself so close to him it was as if she was trying to attached herself permanently to him.

"What's wrong?" Severus asked as his worry escalated and he hugged her, if it were possible, even closer. "It's nothing, Sev," she mumbled back as she pulled herself together again. Her voice became stronger. "I was just worried about our future that's all. What with the war approaching and us having a baby. I'm sorry I scared you." She ran a hand through her hair and wrinkled her nose. "I'm a mess, aren't I?" she said with a watery chuckle.

Severus stared at her disbelievingly. Something was very wrong and he didn't believe her at all. Gryffindors were pathetic liars but he loved this Gryffindor more than life itself. "You're always gorgeous, love," Severus said as he tucked a lock of her copper-red hair behind her ear. Lily smiled although it didn't reach her eyes. Definitely something wrong. "You're sure you're okay?" Severus asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I'm good," Lily replied as she got up. She wiped her tears with her hands and pulled herself up to full height. "I'm good."

Something was very wrong.

-----------------------------------

"I've only seen your mother cry twice before that. Twice, and I have known her since we were children," Severus said flatly. His voice was soft and he could tell that Harry had to strain to hear him but he didn't care. His mind was awash with grief and pain. Bit by bit, pieces of the harsh person he had learnt to become fell into place. This Severus could take whatever was thrown to him and bounce back, ready to fight another day. This Severus could handle it.

Harry watched the professor closely as he narrated his tale. His gaze was on him, but the mind behind them was somewhere else far away. He caught a gleam in the older man's eyes, a flash of emotion so strong Harry almost gasped, before his they closed off again. For a few seconds, the eyes held contempt. Harry almost cringed until he realised that they were probably not for him. Snape had been incredibly nice since the truth was uncovered and it seemed like he wanted to make amends. To be a father again. Maybe… Harry's fingers twitched on the table. No, he had to hear the full story first. He didn't want to make a hasty decision on this. Not when so much hung in the balance.

"The next part," Snape said, his monotonic voice hitching slightly. Harry suddenly felt scared. Snape seemed to be battling with himself. He seemed to return to himself for that moment, determination and an unidentifiable emotion in his eyes. "The next part… I'll show you." Snape raised both his hands and rested them gently on the sides of Harry's head.

Harry was terrified.

-----------------------------------

Spinners' End, Two years after Dumbledore's visit

The world was ending, that must be it.

It must be Armageddon.

It must be.

It must be.

It **must** be.

Voldemort must have taken over and the world was over. Albus was saying something but all Severus could see was his mouth opening and closing in slow motion, eyes imploring.

James couldn't have…

Lily wouldn't…

Lily wouldn't…

Lily would never do that to them.

To Harry.

To **him**.

Agony ripped through him like a physical force, driving him to his knees. Wrenching sobs wracked his frame as he buried his face in his hands.

It was over.

So fast.

So short.

Over.

His sweet Lily. His precious Lily was gone. Up and left with Potter. Blasted Potter, damn him, damn him to the deepest regions of the Netherworld! Everything around him seemed brightly coloured, the reds were a bit too much, the yellows turned dull and the hue of rancid cheese.

Albus' voice suddenly resurfaced from beneath the roaring in his ears. "They took Harry…"

Severus froze. Albus babbled on obliviously, hand on his ex-student's shoulder. He could take the agony of Lily's betrayal, just barely, if he lied to himself. Just barely, but it was possible. This, this was pure hell.

Over and over again the words replayed in his mind. Over and over until it was all he heard.

"They took Harry…"

They took…

They…

Harry.

**Harry**.

The room was spinning around him. His breath came in rapid gasps. Pain ripped through his chest, searing permanently into his consciousness. They took him away. The little boy that made his world complete. The little boy that made the stars shine at night when all else failed. They took him away.

A letter was placed gently into his hands and Severus barely registered the fact that Albus had left. Severus opened the letter with trembling hands.

_Severus,_

_I'm sorry it has to be this way. We will be safer with James. James has given me more than you ever could this past few months. You've been away half the time on business for the Order. I barely see you anymore, Severus. I can't live like this. Harry needs a father. _

_I guess the muggle fairytales I read as a kid were all wrong. I should have listened to Albus and married James from the start. You were never the prince I needed and you never will be. It's all for the greater good. Farewell, Severus._

The parchment was crumpled and wet in his violently shaking hands. His eyes traced Lily's loping and graceful signature, over and over again, trying to will the words untrue. It had to be forged. Lily would never… She would never…

Severus couldn't bring himself to say it.

He couldn't take the anguish. He had lost them, the only people that mattered more than his Marauder friends. The people he would give his life for. He had been betrayed by them. Betrayed…

The word taunted him. Severus snarled as the parchment in his hands erupted in blue flames that burned steadily but he never relinquished his white-knuckled grip on it. The smell of burning flesh drifted up but he relished in the pain. It took him away from his mental anguish and buried him in the burning reality of physical pain.

The fire within him burned slowly, consuming him in its ravenous rage for more. Severus let it consume his soul, sweeping away all that once was and never will be. The wall that he had built around his precious little store of trust crumbled and it vanished, spirited away by the dark ghost of betrayal. He knew it was a mistake to make friends. It seemed like a cruel irony now. **Loyal** Gryffindors.

He was meant to be solitary.

With that, he tossed the flaming parchment into the fireplace and watched it die. His charred soul denied him grief, he had no right. He deserved it. He should have never gone against the laws of Fate. With that, he tossed some Floo powder into the fireplace and vanished. He needed to have a talk with a certain James Potter.

-----------------------------------

Harry returned to himself with a very audible gasp. Tears were running down his face, dripping onto his barely-touched sandwich. Just then, a memory assaulted him from nowhere.

_Baby Harry was crying. _

"_No, I won't leave him!" he heard his mama cry and Baby Harry was scared. He didn't like the shouting. Make it stop, mama. Make it stop!_

"_Please, Lily. You have to. Severus needs to do this. You and Harry are safer with James, much safer," said a male voice and Baby Harry instantly hated it. Go away! Make him go away, mama!_

_Mama said something and placed him back in the crib. Mama was making the man go away. Baby Harry quieted. The hated voice said something._

"_You what!" Mama screamed. Baby Harry was terrified. He began bawling. Mama, help! His mama picked him up and Harry stilled, nuzzling closer to her. It was comfortable and he felt his fear dissipating. He suddenly felt extremely tired. Cuddling closer to his mama, he closed his eyes and drifted. _

Severus watched Harry's reaction from the corner of his eye as his eyes brimmed with tears. It had been too long since he last cried. Suddenly, Harry's eyes glazed over and he gripped the table for support. Severus jumped out of his chair and hurried over to Harry's side of the table.

"Harry," he called anxiously as he shook the boy's thin shoulder. "Harry!" Harry snapped out of whatever trance he was in and stared at him with an unidentifiable emotion in those expressive eyes he had inherited from his mother. "Mum," he whispered softly and Severus froze.

"What did you say?" Severus asked him, equally soft.

"Mum. I saw Dumbledore telling her that… that…" Harry trailed off, tears falling thick into his lap. "It's not right. What happened."

Severus placed a hand on his son's shoulders and Harry didn't pull away. After Harry shrugged him away after they flooed over, Severus knew that Harry was so compliant only because he was still in shock. It was an improvement. An improvement that Harry did not pull away.

"I know, Harry," he murmured. "I know."

-----------------------------------

**A/N: I hope this was a good end-of-hiatus celebratory chapter. I was planning on making it a bit more dramatic and emotional but somehow, I couldn't go all the way. I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed, favourited and/or added Remember Me onto their respective lists. It really encourages me as a writer to write much more.**

**Some people have told me about how Harry has become too trusting too fast and I hope the previous chapter cleared things up a bit. Although Harry seems to trust Severus a bit more, I can't have it be a smooth journey, right? No, that just won't do (:**

**Inspiration drawn from Being Human by God or Julie and Tong Hua by Guang Liang. I still can't believe I used a Chinese song.**

**All chapters except one are currently unbeta'ed.**


	13. 12

Remus apparated into the back garden and sighed as he ran a tired hand down his prematurely lined face. The garden looked exactly the same as it did many years ago – neat and ordered. Remus looked around sadly at the property that was bound in the unstable safety of the Fidelius Charm. Severus had given so much for the cause and yet was still trapped precariously between the two warring forces that were ever closing in. It seemed like it was not his fate to escape. Not yet, anyway.

Remus walked slowly to the nondescript backdoor, savouring in the last moments of sanity before the conversation he was going to have. He knew that it was imperative to have it but it did not necessarily mean he had to like it. He had just gotten his best friend back and he didn't wish to relinquish him back to the chaotic world so soon. Stopping in front of the door, he exhaled wearily and raised a hand to knock. The door flew open so fast that it whistled dangerously past him. Remus staggered back, his hand on his wand just as another caused him to go cross-eyed for it was pointing right between his eyes. His breath caught within his chest. Severus knew enough dark curses and hexes to send Remus back to Hogwarts in a thimble.

"Remus?" Severus asked, bewildered. "What are you doing here?" Severus lowered his wand. "Sorry about that. I didn't know you were coming. You should have told me!"

Remus smirked as he tucked his wand back into his pocket. "I was going to but you took off faster than a rampaging Manticore. A letter wouldn't have got here in time and you sealed off your floo!" Remus almost snapped. He was angry, terrified and worried all bowled into one which was a particularly dangerous combination to have in a werewolf. Especially a Gryffindor werewolf that was worried for his best friend's sanity. His eyes narrowed as he took in Severus' appearance. His eyes were uncharacteristically bright and his wand trembled slightly as he held it in a lax grip.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked anxiously as Severus led them to the dining room.

"I'm fine," Severus replied curtly. "Tea?" Remus nodded and almost scoffed as he took a seat beside a quiet Harry. Harry was trembling slightly as he stared, unseeing, at his barely eaten lunch. Tears fell into his lap as his fingers twisted the black fabric of his school robes.

"Hi, Harry," greeted Remus and Harry jumped.

"Professor!" Harry exclaimed as he hastily rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you." He looked around and a sudden flicker of unidentifiable emotion crossed his features.

"Are you alright?" Remus queried gently as Severus entered with a cup of tea. Harry averted his gaze and nodded shyly. Remus looked at Severus questioningly. Severus gave him a grim look before setting his tea before him.

"Make yourself at home," Severus said as Remus took a sip of his tea. Severus had already put in the necessary additions. "I'll bring Harry up to his room. Come along, Harry." Harry got up and followed Severus out of the room. Remus' eyes travelled to the spot where he knew the family photo once hung.

It was, Remus decided, a reminder if Severus ever let Albus into the house again.

-----------------------------------

Harry was still lost in his thoughts as he followed his father (There was no point denying it, was there?) into the sitting room. If he was unsure as to how to face him before, he was downright scared and confused now. Harry wanted a father because it meant that he wouldn't need to return to the Dursleys anymore. However, was it worth trading the Dursleys for Snape? Harry knew that it took a lot for the extremely private man to open up to him like that and for a moment, he felt guilty for comparing him to the Dursleys. The man was trying, there was no doubt about it, but could Harry forgive him for the past two years of insult?

Harry was brought abruptly out of his thoughts as Snape tapped twice on the novel-stocked bookshelf. It slid open soundlessly, revealing a long corridor that made Harry gasp.

The entire corridor, with the exception of the wood panelled floor, was made of glass. From where he was standing, Harry could see the entire back garden as well as the main street on the other side of the house. The back garden seemed to be an interesting place for it was stuffed with exotic plants that Harry had never seen before. It was owned by a Potions Master, of course, and Harry was quite sure that there were some plants there that he would never reach the level of using. Nevertheless, he made a mental note to ask his father for permission to look around. The glass corridor seemed out of place in such a private man's house, however. Couldn't the neighbours see everything that was going on?

Snape seemed to have sensed his confusion. "It's a one-way glass," he explained as he led Harry down the corridor. "Your mother was extremely gifted in Charms and she charmed this corridor after James transfigured the walls into glass." His voice was level and Harry could not see his expression for his back was facing him. The corridor ended in a carpeted, moderately sized room that had three doors. The doors were a curiosity for they had no knobs and were painted a different colour – maroon, green and plain brown.

"This is your room," Severus said, gesturing to the maroon door. "Your mother thought it would be meaningful to charm each door to reflect the house affiliation of the inhabitant. As you would have deduced, the green door leads to my room, while the brown one is the guest room. It changes colour depending on the house of the individual that resides within."

"What happens when more than one person shares a room?" Harry asked. He had never seen a more interesting house.

"The colours split in half," Severus replied as he tapped the maroon door twice. "My room was once maroon and green with a separating line down the middle," he added stiffly. The maroon door slid open with a snick. Harry's jaw dropped.

A four-poster bed that resembled the one in the Gryffindor dormitories took up space in the far corner of the rectangular room. Next to it was a three-legged bedside table with a lion-shaped alarm clock. A simple desk with a set of drawers and a plush armchair stood directly opposite it. A tall, ornate-looking cupboard was next to it. Hedwig looked at him questioningly from within her cage that was perched on top of his trunk. It was simple yet beautiful furniture, but what amazed him the most were the walls.

There was no window. Instead, a mural depicting Hogwarts' sprawling grounds covered every inch of the walls. The grounds were quiet and Harry gasped as he traced the outline of Hagrid's hut with his fingers. Just then, the door opened and Hagrid strolled out, Fang at his heels. Harry's eyes widened as they walked most realistically up to the castle. The Whomping Willow swung its branches carelessly at a foolish bird that came too near.

Harry looked over at Snape with an awestruck expression and was shocked to find that Snape was wearing a similar expression.

"I forgot all about this," he murmured, his eyes gazing into a faraway place. "I painted this when you were born."

"It's beautiful, sir," Harry said sincerely. "But wouldn't having a room here uh, remind you of um, me?" Snape's face darkened and Harry almost flinched but willed himself to stay calm. "I think Dumbledore sealed this room off after he wiped my memory," he said, spitting his mentor's name angrily. "It has somehow re-appeared again." Harry nodded.

"If I remember correctly," Snape continued in a much lighter tone. "There's something you might like in here." He walked over to the Quidditch pitch and placed his hand on the Gryffindor flag that was hanging from one of the pillars. A case suspended slowly out of the ceiling. Harry's eyes widened as he recognised the crest that was emblazoned on the top. He had seen it at numerous practices. "Madam Hooch gave us this when you were born," he said as he glanced with amusement at Harry's dazed expression. "I don't know how she expected you to play back then, but I'm quite sure you would find some use for it now."

He walked to the door but before he left he turned around and surveyed the room one more time. "You might want to unpack and let Hedwig out," he suggested, gesturing at caged owl that was hooting indignantly. "Call Quincy if you need anything. I'm quite sure you'll enjoy this room. There are much more secrets to be discovered." He tapped twice on the door which slid open for him.

"Oh," Snape said as if he had just remembered something. "Welcome home." A smile curved his lips as Harry stared, flabbergasted.

-----------------------------------

When Severus entered the dining room, Remus had his head in his hands.

"Are you alright, Moony?" Severus asked, concerned. Remus looked up at him and smiled.

"Not me," he replied. "You."

"I think it's time we bring out the stronger stuff," Severus smirked as he headed for the Firewhiskey. He poured himself and Remus a cup each before bringing both the bottle and the cups over to the table. If it was going to be a long talk, it didn't hurt to be well prepared.

"So," Severus stated as he swished the liquor in the glass. "How have you been?" Remus took a sip of his drink.

"How else?" Remus chuckled, putting his cup down with a soft thunk. "I'm a werewolf, Sev. Life has never been easy. How's Harry?"

Severus sighed. How was Harry? He mulled it over in his head as he tried to think of a response.

"He seemed happy," Severus said slowly and drained his cup in one fluid motion. The stinging sensation that slid down his throat steeled him. He poured himself another. "I told him."

"You told him?"

"About his mother. About finding her on the floor crying her eyes out one day fourteen years ago. About finding out about James and Lily."

"You told him about Lily and James?" Remus asked, shocked. He knew Severus didn't like bringing up painful events since his life seemed to be one big torture session in itself.

"No," Severus replied, swallowing a quarter of his Firewhiskey in one gulp. "I showed him."

"You what?"

"I showed him using Legilimency. I still can't remember all of it. It's a bit sketchy. Lily," he took a deep breath. "Lily told me."

"Lily, as in Lily Snape, **told** you?" Remus exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes, she did. The Dark Lord wanted a potion and I couldn't give it to him. He was planning to punish me with the Cruciatus curse but instead of that, I saw Lily. She told me that Dumbledore didn't use the standard memory charm although how she knew that still eludes me."

"What happened?"

"It was a specialized memory charm that Dumbledore edited and perfected. The person it was cast on would only remember the most important parts of it. That's why I can't remember anything else but that," his voice hardened as he continued. "I trusted him."

"I know you did," Remus soothed. "What about Harry?" Remus knew that he had asked that question before but Severus seemed to have dodged the question quite easily. The Gryffindor was determined to see past the Slytherin evasion.

"I-I don't know," Severus replied, looking down at his hands which were clenched tightly on the table. "He had a vision, I think. He saw Dumbledore talking to Lily after he passed the fake letter to me. When we arrived, the Floo spat him out and he shrugged me off when I tried to help him."

"Ah," Remus laughed to lighten the moment. "I see he has inherited the unfortunate tendency of tumbling out of Floos instead of stepping out of them."

Severus glared at him before continuing. "But after I showed him the memory, he seemed to understand. I put my hand on his shoulder and he didn't shrug away."

"That's great. He seems to be warming up to you slowly. Give him time, Sev," Remus suggested quietly. "Give yourself time as well."

Severus nodded. "I will," he said softly. "I just hope he'll forgive me for the past two years. I-I always thought of him as James."

"I'll work out, Sev," Remus said as he smiled at his friend encouragingly. "It's good to have you back."

The brooding look was replaced with a smile.

"It's good to be back, Moony. It's good to be back."


	14. 13

Remus had stayed for dinner. He had rather enjoyed telling Harry all about their old escapades back in their Hogwarts days. Harry clung onto every word, body leaning slightly forward, eyes bright with anticipation.

"And then," Remus continued. "James emptied the entire jar of frog's eggs on your father's head!" The image of Snape covered head to toe in the sticky substance caused Harry to erupt in peals of laughter. Remus struggled to contain his mirth but finally caved in as Severus scowled at him. Muttering darkly about needing human parts as potions ingredients, Severus got up and cleared the empty plates with an impatient flick of his wand. All at once, Harry stopped laughing, his expression subdued and wary. Severus looked like he was hit with a rouge bludger but said nothing as he sat back down again. Awkward silence reigned as Remus glanced surreptitiously between father and son. Harry averted his eyes to the empty tabletop as he blushed in mortification. Severus, on the other hand, had his eyes on Harry, although his expression was indecipherable.

"Okay," Remus said in an attempt to break the tension. "You were saying something about an uh, improved formula, Sev?"

"Yes," Severus replied, his eyes never leaving his son. "I have managed to improve the formula somewhat." Severus stood up slowly. "Excuse me." He turned and headed off to retrieve his Remus' potion.

Harry was still staring determinedly at the tabletop when Severus returned. "I think it tastes just as bad, though," he commented as he passed a small cloth bag to Remus.

"It can't be helped can it?" Remus smiled wanly and tucked it into his robes. "Thank you, Severus." Remus glanced at the clock on the wall and started. It was already nine. "I must be off, the headmaster expected me back an hour ago." Remus stood up and glanced at Harry, who was still studiously examining the flawless surface of the table. _Talk to him_, Remus mouthed to Severus and Severus offered him a curt nod. "See you later, Harry," he said and Harry mumbled something inaudible back. Severus' eyes narrowed. Remus smiled encouragingly at him before heading out the backdoor and into the cool of the night.

-----------------------------------

Harry wasn't sure why he was so affected by Snape's sudden movement. He was suddenly reminded of his uncle the night he left the Dursleys. He was not an violent man, but sometimes, it seemed as if he was lingering on the decision of actually beating Harry a good one. Despite all that he had showed him and indicated, Harry was still wary about Snape. When he had got up suddenly, Harry was suddenly reminded of the past two years when Snape was snappish and a difficult man to interact with. When Snape had hated him.

Harry wasn't sure why he was feeling so worried and lost. For one, he wanted a father, craved a father, and he wanted it to be Snape. Or at least, he thought so. The memories that Snape had showed him and the unsaid explanation he had tried to offer had shown Harry that Snape really wanted Harry as his son. He now knew that Snape didn't have a choice, that he was just as much of a victim in Dumbledore's cruel manipulations as Harry was. But was he willing to trust? All at once, Harry hated the wily headmaster with such fervor, his breath hitched as his nails dug into the flesh of his palm.

Pale hands covered his trembling fists as long, slender fingers wrapped around his wrists. Harry jumped violently and jerked his hands away as he looked up. Pain and regret flashed simultaneously across Snape's face before hardening into the cruel mask it had been for the past few years. "Harry," Snape started as Harry shrunk back into himself. "I understand. I-I have been cruel to you in every sense of the word and for that I apologize. I cannot take back what I did but I will try. I will make it up to you, Harry. I promise." His voice hitched. "Will you let me? Will you let me be your father again?"

His eyes were pleading as they gazed into Harry's, willing him to understand. He had never wanted anyone to understand something so badly before. He was terrified that Harry would reject him, but he understood. He didn't really deserve it. Not since he gave him up and ran away to hide behind a memory charm. He was a coward, he knew. A coward for not fighting for his son. But he could rectify that, he had to rectify that. He knew, Harry knew, he was free to fight by his son's side as he took on Voldemort. Severus gazed into the wide eyes of his son as he drowned in their vivid green.

He was too young, too young…

A host of emotions roiled through Harry as he stared into his father's beseeching eyes. How did Snape know what he was thinking? Harry almost closed his eyes but he willed them to stay open. Was he willing to let Snape be his father again? The question came too fast, too early. He needed time to be alone and think. So he did the only thing he knew in a situation like this, he ran. He ran and never looked back.

-----------------------------------

Severus was taken aback when Harry suddenly stood up. The chair clattered to the ground with a sound that was too loud in his ears. With a wild and lost look in his eyes, Harry fled. Severus could do nothing but gape as he listened to his son's tumbling footsteps.

-----------------------------------

Harry didn't sleep until late in the night, or rather, early in the morning. The Hogwarts clock tower placed the time at 4 in the morning. Harry stared at the stars that were sprinkled all over the ceiling. He had realised that if the sky in his room was rather like the enchanted ceiling at Hogwarts.

Harry tried to sort out his troubled and tangled thoughts and was failing miserably. Snape had apologized to him. A few days ago, Harry would have laughed. _But it's not a few days ago_, Harry thought as he picked at the cuticles of his left hand. _This is now_.

Harry dearly wanted to hit himself so hard over the head that he never woke up so that he wouldn't have to deal with this problem. Snape never apologized but he did. For some inexplicable reason, he **wanted** to give him a chance. Was he so desperate for someone to love him unconditionally that he was willing to give the paternal role to Snape, a man who had despised and insulted him everyday for the past two years? Harry mulled the idea over in his head before remembering something that startled him so much that he bolted upright.

The night after the Dementors attacked the Hogwarts Infirmary, he had a dream. A dream he had never had before. Everything seemed to click into place.

_Daddy can't be here for you anymore. But don't worry, nothing's going to harm you. He's not going to get to you. I won't allow it. As long as I have a breath in me, as long as I have my magic intact, I will protect you._

Tears suddenly sprung to Harry's eyes and he had no idea why. He remembered the day it happened with vivid clarity even though he was just one back then. He remembered how Snape's voice cracked as he said those words. How he sounded so lost, how his voice sounded so hurt with the anguish he must have felt, with the overwhelming love he had for the little boy.

_I'm sorry, Harry. Remember me, even if I can't remember you._

Remember…

Snape had left a month after Lily and James' 'betrayal'. After they took baby Harry away. The pain he must have felt…

Harry suddenly knew what he had to do. Turning over, he closed his eyes. He needed all the energy he could get for tomorrow's conversation.

-----------------------------------

_The stone arch was a forbidding sight. Ancient runes adorned the crumbled and cracked structure. A thin veil fluttered in nonexistent wind. Suddenly, all hell broke loose. Shield charms were hastily erected here and there as sparks, red, blue, yellow, shot back and forth. Harry dodged under a stunner as he shot one back at his assailant. That'll teach him a lesson. _

_He had to run. He had to get to him. Get to… Get to who? Harry stood still for a moment, dangerously so in battle. Get to who? A sudden, high-pitched scream of laughter subdued the cries of battle. The world stopped spinning as Harry watched him fall… fall… fall… into the veil. He smiled his last at Harry and all at once, Harry felt vertigo grip him. No, no, no! He can't die! No! He… Who was he? Harry was confused, so confused… _

Harry jerked awake, damp hair plastered to his forehead and breath coming out in rapid bursts. Pale moonlight from the Hogwarts mural illuminated the room with a soft glow. He shivered as the full moon disappeared behind the dark clouds. The room was suddenly unbearably hot yet undeniably cold. He sat up on his bed and rubbed his eyes.

What was that all about? Harry shuddered in remembered grief as it came back slowly to him. Who was that man? It was slowly escaping him now, trickling into the place where all lost memories go. Harry grasped at it, determined to find out. It was not afforded. Feeling awfully stifled, Harry pushed the blankets off him as his feet hit the floor.

Tapping twice on the door, he was about to step out when a pair of shining yellow eyes glared at him. He stumbled backwards as a startled cry escaped his lips. The dog's lips were bared in a feral snarl. The dog pounced. Harry screamed.


	15. 14

Severus thought he could hear the chair crack on the tiled floor as it played over and over again in an unconscious echo as he stared at the ceiling. Harry's rejection weighed heavily on his chest, like the anchor of a muggle ship. He knew that Harry was not ready to trust and he was prepared for that, but he didn't expect it to hurt so much. His mind tormented him with every time he had been cruel to Harry and it was startling in clarity. He didn't know that Harry was his son, but that was no excuse. It was not right to treat an innocent child who knew nothing about his parents' follies that way. Guilt consumed him as he thought of how disappointed Lily would have been in him. It was neither Lily's nor James' fault, it was Dumbledore. Anger at the interfering old wizard rose within him and fueled a hatred so strong he wondered if Dumbledore was kept sleepless by it. He sincerely wished so, however. The man had no right to destroy his family dynamics, not when he finally had a stable life that he had long dreamed about. With a mental swipe, he kicked the ancient coot out of his mind and slammed the door.

_Harry…_

Misery clutched at his heart with greedy fingers as he crumpled the blanket beneath his hands. He knew it was futile to hope for Harry's forgiveness. He couldn't even forgive himself. He buried his head in his hands as tears threatened to finally overwhelm him. It was over again. Over. God, how he hated that word.

_Oh, Sev_, a soft voice murmured and he was jolted upright. His breathing sounded harsh and painful to his ears.

"Lily?" he moaned as his head whipped left and right, searching for the source of the voice. He heard a soft laugh.

_No, Sev, it's Rose. Of course it's me, silly._

"Oh God," Severus choked as he pulled his knees close to his chest, looking just like he did after his father's ferocious beatings as a child. "Lily, I'm so sorry."

_Hush, love. You have nothing to be sorry about._

"Of course, I do. I let you down. I let James down." His voice hitched. "I let Harry down. And now it's all over."

_No, it's not Sev. It's not over. Harry wants to forgive you, love. I know he does. He just doesn't know how. _Her voice, that had been up until then soft, hardened. _Petunia and her husband has a rather different approach to raising our son as compared to her own. He has never had a father._

"I can't, Lily. Not after what I did to him. He'll never trust me."

_Trust me. He will. He is our son. I have to go now, Sev. _

"No, wait!" Severus cried as he raised a hand to stop her even though he had no idea where she was. "Don't go," he added in an uncharacteristically small voice.

_I'll always be here with you. I love you, Severus Snape. _

"I-I love you too," Severus couldn't help the tears that fell. Lily was here, a disembodied voice, but she was here. Here to assure him that their son, God, their son, was willing to accept him as his father.

_Can I do it?_ Severus asked himself for the umpteenth that night. _Can I really do it?_

There was two more weeks to term, little time, but precious. He would show Harry just how much he cared, just how sorry he was. He would be a father again and if Harry rejected him again, then he would watch in the shadows, be his secret guardian angel because that's what his job had always been; to protect his son until his last breath dissipated into the wind and he could no longer do so. It was all that he had left. He had something more than revenge to fight for now, and he clung onto that hope with the grip of a drowning man. He knew that wherever Lily was, she would be proud.

Suddenly, a strangled cry pierced the quiet night. Fear raced through Severus' veins as he snatched his wand out of his pocket and checked shields as he raced out the room. He cursed himself fluently when he realized that while he was otherwise preoccupied, someone had managed breach the defenses to enter the boundaries. The door slid open and the sight that greeted him sent shivers up his spine and fear to render him momentarily breathless. A dog, a big, black dog, more commonly known to superstitious folk as the Grim, glared at his terrified son, its body poised to pounce.

_Black._

Severus shot a stunner at the beast and was forced to duck as it came soaring back.

_A shield!_

The dog leapt forward, its claws gleaming sinisterly in the moonlight. Harry's subsequent scream caused his heart to stop and his hair to stand. Without thinking, he lunged forward with a snarl, knocking the beast off course. Harry scrambled backwards, his eyes wide and fearful. A searing pain ripped through his arm as he wrestled with the dog but it was not as bad as the pain he felt at his son's distress. Aiming a well-placed kick at the animal, Severus sent the dog skidding across the room. It yipped as it slammed painfully into the wall.

A soft pop signaled Quincy's arrival, his purple eyes widened at the sight of Harry huddled, terrified, in the corner. He turned to look at Severus who sat a few feet away, his hand clutching his arm as blood seeped between his fingers. Horror and rage shimmered in the house elf's eyes as the normally bright purple eyes dulled. The dog growled as it clamoured to its feet again. It bounded forward and lunged once more at Harry. The adrenaline was almost tangible as Severus threw himself in front of Harry, using himself as a human shield against the rabid creature. The dog never reached its target, however.

With a soundless cry, Quincy raised his hand, sending the dog hurtling through the air. It bounced off the wall with a very audible thud and landed unconscious on the floor, hind paws splayed at odd angles. Quincy nodded in a self-satisfied sort of way before wordlessly summoning a length of rope and magically bound the animal's legs together.

In the meantime, Severus was crouched in front of Harry who was still staring wide-eyed at the dog that had almost mauled him to death.

"Harry," Severus called in an attempt to break him out of his shock. "Are you okay?" Harry didn't respond. Quincy hurried over after making sure that the ropes were tight and properly bound. He looked pointedly at Severus' pocket. Severus took no time to consider how strangely his house elf was acting as he removed the Two-way Mirror from his pocket.

"Remus Lupin," Severus stated to the mirror as he watched Quincy walk confidently over to Harry. He placed his thin arms around him in a comforting hug and Severus' eyes widened. He was grateful that Quincy had saved them and everything, but boy was he acting oddly.

"Severus!" Remus exclaimed, his expression one of worry as his face appeared in the mirror. "What happened?"

"Black attacked," Severus reported grimly and Remus flinched. "He tried to attack Harry but Quincy stopped him." Harry was more aware of his surroundings now as he glanced around, his eyes finally landing on the limp dog at the corner of the room. The little colour left in his face drained and Severus' heart skipped a beat. Severus ran a check on the wards protecting the house and realized with a jolt that there was someone else on the property. The spell could not identify the person, however, for he or she was in his or her animagus form. Severus' eyebrows furrowed in a frown as he set up stronger shields around the room they were in.

"I'm apparating over," Remus told him as he shrugged into his travelling cloak. "I've informed Albus of the break-in. We have to get Harry to Hogwarts." Hatred clouded his features at the mention of the headmaster but he said nothing about it as he asked Quincy to pack their belongings. It was the safest place for Harry to be. Quincy obliged and after offering Harry a brief squeeze, hurried off. Severus removed the anti-apparition restrictions within the protective boundary he had built around the room and hurried over to Harry.

"Are you okay?" he asked again as Harry nodded. Without caring about the implications it had on the rocky start on the relationship they had, Severus engulfed him in a hug. Harry neither shied away nor drew closer, instead concentrating on the cut Severus had sustained in the course of the action.

"Sir, you're hurt," Harry said quietly as Severus cleaned the wound and healed it with two waves of his wand. Severus offered him a smile just as a pop announced Remus arrival. He looked distinctly ruffled, his hair messy and wand drawn, breath coming in quick bursts.

"Moony?" Severus questioned as Remus started. Severus eyes narrowed. His wand whipped up to Remus' throat and Remus' eyes widened. "Who thought of having a nickname for each of the Marauders?" he almost snarled as he backed Remus into a wall. Harry's eyes widened and he moved to stop Severus but Remus shook his head as understanding flashed in his eyes.

"James did," Remus answered calmly. "James was Prongs. I'm Moony. And he, he's Padfoot."

"**Was** Padfoot," Severus corrected in a low voice as he removed his wand from Remus' throat. "Sorry, had to check."

"No problem," Remus said as he ran a hand through his hair. Harry stared at the two men, confused.

"I'll explain later, Harry," Severus said just as Quincy re-appeared with three locked trunks. "What took you so long?" he addressed Remus.

Remus' countenance was grim. "Someone's preventing apparition into the house. I don't know if it's the headmaster's doing or something worse but we have to get out. Now."

Severus nodded curtly as he helped Harry to his feet. "Quincy, could you send these to Hogwarts and wait in my quarters for me?" he asked the house elf. Quincy nodded and vanished together with the trunks.

"I doubt the Floo would work. Portkey?" Severus addressed Remus and both Remus and Severus removed a necklace from under their robes. Remus headed over to the unconscious dog and attached a chain around its neck before attaching the leather strap around his wrist.

"Hold on to me, Harry," Severus ordered and Harry hastened to comply. "We're going to Hogwarts."

There was a jerk behind his navel and Harry was suddenly very sure that he wouldn't be very fond of the portkey way of travel either.

**A/N: It's not a cliffhanger, right? **

**Hope you liked it (:**

**Next chapter: Hogwarts and Hospital Wing madness.**


	16. 15

Harry, who was mightily unused to magical means of transportation save his broom, landed violently. Apparently, Severus had landed heavily too because this time, there were no hands to support him as his knees buckled and his face went sailing to meet the carpeted floor. There was a soft, almost inaudible groan to his left as Severus clambered to his feet and massaged his temples. He then offered Harry a hand which Harry accepted gratefully. His legs weren't really working right.

"You made it," stated a quiet and almost contemplative voice behind the headmaster's chair and Severus scowled. "But where is Remus?"

Severus felt the claws of dread clutch at his heart as he did a quick visual sweep of the room. His heart sunk horribly when he realized that Remus was probably still back at Spinners' End, chained to a murderous dog.

"Stay here," he instructed Harry as he maneuvered him into one of the high-backed visitor chairs. "I'll be right back."

Severus was striding towards the door when suddenly, two loud clicks echoed in the silence of the room. Severus' scowl deepened.

"Let me out," he ordered, his voice hard but betraying no other emotion.

"No," Dumbledore replied as he swiveled the chair round to have his gaze meet his. "He has to fend for himself. An hour ago, a teenage muggle couple sighted a black dog lurking around the edges of Spinners' End. They couldn't see Spinners' End of course, but the dog was acting in a rather odd manner. It seemed highly agitated. It is not safe."

"Not safe?" Severus drawled in a dangerously low voice. "Then Remus needs all the help he can get. Let. Me. Out."

"No," Dumbledore stated simply as he trained his gaze at the locked door.

Severus was about to scream in exasperation when the fireplace flared green. Remus stumbled out warily, wand poised and ready to fire any hex he deemed necessary. His expression was hard and angry and the presence of the wolf within was almost tangible. Harry flinched involuntarily. Remus softened his expression as he lowered his wand and smiled guiltily at Harry. Harry smiled back.

"What happened?" Severus demanded as he gripped Remus by the shoulders and guided him into another high-backed chair that appeared out of nowhere.

"He got away," Remus snapped angrily. "Apparently, whoever was helping him put protection against involuntary portkey on him and the protection whisked him away. Your Floo's been tampered with, by the way. It spat me out at four different locations before I landed here. I had to fight off a group of robbed goblins the second time and no, I don't want to do that again."

Severus bit back a groan. Black was free again and so, Harry's upcoming year at Hogwarts wasn't. It wasn't safe to go to Hogsmeade anymore and he doubted Hogwarts' defenses if the power of all the Order members combined could not protect Spinners' End. This was seriously detrimental to the effort Severus was putting in to build a relationship with his son.

Severus was snapped out of his thoughts when a sudden terrible gagging filled the air. Harry had one hand clutching his throat, his nails digging into the tender flesh, while the other was clamped over his scar as blood poured from it. He was terrified as his eyes pleaded with Severus to do something. Severus rushed to him and knelt down in front of him while Remus jumped out of his chair. Dumbledore appeared calm and collected, although no one was particularly caring at the moment. Severus watched, transfixed, as the familiar green eyes slowly morphed, the colour changing from green to yellow to red. They slanted upwards, becoming thinner and slit-like. It was a disturbing effect on a boy but even more so for Severus as he watched whatever monster that had inhabited his son use his features to shoot Severus a malicious grin.

"My dear Severus," the creature within compelled Harry to say in a familiar and cold drawl as he thrashed in agony within the confines of his mind. "How are you doing?"

Severus made to snarl something awful but Dumbledore put up a hand, effectively silencing him. At times like this, it was safer just to follow the instructions of a 150 year old wizard.

"I see you're doing great. Good, good," Voldemort said conversationally. "As for young Harry here, well, he's not doing that great. If only you knew how much it hurts him for us to have this little get-together." He sighed. "But I like it. It's nice to feel young again."

"Get out of him!" Severus yelled as he glared at the eyes, the only out of place feature, with vicious hatred.

"Make me," Voldemort taunted in a sing-song voice and laughed a high, cruel laugh. "See Harry, your daddy isn't doing anything to save you. What's that?" He paused. "Oh, alright." The voice warmed and yet was shrill with terror and pain. "Dad!"

"Harry," Severus whispered as he clutched Harry's shoulders. "Fight him, son. You can do it."

"It's not Harry!" Remus cried just as the eyes turned a deep cherry red. A cruel laugh resonated throughout the room sending shivers up Severus' spine.

"Oh, that was fun," Voldemort chuckled. "But I tire of games. You have messed up my plans too many times, Order of the Phoenix. It will not happen again. This, well, this is just a reminder as to what will happen the next time it does. Have fun. _Crucio_."

Laughter reached its peak but this time, raw screams of agony joined it, rising and never falling. The laughter faded, but the screaming continued as Harry writhed and spasmed on the chair. His eyes had resumed their original shape and colour, but Harry's skin was quickly paling as sweat dripped down his forehead, intermingling with the blood that was falling freely from his lightning bolt scar. Severus and Remus watched on helplessly as Harry screamed.

His screams soon died into harsh whimpers as Harry curled up into a ball. Severus placed a hand on his back tentatively and Harry flinched violently causing Severus to dart his hand back as if stung. Tears streamed down Harry's face as he rocked himself gently. Severus felt a thrill of terror at Harry's mental state as well as a stab of agony at the pain he had to suffer. Cruciatus at thirteen, what next?

"Hospital Wing," Dumbledore ordered suddenly as he turned to confer with his phoenix. It trilled solemnly before disappearing in a flash of fire. Severus conjured a stretcher and gently levitated a violently trembling Harry onto it for he could not currently bear touch. The doors swung open and without throwing Dumbledore a second glance, Severus stalked out with Remus beside him, and his suffering son perched on the floating stretcher before him.

_-----------------------------------_

Severus burst into the Hospital Wing just as Madam Pomfrey hurried up to him.

"Professor Dumbledore told me," she stated brusquely and pointed at a bed that was already prepped and ready. Severus brought the stretcher over and gently transferred Harry onto the bed. Before anyone knew it, he was under the blankets, head buried in the pillow. Madam Pomfrey came over with several vials of potions in hand.

"Harry," she coaxed as she placed a hand on what looked like Harry's back. The figure under the blankets jerked so violently that the bed frame rattled. Nevertheless, she left her hand there. "Come on, Harry. You have to take this. It's anti-Cruciatus potion. It'll make you feel better."

The figure under the blankets trembled but did not move. Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Come on, you can do this, Harry. You're a brave boy." Tentatively, the blankets shifted. Severus held his breath as both him and Remus watched on. A mop of unruly black hair emerged from under the pillows. Severus released the breath he was holding and caught Remus' gaze. Remus nodded at him, relief evident in his eyes. Madam Pomfrey smiled encouragingly as Harry sat up slowly.

He blinked owlishly.

The tears that were pooling in his eyes fell.

Madam Pomfrey uncorked the vial and was about to hand it over to Harry when every single window in the Hospital Wing shattered. Glass pieces swirled in slow motion and landed gently like snow. The adults started but had their gaze fixed on Harry as a protective bubble formed around him. His lips were moving in a soundless 'no' as he pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them in a death grip. The Hospital Wing door burst open with a loud bang and everyone looked up.

There was no one there.

Suddenly, both Remus and Madam Pomfrey were hurtling through the air, potions vials shattering on the floor. They landed in a heap outside and before they had oriented themselves enough to understand what happened, the heavy doors slammed and the locks clicked.

"Damn it!" swore Remus as he shook the knocker violently.

"Language, Remus!" Madam Pomfrey admonished. "They can still hear you from inside!"

"Severus! Is everything all right in there?" Remus shouted. He was greeted by silence.

_-----------------------------------_

Inside, Severus was glued onto his chair as he assessed the damage. All the glass items had shattered as the lock clicked and various potions that should never be combined in a human body mixed together as they pooled on the floor. The beds were jumbled, the fabric that was once bedspreads were shredded and littered the floor. Harry was rocking slowly back and forth in his own protective bubble.

"No, no, no, no, **no**," he murmured faintly in the absolute quiet of the Infirmary.

"Shh, it's alright, Harry," Severus tried to comfort Harry although he had absolutely no idea what was going on in his head. "It'll work out."

The bubble flickered as Harry raised his head timidly. "No. It won't. He's dead," Harry stated, his voice wobbly and plaintive. He sounded as if he was five instead of thirteen.

_Dead? _Severus thought as he edged closer towards Harry, careful not to make any sudden movements. Harry didn't seem to notice as his gaze was fixed onto Severus'. _Who's dead?_

"Who, Harry?" Severus asked and immediately wished he could take back his words as the bubble stopped flickering and became an almost translucent shield. Harry's breathing hitched.

"Ron. Burrow attacked," he whimpered and all at once, his expression crumpled. Tears fell heavily from his eyes as he averted his gaze.

Weasley? Severus was confused. As far as he knew, Weasley was currently visiting his brother in Egypt. Nevertheless, he persevered.

"Harry, he's not dead," Severus soothed. He could almost touch the bubble without lifting his hands much. "He's very much alive, I assure you."

Harry gazed up at him with so much hope, it hurt just to look at them. "Really?" he whispered. "But- But I saw Voldemort kill him."

Severus' eyes widened. Oh Merlin, what did that bastard make him believe?

"It was all because of m- me. M-my fault. I- I shouldn' have made f-friends with h-him," Harry stuttered as grief clouded his vision. "H- He t-tortured him b-before k-killing h-him." Harry choked and closed his eyes, pulling his knees even closer to himself as if he wished he could disappear.

If it could, Severus' heart would have shattered into a million pieces. The pure anguish Harry felt was almost palpable and Severus' heart ached at it. He couldn't let his son suffer like this.

"Harry," Severus said as he raised his hand to place it on Harry's shoulder. The bubble got in the way and his hand fluttered uselessly to his lap. He almost sighed. "Harry, it's not your fault. Mr. Weasley is not dead. I will never lie to you, Harry. I promise you that. Mr. Weasley is very much alive."

The bubble paled and became more transparent. It flickered. Harry raised his head slightly until only his green eyes shone behind his bangs. "I don't believe you, sir," he said softly. Severus wondered which part of the statement he was referring to. "You hate me." Ah.

"I- I don't hate you, Harry," Severus said sincerely, hoping fervently that Harry would understand. "I love you with all my heart. I loved you ever since you were a baby. I just forgot." His voice hitched with emotion. "I know I shouldn't have, Harry. I am so sorry. I don't deserve to be forgiven, but please believe me on this. I would never, **ever**, lie to you."

Harry stared at him wide-eyed throughout his entire soliloquy. "You will never lie to me?" he asked in a voice that sounded like a little child that required constant reassurance.

"Never," Severus intoned as his gaze bore into Harry's.

"So Ron's not dead?" Harry questioned, his voice still a bit wobbly.

"No, Harry. Mr. Weasley is not dead. He is in Egypt visiting his brother," Severus explained.

"Good," Harry whispered and the bubble dissipated. "Good." The door banged open suddenly as the lock clicked again. A very flustered Madam Pomfrey followed by an equally concerned Remus bustled in. Harry collapsed from the sheer exhaustion of releasing so much accidental magic at one go and Severus lunged forwards to catch him before he tumbled off the bed.

Madam Pomfrey did the best that she could and after that, Harry was as good as new. The only thing was that he was unconscious and would be weak for a few days.

For the rest of the day and night, Severus settled himself into the chair beside Harry's bed and kept vigil. The only thought in his head was that he was the only one Harry had allowed to stay. Despite the resulting conversation, maybe their relationship was going somewhere after all.


	17. 16

_Fire. Hot. Burning. Consuming._

_The agonized screams were growing louder, louder… It sounded familiar, too familiar…_

_The screams faded off into the night._

_Gulping. _

_Frantic breaths. _

_The fire parted._

_Harry froze._

_The fire rose, higher, higher until it burned through the ceiling and reached for the twinkling stars in the night sky. A zephyr drifted past lazily. Pieces of wood, planks fell to the ground with resolute thuds. Through the red veil of flames, he saw Ron._

"_No, Ron!" Harry yelled, the fire couldn't touch his heart. He was cold, so cold… A shrill, frigid and mirth-filled laugh. Ron looked up, his gaze boring into his, incriminating, pain-filled, broken. _

"_Ha-rry," he whispered. "I trusted you… I should have never… never befriended you… We'll all die… Your friends all die… Ha-rry…"_

"_No!" Harry cried, tears pouring down his cheeks, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he tried to fight the cold. _

_Trembling._

_Silence._

"_It's not true," Harry whispered softly. "It's not." _

_But he knew it was._

"_Enough of your theatrics," the shrill voice said. A figure appeared, beckoning lazily. "Come to me, Harry. Come to me and accept your fate."_

_Fear extended its creeping tendrils and choked him as it wrapped itself around his throat. He was not ready, not yet… Voldemort smiled, revealing rotting, yellow teeth. _

"_Ah, you seem to deliberate, Potter," he commented. "Maybe this will help. _Crucio."

_Ron thrashed on the floor, his screams of agony echoing, echoing, his eyes never leaving Harry's. The anguish, the mistrust, the blame burned him like not physical wound could and he flinched. And there was the cold. Harry collapsed onto his knees as he clutched his head in his hands. He could hear her somewhere in the distance, a woman, crying… crying… crying…_

"_No!" Harry screamed again, imploring. "Please, stop! I'll come." _

_Voldemort smiled. "There's a good boy."_

_Harry took a step forward, tentative. Ron glared at him. He steeled himself. He took another step, stronger, more assured._

_Voldemort raised his hands as if he wished to embrace him. Harry shuddered but carried on, his feet moving seemingly of their own accord. _

_He stepped into the embrace and the cold dissipated. Heat returned to his being and seared his chest but the feeling was detached, far away in some other land. Voldemort placed the wand in his hand and Harry gripped tight, caught in the clutches of some kind of trance. Voldemort leaned close, his breath ticklish against his ear. _

_It smelled like rotten eggs. _

"_Avada Kedavra_," _he murmured and Harry felt his mouth trace the words. It rolled off his tongue as easily as any other word had ever done. _

_A flash of green light._

_The rushing of life as it left the prone figure on the floor._

_A dull thud. _

_Something broke inside Harry. He looked at the floor and backed into Voldemort, eyes wide._

_On the floor, glassy eyed and as dead as a dried log, was his best friend, Ron Weasley._

_Harry threw his head back and screamed._

Harry scrambled awake with a cry. Sweat ran down his forehead in rivulets, mingling with the salty tears that ran from his eyes. He lay back down on his fluffy pillow and stared at the canopy as he attempted to still his frantically beating heart. It was the dream again. The same dream he had had for the past four weeks ever since Voldemort possessed him in Dumbledore's office. He wiped the sweat of his brow as he reached for his wand. His gaze flickered to the clock tower that was painted on the wall. It was three in the morning. He sat up and cancelled the involuntary silencing charm that had sprung up the moment his dream began. He sighed. Thank God his room was so enchanted that any additional use of magic was practically undetected by both the Ministry and his father.

With an urgent need to direct his thoughts from anything but the dream, he forced his thoughts in reflection of the past four weeks he had spent with his father. The first thing that popped up was the day he awoke from his exhaustion-induced state of unconsciousness.

_After what seemed like eternity, Harry stirred. An audible sigh escaped his lips as his eyes fluttered open. His dazed gaze flickered towards Snape and gained some focus when he realised that he was in the man's arms. He shifted slightly and squirmed under Snape's assessing gaze. _

"_How are you feeling?" Snape asked gently as he cast a diagnostic charm. _

"'_m fine," Harry mumbled as he closed his eyes and ceased his attempts to get away. _

"_That was some nightmare," Snape commented, his voice gentle and encouraging. "You want to tell me about it?"_

Nightmare?_ Harry thought. _What nightmare? _As suddenly as it left, it returned. He tried not to flinch and was successful. It was the first of many to come._

"_No," Harry replied stiffly as he struggled to get up. Snape tightened his hold on Harry._

"_Why not?"_

"_Don't wanna," Harry said, sounding altogether younger than he was._

_Snape sighed. "Come on, son. Tell me," he said in a tone that brooked no argument._

"_No," Harry repeated childishly. Snape was about to say something when the Hospital Wing doors creaked open. _

"_Ah, Mr. Snape, you're awake!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed as she waved her wand in a complicated pattern and casted a much more thorough diagnostic. Harry jerked. Madam Pomfrey ploughed on obliviously, explaining the various potions and cures that Harry had to ingest for the coming weeks to a vaguely disgruntled Snape. He didn't need explanations. He __**was**__ the Potions Master, after all. _

_Harry let his mind wander. How on earth did he manage to land in Snape's lap? He saw his best friend's expression and his stomach churned when he thought of Ron. _It was a nightmare_, Harry told himself sternly. _Nightmares don't come true_. _

_Or do they? _

_Ron had always said that Snape should never have children. The poor kid would have lived a nightmare of an existence. Harry wasn't sure if it was a nightmare anymore. Unconsciously, he snuggled closer to Snape and breathed deeply. The scent of cinnamon with a faint hint of crushed lavender filled him with a sense of déjà vu. Many, many years ago, when all he could do was yowl, he had breathed this scent. It returned back to him with a jumble of emotions that brought tears to his eyes. He would deny it but he had missed that smell._

_Harry didn't believe in coincidences but he felt that he had forgotten who his father was, just like how Snape forgot who his son was._

_Subconsciously, Harry knew that he had already accepted Snape. It was like a jigsaw piece that had slipped into place without his knowledge, a stopped clock that was just picking up where it stopped. After years of watching Uncle Vernon lavish love and fatherly affection on Dudley, Harry suddenly yearned for that too. Harry felt like he had also been hit with an _obliviate_ except this one had no counter, no cure. Deep down, he knew he didn't resent Snape for running away into oblivion. How could anyone survive having such a precious feeling of love ripped away from him? Deep in his subconscious mind, he was responding to his father's affection and request for a second chance. His conscious mind just needed to co-operate. _

_Harry's train of thought was broken as Snape quietly called his name. "Both the headmaster and Remus have re-warded Spinners' End, I'll add mine once we arrive," he explained as he shrunk Harry's medication, placed an anti-breaking charm on the glass bottles and put them in his pocket. "Are you up to walking?"_

"_Yeah," Harry replied as he slowly uncurled himself and brought himself to stand on unsteady legs. He staggered slightly and immediately, hands flew to support him. Harry threw the past two years of animosity out the window. His father cared now and for now, that was all that mattered._

"_Easy," Snape murmured and steered Harry towards the floo. He reached for the pot on the mantel and tossed it into the fire. The smouldering embers flared to life in a display of green fire. They stepped in. The fireplace was small and Harry was forced to lean against Snape. Somehow, Harry didn't mind. _

"_Can I do it?" Harry asked quietly. There was silence, broken only by the insistent scratch of quill on paper from the matron's office. _

"_Certainly," Snape replied, surprise evident in his voice._

_Harry took a deep breath. "Home," he whispered and he closed his eyes and held onto his father for support as other fireplaces raced by._

Harry smiled faintly as he returned to the present. His fingers were playing idly with the hem of his shirt. His increased heart rate had slowed considerably and Harry felt altogether human again. He was just about to turn over and attempt sleep when the cold gripped him again. Shuddering, he pulled the blanket up to his chin and directed his thoughts elsewhere.

"_Harry, breakfast!" Snape called up the stairs. There was a crash and Harry bounded out the door looking distinctively dishevelled. _

"_What happened?" Snape asked in concern._

"_Couldn't find the door," Harry mumbled as his father raised a slender eyebrow. _

"_You couldn't find the door," he drawled. "How in Merlin's name can you not find the door in your own room?"_

"_It was pretending to be the Astronomy Tower!" Harry complained. "Besides, it's only been my room for a few days!" _

_Snape smirked and steered Harry to the dining table. It had only been a few days but Harry had tried his very best to be cooperative and the improving relationship he was enjoying with his father had made it one of the best few days of his life. Harry felt an unfamiliar pang of grief as he hoped fervently that it would last. The new term was looming and Harry hoped that his father wouldn't abandon him the moment they stepped foot into the castle. He had realised that news of his espionage for the Light had put him on the priority death list of any Death Eater. Although Harry knew that his father was no longer a pseudo-Death Eater, he knew that he still had a mean Potions Master front to put on and terrify his students. He didn't expect that to change in the coming years._

"_Harry?" his father called._

"_Huh?" Harry said as he snapped out of his reverie._

_Snape smirked. "I asked you if you would like to go flying in the garden today. But judging from your lack of response, you seem to want to do something else."_

"_I'll love to go flying!" Harry exclaimed happily as he started attacking his breakfast with gusto. "When can I go?"_

"_After breakfast," Snape replied, a faint trace of amusement in his voice. _

_Harry missed flying as much as he missed his friends. He hadn't been able to write due to the nature of the specially tailored Unplottable charm placed on the property which prevented owls from leaving or entering unless accompanied by a wizard of the property. Since Harry wasn't allowed to leave the grounds, he hadn't been able to send anything out and there was the danger of it being intercepted by Death Eaters who would then be able to trace the owl back to him. _

_Flying alone wasn't much fun but it was flying. Maybe he could persuade Snape to go flying with him._

_Harry thought that he would look back at that day fondly for many a day to come. As it turned out, he did manage to persuade his father to go flying with him and they even played with the snitch in the Quidditch set that Madam Hooch gave. He was banned, however, on pain of scrubbing cauldrons for the rest of his school career from telling anyone about the game. Harry wasn't about to. As Gryffindor's best seeker for nearly a decade, he lost every round._

Harry chuckled softly and felt the cold ease away. Sighing, he pushed himself off the bed and glanced at the calendar on his bedside table. It was the last day of August and tomorrow, he would be returning to Hogwarts. It would be a rough day of packing and shoving all his belongings into his trunk for he had two years worth of accumulated junk and another years worth of new books to shove in there. He wondered if he should buy a new trunk just to put his other things in but figured it would be too much. Even Malfoy didn't bring an extra trunk to store his perfectly tailored robes and high-end broom.

Sleep gave up on him for the night, instead heading off to refresh someone else. Figuring that it would be futile to try, he got up and padded over to his trunk. The pile of books that were stacked neatly on his table was rather menacing. He groaned as he opened his trunk. It was already full to the top. Clothes were strewn all over, wrapping around books and creating a general mess that was typical of most boys his age. He emptied the trunk and cleaned the bottom of the dust and dirt that had gathered over the past two years. He stacked his First and Second Year books side-by-side and that already took up near half of his trunk. He was about to attempt squeezing his clothes into the other half when the door slid open.

"Harry?" Snape asked incredulously as he stepped into the room. "What in Merlin's name are you doing?"

"Packing, sir," Harry replied sheepishly.

"Packing," Snape repeated as if he had never heard of anything so ridiculous in his life. "It's three in the morning."

"I know," Harry said as he folded his school cloak in the smallest it could become and stuffed it next to his bag of socks. "I couldn't sleep."

"Is this a regular thing for you, packing in the dead of the night when you can't sleep?" Snape asked conversationally as he came up to Harry. "You do realise that you can leave some of your things here, right?"

Harry pondered. He hadn't thought of that. He ignored the stab of grief that he felt when he realised the disappointment that Snape must be feeling although his expression betrayed nothing. "Oh yeah."

Snape smirked. "Since I'm already out of bed, let me help."

Harry reluctantly acquiesced when he realised that it would be futile to protest. Snape removed the entire stack of Lockhart's books and placed in on the floor.

"Do you want all these?" he asked, disgust apparent in his voice. "I wouldn't object if you did but I doubt it would be of use to anyone."

Harry laughed and shook his head. "I never know when I might need them. It might be useful if I had to lob something at someone," he said seriously and Snape smiled.

"It might," he allowed and hovered them to the table. With his father's help, Harry was able to pack his trunk properly. His uncle had always helped Dudley whenever they were going on holiday. Harry thought it was a rather fatherly thing to do. Stretching as he followed his father down to a very early breakfast, he smiled.


	18. 17

Harry was pacing back and forth in front of Hogwarts' formidable façade, waiting, as the darkness slowly descended, for the arrival of the carriages. Anticipation caused him to alternate between wearing a path in the gravel and stopping and staring into the distance, squinting for any sigh of their arrival. He missed his friends, especially Ron and Hermione, and the past two months of virtually no contact was torturous even if he had his father for company. Despite this, he was slightly nervous as to how he the year would pan out. Neither he nor his father had broached the subject of how their changed status would affect the school year. He knew it was unreasonable of him but he didn't want anything to change. He was just finding the father in the man and he didn't want to let go. Harry was planning on seeking his father out that afternoon but his strange case of butterflies caused him to run in the opposite direction whenever the familiar dark shadow was around the corner.

The first carriage came into view, first a silhouette in the fog and then a wooden structure that was pulled along by nothing in sight. The crunching of the gravel was strangely soothing. A wide grin spread slowly across Harry's face, as if he wished to savour every moment. The carriage grinded to a halt, spraying smaller pieces of gravel all over as the door swung open.

"Harry!" Hermione cried as she stepped out and threw himself at him. Harry staggered backwards and almost tumbled over if not for the fact that he had Ron had come round and thumped him hard on the back.

"How're you doing, mate?" Ron asked cheerfully. "Heard from Dumbledore that you've been training or something."

"Uh, yeah," Harry replied awkwardly. "With Se-Snape." He was relieved as he didn't want to lie to his best friends and he didn't possess the quick wit to concoct one on the spot either.

"Snape?" Ron exclaimed incredulously. "Why not Dumbledore?"

A second carriage trundled up the lane as happy chatter floated up from the path.

"Let's continue the conversation inside," Hermione suggested and the trio entered the castle. Harry thanked whoever who coordinated the carriage arrivals for its perfect timing. He had no idea how to answer that question. Unfortunately, Ron wasn't about to let the topic lie.

"Well," Ron demanded. "Why didn't Dumbledore teach you himself? He's the most powerful wizard in Britain, isn't he?" A portrait of a rather strict-looking nun they were passing gave him a disapproving glare for both his tone and his disrespect towards the headmaster.

"He was busy," Harry said. Hermione rolled her eyes and resisted hitting Ron over the head with her duffle. Ron could be quite the idiot sometimes.

"He didn't seem that busy to me when he came over for dinner the other night," Ron argued, not about to let the fact that his best friend had to suffer through a month and a half of the greasy Potions Master. "It must have been horrible, being stuck with that excuse of a professor!"

Harry felt his blood boil and tried not to scream at Ron as he wrestled with his rather formidable temper. He knew logically that he couldn't fault Ron. Wasn't that exactly how he felt about Snape for the past two years? It was different now, of course. Severus Snape was his father and as much as Harry couldn't believe it, he had a family. He was starting to find some affection for the man. It was easy, like picking up a journey on a straight road where he had left off. Harry attempted to rein in his anger and with gargantuan effort, shrugged. Hermione's eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth to voice something but was fortunately interrupted by someone who had just stepped out of the shadows.

"Mr. Potter," Snape drawled. His face was set in its customary sneer but his eyes gleamed with an emotion that Harry did not really understand and he squirmed under the scrutiny. "My office. After the feast." Without waiting for an explanation, he gathered his robes around him majestically and turned to stalk away.

"What for? Term hasn't even started yet!" Ron burst out indignantly as Harry opened his mouth to say something rude about the man. Hermione was already detecting something fishy and it wouldn't do for her to find out. He wasn't even sure why he was hiding it from his best friends but he felt that it would safer to consult with his father first. After all, he didn't want to get into trouble two months into the father-son business.

Snape's eyes narrowed as he whirled around. "Well, well, Potter's champion, are you?" he said derisively. "I am sure our Golden Boy here would be grateful if he could extricate himself from his throng of admirers." He gave a fearsome glare to a group of people behind Harry then added as Ron turned red and opened his mouth to say something that was obviously going to be unpleasant, Snape added, "Unless you wish to spend your evening in the first detention of the year, Mr. Weasley, I suggest you keep your mouth shut and get out of my sight." With that, he stalked off. Harry glared at his dwindling back and hoped that it was enough to distract his friends from the truth and himself from the churning emotions that were roiling through him. He was only partly successful.

"Potter! Weasley! Granger!" barked Professor McGonagall from behind them. "What is the meaning of this?" Gulping, the trio turned around. They had blocked up the entire corridor and she was giving them rather severe looks. Nodding apologetically, they sheepishly made their way through the Great Hall's large doors, Ron muttering darkly about vampire Potions professors and Harry restraining himself from grabbing his best friend's duffle and shoving it down said friend's throat.

The feast was as magnificent as ever; the food was delicious, the talk was loud and the atmosphere was lively. The headmaster had announced the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Professor Remus Lupin, amidst a smattering of applause. The professor looked like he needed new robes as well as more vitamins. Malfoy smirked and muttered something to his friends. The knot of Slytherins burst into raucous laughter. Harry clenched jaws in anger. Although Harry had only known him for a month and a half, he felt indignant on the behalf of his father's best friend. Harry felt eyes on him and he directed his gaze towards the head table. His father was studying him, a warning that only Harry could understand in his eyes. Harry ducked his head and tucked into his meal.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Hermione asked as she noticed Harry's odd behavior.

"Nothing," he mumbled and helped himself to a second helping of chicken. Ron was already on his third. Hermione gave him a suspicious look before groaning with disgust as Ron chewed his chicken like a caveman. Harry had to agree. His best friend's table manners left much to be desired.

-----

Harry told Ron and Hermione not to wait up for him as he filed out of the hall with the rest of the student body. Hermione gave him an anxious look as he bade them goodbye.

"Relax, Hermione. He probably just wants to schedule more lessons. Dumbledore apparently wants him to continue," Harry reassured her, adding a grimace for a good measure. He ducked out of sight hastily, however, as Colin Creevey came running up to him with a camera, his younger brother in tow, faces shining with adoration. It seemed like the hero worship from the year before had not diminished one bit.

Harry took his time making his way down the stairs towards the dungeons. His stomach twisted with a myriad of emotions and he wished he hadn't eaten so much for dinner. He didn't understand why he was so nervous. After all, he was only going to look for Snape while his best friends believed that all they meant to do was to schedule training sessions for the upcoming school year. He wished that his father had chosen a better way of delivering his message, however. He knew that it was a show that had to be put on.

Despite the fact that he was no longer a Death Eater, Snape still carried the mark and the social stigma of being one. He was also generally mistrusted by the student population sans Slytherins due to his sarcastic nature and the extremely high expectations he had of his students. Besides, the Slytherins who had Death Eaters for parents would probably know about his betrayal and would have had orders to pass along any compromising information regarding one Severus Snape to be used against him. Harry trudged along wearily.

Third year was going to be a blast, especially with Sirius Black out of Azkaban. His father had told him that the mass murderer and dog animagus was after him, no doubt on the Dark Lord's orders. In fact, he already did for the black dog that attacked him both at Magnolia Crescent and Spinners' End was one and the same. Harry shuddered whenever he thought of the haunted eyes and bared teeth in the wanted posters that emblazoned the front cover of The Daily Prophet every day. He knew why Voldemort wanted him dead and Harry wasn't going to give him the pleasure.

His thoughts wandered along the same vein and before he knew it, he was standing outside a familiar wooden door, heart beating and palms sweating. The butterflies were back with a vengeance and Harry cringed as he rapped on the door. Something told him that there would be nasty words exchanged tonight. Harry accepted it, but he didn't have to like it.

-----

The Potions Master was sitting at his desk, writing industriously away on a rather long length of parchment.

"Good evening, sir," Harry said quietly as he closed the door behind him. Snape said nothing as he led Harry to a door he had never seen before. He placed a palm on the door and mouthed some complicated looking words. The man's silence was beginning to grate on Harry's nerves and he rubbed his wet palms against his trousers. His palms stayed dry for a couple of seconds before becoming damp again. The door creaked open and directed Harry inside. Harry gasped; the layout and decorations were so similar to that of Spinners' End that Harry wondered if the door was merely a portal to it. Snape caught the stunned and confused expression on Harry's face and smirked as he closed the door. Harry felt a surge of magic wash over him as wards erected themselves.

"This is my quarters at Hogwarts, Harry. Only those I have given permission to and see this door," he explained and gestured at the closed door behind him. "Only those who know the password may enter." He led Harry to the couch and sat down opposite him. Over the pass few weeks, he had witnessed firsthand his father's paranoia and high regard for safety and had nothing to comment about the tight security. For a spy like Snape, safety was both a necessity and an obsession.

"There are some things I wish to discuss with you," he continued and leaned forwards so that he was now leaning his elbows on his knees. "Firstly, why were you avoiding me?" Harry stiffened as Snape's dark gaze bored into his.

"I wasn't," Harry denied and he licked his suddenly dry lips. Snape's eyes narrowed.

"I know you're lying, Harry," Snape said seriously. "I do not tolerate lying."

Harry squirmed in his seat as his gaze wandered the room. "I'm not!" Harry exclaimed nervously.

Snape said nothing and leaned back to contemplate him. Seconds dragged into minutes and finally, Harry snapped. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, okay, I was avoiding you, all right? Now will you quit staring at me?" Harry said as he ran a hand through his messy mop of hair. Snape did not berate him for his insolence. Instead, he raised an expressive eyebrow. Harry wet his lips again.

"I was nervous about talking to you," he addressed the floor, saying the words rapidly as if they stung him.

"Excuse me?" Snape said incredulously. "Aside from Remus' occasional visit, you have been in my sole company for a month and a half now." Harry felt himself colour. The temperature was suddenly too high for his liking.

"I-I don't know what to do," Harry murmured. Snape sighed.

"Harry, you are talking in riddles," he said gently. Harry's gaze flickered to Snape's before darting back to the floor again.

"I don't want it to end," he admitted softly. Understanding dawned in Snape's obsidian eyes. Harry didn't want to lose him. He had been worried that Snape would push him away when term began. That thought caused a warm feeling to suffuse him. He smiled faintly as he placed a long finger under his chin and tilted his face so that their eyes met.

"It won't end," he said firmly. "I will not let it." Harry felt sudden tears spring to his eyes and he blinked them away. His gaze darted away.

"What if you do?" Harry whispered. "You might forget me all over again." The warm feeling evaporated, leaving Snape feeling cold. It was as if a Dementor had entered the room.

"I won't, Harry," Snape said with conviction and to prove his point, he shifted his hand to cup Harry's cheek. "I promise. I will never forget again."

Sudden anger flashed in Harry's eyes and Snape let his hand fall, startled.

"Don't!" Harry yelled as he stood up, knocking Snape backwards into his chair. "Don't make promises you can't keep. You forgot about me once, who is to say you won't forget me again?"

The resulting silence was ringing. Harry seemed to deflate before his very eyes. He stalked towards the door, fully intent on leaving.

"It was a mistake," Snape murmured, just before Harry's hand touched the door knob. "A big mistake. I-I don't know if it is enough but I am sorry, Harry. I should not have done it. It was cowardly of me."

The amount of self-loathing and pain was more than Harry had ever heard from a human being. His hand hovered indecisively above the door knob. His anger and pain had welled up seemingly from nowhere. It was as if some blocked tunnel within him had suddenly opened and the force of it had driven all his emotions out of it. It was a very long tunnel. He leaned his head against the door. The cool and smooth surface of the wood calmed him somewhat.

"Yes, it was," Harry snapped. His emotions were swinging from hurt to furious and he couldn't stop it. He turned around to face Snape, tears falling freely. "Why did you do it? Why!" His voice cracked. "I needed you. You left when your only son needed you! You knew I was yours from the very beginning and yet you blamed me just as much as you mum. Just as much as you blamed James. I was innocent, dad!" he screamed as Snape flinched. In his hurt and rage, Harry might not have realized that he had called him dad. Snape felt that his victories were all coming at the wrong times.

"Where were you when everything was falling apart?" Harry whispered as he dug his nails into his palm. "You're my father, you're supposed to love me no matter what! What if the truth is too hard to swallow again and you -and you run away?" Harry's voice rose to a hysterical squeak. "I-I won't be able to live with it, not when I know what it feels like, not when I know what it feels like to be finally loved!"

"Harry…" Snape said as he struggled for words. "I won't, I promise you. As long as I have a breath in me, as long as I have my magic intact, I will not forget. Not again."

Harry stiffened as Snape's words rang with a memory distant and past.

_As long as I have a breath in me, as long as I have my magic intact, I will protect you._

His anger drained away from him, leaving him feeling empty. Empty but safe. He staggered forwards and collapsed on the couch feeling utterly spent.

"Harry!" Snape cried as he sprang forward and cast a quick diagnostic over him. Other than emotional exhaustion, he was fine. Snape breathed a sigh of relief as Harry regarded him through half-closed lids.

"Believe me, son," he whispered. "I will not forget again. I will stand by you. No matter what. You're right. You're my only son. I only have you and I will only ever have you." He pulled Harry into a hug. Seconds ticked by. Slowly but surely, Harry's arms moved from their lax position on his lap to embrace his father. Snape felt his tears but blinked them back. Harry's arms were stronger around him as Harry wrapped him in a tighter embrace.

"I forgive you," Harry whispered in his ear and Snape gave up fighting back his tears.

"Thank you," he whispered back. "I love you, son."

Harry nodded, unable to speak past the tight lump that had formed in his throat. It was alright again.

Harry stumbled blindly back to Gryffindor Tower. His father had helped him apply some glamour charms that would fade in the morning so that his friends wouldn't get suspicious. After all, it wouldn't do to go back all teary just because of a meeting with Snape.

-----

Harry almost jumped out of his skin when he awoke the next morning. The dormitory was empty. He glanced at the clock and cried out. He was late! Jumping out of bed, he threw his clothes on and grabbed his book bag. He bounded down the stairs two at a time, figuring that he could grab a quick breakfast if he ran. He was annoyed that Ron didn't wake him up. What sort of best friend was he?

He skidded to a halt in front of the open doors of the Great Hall and proceeded at a much more sedate pace.

"Oi, Pott- no, I mean, Snape!" came a sudden malicious voice from too close behind him. "Where's your daddy?" All eyes turned to Harry and he staggered backwards as his heart sank. His eyes searched out the head table and he was confused to see that his father was absent. His gaze shifted to the headmaster who was looking at him in concern. What was going on? He kept his head up defiantly as he ignored all the eyes that were on him. Stalking towards the Gryffindor table, he sidled into a chair and regarded his friends. He was quite taken aback by what he saw.

Both Ron and Hermione were glaring at him with so much hatred that Harry felt that he would die many times over if they were Basilisks.

"When were you going to tell us?" Hermione snapped, her voice uncharacteristically harsh.

"I-I," Harry stuttered. "T-tell you what?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed to slits. She practically tossed a newspaper at him.

**Harry Potter A Snape!**

Harry felt his heart clench as he swore under his breath.

"Well?" Hermione demanded, her ears and face bright red with rage.

"My best friend's a Snape," Ron spat as he stood up. Everyone else looked at him warily. Shockingly, Hermione stood up as well.

"How could you, Harry? We trusted you," she said in a deadly whisper.

"What did I do?" Harry exclaimed incredulously. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

"You're a Snape," Ron repeated. "You're sitting at the wrong table, Snape!"

Harry did a formidable impression of a goldfish as he gaped at his two best friends.

"Excuse me?" Harry cried.

"You should be sitting with the Slytherins," Hermione spat in an uncharacteristically hate-filled voice. Harry's eyes widened. He was so shocked that he didn't realise the door next to the staff table open and a black-caped man billowed in. He faltered when he realized that everyone had their gazes torn between both him and Harry. He shot the headmaster a questioning look. Dumbledore almost grimaced as he gestured at the newspaper in front of him. Snape's eyes narrowed as he summoned a paper from the staff table. His eyes widened as he scanned the paper. Dropping it on the nearest end of the staff table, he stalked over to Harry.

"Get up," he ordered as Hermione and Ron pinned him with the same Basilisk glare. The hall was so quiet one could hear a pin drop. Harry complied automatically, jaws still slack and hurt building up within him like an avalanche. His friends hated him. How did their relation even get out? Vertigo gripped him as his knees buckled.

Harry felt his father's iron grip around his arm as he caught him before he fell. As he allowed himself be steered out of the hall, he felt his now ex-best friend's glares boring holes at the back of his head. He felt so numb that he didn't even realise the metal wedding band on his father's left ring finger that was digging into his skin.

**My chapters are getting longer and I'm being better at planning my chapter outlines. Both Ron and Hermione, especially Hermione, are very OOC in this chapter and will be for subsequent chapters. There is a reason for this, a rather unique reason, because to date, I have never seen it used before. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter (:**

**I would also like to thank everyone who has reviewed/added to story alert/ faved/ added to author alert. All these emails in my inbox make my day and spur me on to continue this story and improve my writing!**


	19. 18

Harry felt like he was being dragged rather than led out the door. His legs felt like rubber and everything seemed to be whizzing by in slow motion. He could still feel the burning stares of his schoolmates, accusatory. In some way, he had expected it from them. They had been brought up to think of him as Harry Potter, the hero, and not Harry Snape, the son of a Death Eater. He even expected it from Ron whom he had known to be extremely prejudiced against Slytherins in general. What he did not expect, however, was Hermione. His mind reeled as he fumbled to come to grips with the alien concept. Hermione had always been one of his best friends. She was an advocate for inter-house cohesiveness yet her display in the hall was contrary to what she believed in. She had always stood by him through thick and thin, even when the school population suspected him of being the Heir of Slytherin who had unleashed a Basilisk onto the Hogwarts grounds. Now she was with the others, wounding him with her words and burning a hole in his heart with her glares.

A feeling of being choked gripped him suddenly, causing him to gasp. His right flew up to latch onto whatever that was in front of him as his left hand gripped his forehead. His scar was throbbing with the fire of a thousand suns, rising and falling in intensity with the nonchalance of the waves. It threatened to burst right open as the pressure in his head increased and he cried out in pain and confusion. His scar had prickled sometimes whenever Voldemort was near but it had never been this excruciating before. He felt hands on his shoulders and someone calling his name from a distance. Groggily, he realized that his vision was slightly blurred due to droplets of blood that had dripped onto the inside of his glasses. He wondered vaguely where they came from as he tried to distract himself from the pain.

He was unsuccessful. Harry stumbled slightly, colliding painfully with a dark figure before his knees gave way. He felt the cold and unyielding stone beneath him as he was pulled close to warm body. The world was spinning… spinning… spinning…

Black.

_He was in the midst of a fog. Harry scrambled upright, eyes darting left and right, alert and wary. Fear flowed through him like his own blood._

_Suddenly, a figure emerged, lone and tall. His eyes were slits that glowed with a sinister red light. Harry blanched and stumbled back._

"_Harry Potter… Or should I say, Harry Snape?" Voldemort smirked. His eyes gleamed. Harry stayed silent as he stared at the evil wizard. Memories of cold arms around him, holding him and embracing him caused him to shudder._

"_I hope you liked the little show I had planned in the Great Hall," he said as he produced his wand seemingly from thin air. He twirled it in his fingers. Harry followed the movement unwillingly, mesmerized._

"_It always helps to have friends in high places." _

_Harry snapped out of his trance with the mention of friends. His eyes narrowed as a horrible suspicion came to the forefront of his mind. _

"_You did it, didn't you?" he spat venomously._

"_Did what?" Voldemort asked innocently. At least, with as much innocence as a being like Voldemort could portray._

"_You did something to my friends, didn't you?" he whispered, voice deadly. His courage was somehow bolstered by the sight of a grey cloud that snaked in from the sky. The twisted excuse of a human being didn't seem to realise it. _

_It slinked up to him and wrapped a gentle tendril around his ankle. He was suddenly suffused with an overwhelming feeling of love and security._

_**No need to fear, Harry…**__ A voice that was so similar to his father's whispered in his ears and Harry showed no reaction other than the almost imperceptible twitch of his arms._

_Voldemort grinned, his maw stretching as his lips curled. Harry felt his fear spike but it was quelled by the mysterious cloud that had somehow found its way to his heart._

_**No need to fear…**_

"_Harry, Harry, Harry…" Voldemort chortled. "You are such a needy boy. What is it you think I did?" _

_Harry did nothing other than raise his head defiantly._

_Voldemort chuckled. "It won't wear off, whatever I did to them. The poisoning of the mind is rather hard to cure." He raised his shoulders in a shrug. "But I'm sure you'll find a way. You and your traitor of a father."_

_The vile creature grinned once more and vanished. _

_Harry had the sensation of falling into a deep chasm, tumbling over himself like a leaf in a storm. Pain slowly returned to him, a low throbbing at first before becoming a loud pounding. He screamed and clutched at his head._

_**It's all right, Harry, I've got you… **_

_The falling sensation stopped as the grey cloud hovered gently below him._

_**I'll never let go.**_

Harry felt strong arms holding him as he jerked to consciousness. He trembled as he snuggled closer to the man holding him.

"Dad," he whimpered as sobs wracked his thin frame. The arms tightened around him.

"Hush, Harry," Severus murmured. "I'm here."

"What happened?" Harry whispered shakily.

"You had a mind-conversation," Severus explained after a brief hesitation. He decided it was better just to get straight to the point.

"A what?"

"You were talking to the Dark Lord with your mind. Do you remember when he possessed you?" Severus asked gently.

Harry shuddered. Of course he did.

"He has easy access into your mind due to a connection you both share. It was simple after he gained it to initiate a conversation."

"How do you know this?" Harry asked softly.

"I was with you, Harry," Severus said quietly, unsure if it was too personal a thing for him to do after the emotional traumas his son had suffered.

"Thank you," Harry whispered and dissolved into tears yet again. He had no idea how long he spent clutching onto Severus and using his robes for tissue. Ron and Hermione were the only true friends he ever had and now he had put them in danger of the man that wanted to murder him.

Ron was right. They should have never befriended him.

-----

His father had refused to allow him to return to Gryffindor Tower, insinuating that he was too fragile. Privately, Harry agreed with him but that didn't stop the indignation that flared within him at his words. He also discovered that only the sitting room of his quarters resembled that of Spinners' End while the other rooms were much simpler. Severus had disappeared after giving Harry a Calming Draught and ordering him to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. Harry wanted to argue that it was too early for anyone to sleep and that he had lessons but the words just wouldn't come. His father returned fifteen minutes later with his shrunken trunk and empty owl cage. Harry was too exhausted and emotionally drained to question it and apparated straight to dream land the moment his head touched the pillow.

Harry climbed blearily out of bed the next day and fumbled for his glasses. His eyes were slightly puffy from all the crying he had done the day before. A wave of mortification swept through him as the thought registered itself in his mind. What a baby his father must think of him now! The thought of his father erased the embarrassment and brought a smile to his face. He brushed his teeth and changed hastily before making his way out of his bedroom in Severus' quarters.

"Good morning, Harry," Severus greeted over the top of the newspaper as Harry sat down.

"Mornin'" Harry mumbled as he queasily eyed the porridge that appeared in front of him.

"How are you feeling?" Severus asked with concern when he caught Harry's expression.

"Not very hungry," Harry replied, keeping his gaze averted to the table. Severus put the newspaper down. Harry caught a flash of silver and looked up, startled.

"You're wearing a ring," Harry pointed out and Severus glanced at the object.

"Yes, I am," Severus said in vague amusement as he fingered the delicately carved metal band on his left ring finger. Harry noted the position of it.

"Is- is that your wedding ring?" Harry asked and then felt stupid for asking. It obviously was! Severus smirked.

"Yes, it is."

"You were wearing it yesterday," Harry said his voice stiff with mild accusation as realization hit him. "You knew that it was in the papers and you didn't warn me!"

"I did not know," Severus denied. "I found it the day before. I missed the feel of it and forgot to take it off."

Harry was surprised. Severus wasn't an accidental man. He was anything but accidental. It was the entire reason why he was still upright and breathing.

"Right," Harry mumbled, digging his spoon into his porridge and letting it drop with a soft splat back into the bowl again.

"Don't play with your food," Severus rebuked and Harry sighed as he dropped the spoon on the table. Harry glanced at the clock and froze. It was already ten.

"I'm late!" Harry exclaimed as he jumped out of his chair. Racing to his room, he threw on his school robes and grabbed his book bag. Severus watched him as he rushed out of his room.

"Don't you have classes to teach?" Harry asked him breathlessly.

"Yes, but the headmaster has agreed to take over my lessons today until your Potions class, which, if I recall correctly, is your third class for the day. It doesn't start in half an hour," Severus explained.

Harry dropped his book bag on the floor with a thud and his heart sank with it.

"It's okay," Harry said nervously. "I can get there on my own."

"What, too ashamed to be seen with your father?" Severus teased lightly as he studied Harry. Harry turned slightly red.

"N-no, sir," Harry stammered. "It's just…"

Severus sighed. "I know you don't want to go back to class, Harry, but life has to go on. I know you're worried about our reception. We haven't done anything wrong so we shouldn't have anything to fear." Severus leaned forwards. "Remember, Harry. I've got you. I will never let go."

Harry felt tears prick at his eyes and he rubbed them hastily away. Severus smiled.

"Now," he said. "Eat your breakfast. I don't need you falling into your cauldron because you lack the energy to hold yourself up."

**I hope you don't mind the length of this chapter. It is shorter than the previous one because I really wanted to get this out. Some (close to all, actually) reviewers have said that it is weird for Hermione to be so OOC and hate Harry so much just because Severus is Harry's father. After all, Hermione is supposed to be the most mature of the trio, right? **

**In most stories, Ron would be the one that's unreasonable while Hermione tries to talk Ron into being nice to Harry again. However, I don't want to follow that plot outline because it's so cliché. I don't like doing everything that almost everyone is doing and I'm the sort who would go all the way if I was going to do something. **

**Hermione might be OOC to the point of it being ludicrous but there's a reason behind it that has already been revealed slightly in this chapter. Just endure the ridiculous situation for awhile more and I promise you that you won't regret it (:**

**I would like to thank again everyone who has reviewed/ added to story alert/ faved/ added to author alert. You guys make my day!**


	20. 19

Harry decided that the hallways of Hogwarts had never looked so daunting as he strode nervously beside his father. Hogwarts was his real home although he was forced to return to Privet Drive year after year and call that place home. It was odd to feel so detached and apart from a place that was supposed to guarantee him safety and acceptance. It didn't even feel so cold and unfeeling back in Second Year when almost the entire population of the school thought he wanted the muggleborns dead. Back then, he had his friends to support him and back him up. Now? Now he had no one.

He didn't even understand what all the hype was about. Yes, his father was the hated Potions Master of Hogwarts and but he had been a spy in disguise as a Death Eater and risking his life in such a way had to give the man some merit. Sadly, no one knew about the spying business and as such, everyone still thought that Severus was a Death Eater. Harry felt that if someone had to have issues over the fact that Severus was his father then that would be Harry himself. He wasn't his father. For one, he wasn't even sure he could lie to Voldemort like that day after day without breaking somewhere along the way. He sighed as he hitched his bag higher up on his shoulder. Severus glanced at him, concern shining in his eyes.

_Don't be ungrateful, _Harry chided himself. _You do have someone._ He gave Severus a small smile and he could have sworn it was returned. They were walking amongst students, however, and despite the fact that he had fallen from the ranks of the Dark Lord's army of evil minions, Severus still had an image to maintain. Severus had never said it though but Harry understood sometime during the holidays when he got to spend some quality time with his father. After all, Potions wasn't exactly a walk in the park and if he wanted high safety standards as well as high Outstanding rates, he had to be strict. Harry knew that they could not be as familiar in public as they were in private. It was like he had two different personas, a Potions Master one and a Severus one. Harry was getting dizzy watching him change from persona to persona with complete ease. A small spark of anger towards the headmaster welled up within him but he quelled it. Harry knew he had an explosive temper and it wouldn't do for him to lose it with the headmaster, especially not when his father's safety depended so much on the old wizard.

"Harry!" called a familiar voice. Harry turned to find Seamus walking purposefully towards him. His friends, Neville and Dean lagged behind nervously.

"Morning, Professor," Seamus greeted politely and the Potions Master inclined his head slowly. Harry had to stifle a snort. Seamus was never very polite towards the Potions Master. But then again, the Potions Master was never polite towards anyone.

"Hey, Seamus," Harry said with an enthusiasm he didn't feel. "What's up?"

Seamus fidgeted with his tie as his gaze darted between Harry and his father. Finally, he released his rather crumpled tie and took a deep breath.

"It's uh, well, the other Gryffindors, they're um, not very happy with the fact that Professor Snape's your dad," Seamus said quickly, in an attempt to get it out fast and bolt out of the way of the identical glares he was getting from the Snapes.

It's none of their business, Harry wanted to snap but he kept his mouth shut. _Explosive temper, Harry, explosive temper…_

"But," he dropped his fast speech for a sincere tone. "Dean, Neville and I want you to know that we support you. We would, even if you did find out that your dad was You-Know-Who."

Harry smiled. A warm feeling suffused him, bathing him.

"Not that you are, sir," Seamus added hastily as he glanced nervously at the Potions Master who had raised a slender eyebrow in combination with his glare. Seamus thumped Harry on the back before heading off to join his friends. The warmth drained away and was replaced by a gaping hole that was seemingly endless as he watched Seamus walk off. Harry felt slightly undone.

"Told you there was nothing to worry about," Severus murmured as that only Harry could hear. Harry nodded since it was what his father probably wanted to see. He couldn't trust his emotions to behave themselves.

-----

The Potions Master banged into the dungeon classroom with his customary sneer in place. Harry followed hastily at his heel, feeling very much like a house elf following its master. He wanted to sit where he usually did which was somewhere in the middle of the classroom with Ron but he realised that his seat was not taken by Hermione. Neither of them looked up as they entered and Harry felt that endless gaping hole deepen, if it was even possible. Luckily (or was it unluckily?) Neville caught his eye at that moment and gestured at the empty seat next to him. Harry made his way towards Neville and set up his cauldron, muttering a quiet thanks as he did so.

A phrase suddenly emerged from beneath his jumbled thoughts. '_The poisoning of the mind is rather hard to cure.' _Harry thought. _It's like some play on words._

"Pay attention!" the Potions Master thundered and everyone jumped. For a few seconds, Harry thought that he was being reprimanded and his cheeks bloomed red in embarrassment, the first time in that dungeon. He realised, however, that it was meant for the rest of the class. Everyone was staring at him unflinchingly with wide eyes, some with hatred and some with sickening curiosity. It was as if he was some celebrity that made a mistake.

"Now," Professor Snape barked as if there were no interruptions. The recipe appeared on the blackboard. "You will be brewing the basic antidote base today. It is one of the simplest potions to brew, one that you should have mastered as a First Year. As such, it will not be pair work. To any dunderhead that cannot brew this potion up to standard, the door is over there. You will be using this to brew a Neutral Antidote tomorrow, one that should work on most poisons. What are you waiting for? Get to work!"

There was a flurry of activity as the students began brewing. Harry offered to start up both their cauldrons as Neville was looking rather green at the prospect of brewing a potion alone. For the next quarter of an hour, the dungeon was quiet save for the soft bubbling of boiling liquid and the swishing of the infamous Potions professor's cloak. Harry stirred his potion slowly as instructed and brought it down to a simmer. He glanced at the instructions on the board and reached for the bezeor.

Suddenly, a memory from his First Year resurfaced.

"_A bezeor is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and will save you from most poisons," Snape was in full lecture mode as Harry stared at him slack-jawed and wide-eyed._

A bezeor! His hand closed around the small stone as he felt a sense of hope overwhelm him. Could the solution really be that simple? Could a bezeor, a simple stone taken from the stomach of a goat, solve all his problems? Could-

"Harry!" Neville whispered urgently as he nudged him hard in the ribs. "Your potion!"

Harry jumped and quickly brought the fire to a boil again. It would take another two minutes before he could put the bezeor in again. Harry sighed as he rubbed his scar absently. He was going to be the last one to finish his potion.

_I wonder how dad would take to said dunderhead being his son, _Harry thought cryptically as he brought the potion to a simmer and dropped the bezeor in. The rest of the class was already bottling and labelling their perfectly coloured potions. They were already packing up when Harry stifled a cringe as his father's dark form loomed above him.

"Mr. Snape," he said softly, his voice carrying some emotion that Harry couldn't decipher. He was sure it was one of pure delight though. The room was so silent that he could be heard throughout the entire room. "Done yet?"

Harry gulped. "Almost, sir," Harry replied as he hastily ladled the pink liquid into a vial and scrawled his name almost illegibly on his label. Before he could pick it off the table, it was snatched out of his fingers. Harry started. From across the room he could see Malfoy snigger. Harry clenched and released his fists before cleaning out his cauldron. Neville, Seamus and Dean were hovering uncertainly around him.

"We have DADA next, right?" Harry asked. "You guys head off first. I'll catch up." The trio nodded and made their way out of the classroom. He packed his cauldron and ingredients into his kit and made his way to the door.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked from his table before Harry could leave.

"Yeah," Harry replied automatically. He wanted to ask his father about the bezeor but he figured it wasn't the right time. After all, he was almost late for his next class. It wouldn't do for Professor Lupin to have a bad impression of him as a student. He had taken a liking to the man after spending some time with him in the summer while Severus brewed in the lab.

"Do you want to tell me something, Harry?"

"Uh, later, sir. It's a long story," Harry said and ran all the way to the DADA classroom which was, unfortunately, four levels and two different staircases away.

-----

Thankfully, Harry was only five minutes late. All the running away from danger had made him a rather fast runner and coupled with his small build and light weight, he was one of the faster boys in his year. He was about to knock on the door when it opened and Harry took an instinctive step back as Professor Lupin stepped out.

"Sorry, Professor," Harry muttered. "Got held back at Potions."

"It's alright," Professor Lupin reassured him. "Your classmates told me. Come on, get in line."

Harry made his way to the back of the queue and gave Neville a quizzical look. When Neville shrugged, he looked at Seamus and Dean but he got the same response. Sighing, he followed, wondering how he managed to get himself late and clueless on the first few lessons of the school term. It was not an auspicious start.

They made their way down the corridor, meeting no mishap other than a chance encounter with Peeves. Fortunately, the Bloody Baron chose that moment to appear, thus thwarting any of Peeves mischief. Professor Lupin led them into an abandoned classroom that they had never been in before or they might have but forgotten. Taking his place at the front of the class and next to a cupboard that looked extremely out of place, he gestured for everyone to spread out.

"Can everyone see me?" he asked as he shifted tables with a flick of his wand. "Come on, move forward a bit more."

Pansy Parkinson squealed suddenly, a high-pitched and rather irritating noise.

"There's something in the cupboard!" she screamed and pretended to lose her balance, landing right on top of Malfoy. Malfoy smirked and shoved her aside roughly. Harry rolled his eyes.

Professor Lupin shot her an amused look as he tapped the cupboard with his wand. "Yes, this, ladies and gentleman, is a cupboard. Unless it is cursed, which I assure you, it isn't, it will do you no harm," he said as the cupboard shuddered violently. The class took a step back. "Now, it might or might not harm you depending on the situation you are in. What we have here is a Boggart. It's a shape-shifter that likes dark and damp places. Therefore, it is commonly found in abandoned cupboards and discarded trunks. Any questions?"

"How do we know how to defend ourselves against one if we don't even know what it looks like?" Malfoy drawled rudely as he lolled against a table.

"Good question," Professor Lupin said lightly as he ignored Malfoy's insolence. "A Boggart takes on the shape of what we fear most. As such, no one has actually seen a Boggart in its original form because even the greatest wizards are fearful of something." He smiled. "Now, the Boggart Banishing Spell is a rather simple one. All you have to do is visualize the thing you fear most in a form most amusing to you. The incantation is _riddikulus_. Remember, a Boggart is always undone by laughter." His voice took on a more serious edge. "If you are caught in a life-threatening situation, casting the charm itself will not save you. You need to laugh. It's the laughter that does it in."

The class laughed nervously at this solemn proclamation. He broke them up into groups and made them practice the incantation while one group practiced with the Boggart. The room rang with laughter and Harry was sure this room hadn't heard laughter in a very long time. The dust was so thick in the corners that even Harry who had lived most of his life in a cupboard was faintly repulsed.

Finally, Harry's group got their turn. They made their way excitedly to the front of the class. Harry was somehow delegated to the end of the line but he didn't mind. He was the only one that wasn't excited. He didn't want to display his fears to the entire class. Not when he didn't know what it or they were to begin with. After the first few minutes, Harry had learnt not to tempt Seamus with banshees, to make sure Neville didn't get within a five metre radius of his father, to get any snake he saw far away from Parvati and to make sure Dean was far, far away from the Giant Squid.

Harry thought his heart would freeze as his name was called. The laughter had died away slowly as the class realised who was up against the Boggart next. Professor Lupin glanced at him with concern in his eyes before nudging Harry forward gently. He then positioned himself suspiciously near Harry.

The ink-covered Giant Squid turned slowly to face him. It morphed into a humanoid shape but before anyone could discern what it was, it flashed into another shape and then another, changing simultaneously. It was changing with such speed that even Harry, the seeker who could spot a snitch from the other side of the pitch could figure out what it was. It flashed with a myriad of colours, blinking in and out of existence before another one came. Harry felt his heart pumping hard and fast as fear and confusion crept up at him.

Suddenly, there was a loud pop and a blob of an unknown material that was the consistency of goo appeared. It was midnight black, moving and pulsing with a faint and repulsive light. It rotated slowly on the spot and before he knew it, Harry was staring at a pair of familiar green eyes. Green eyes that stared back at him every morning as he looked in the mirror. Green eyes that were now staring at him with evil intent. It darkened imperceptibly and the pupils enlarged. Harry felt that he was falling into it. Falling… falling… Merlin, he hated falling.

Professor Lupin raised his wand to banish the foul creature but before he could say anything, it vanished, leaving behind a trail of grey, curling smoke that smelt acrid and rotten.

The silence was the consistency of treacle as Harry stumbled backwards and overturned a table. It clattered to the ground with a resounding crash that was amplified a hundred times.

"Class dismissed," Professor Lupin said and immediately, everyone was rushing for the door. "Harry, stay behind!"

But Harry didn't hear him. He was already out the door and running like Voldemort was on his heels.

-----

_Don't they have anything better to talk about? _Harry groused as he hunched his shoulders and slinked round the corner. If he wasn't constantly sought out in a crowd, he would have become as good as his father in the art of hiding and being inconspicuous. The DADA lesson with the Third Years or, as the rest of the school now dubbed it, the Boggart lesson had been the talk of the school for the past one week and Harry was fairly sick of it. Dark eye bags ringed his eyes and he was paler than a healthy child would be. Severus had insisted that he be transferred to his quarters after hearing news of the disastrous DADA lesson. Harry definitely had issues to sort out and Severus was determined to find out exactly what that foul creature the Boggart turned into was.

Harry hadn't complained, in fact, he hadn't been talking much at all. He had been having nightmares, terrifying recurring nightmares of the misshapen creature with the eerie black light that taunted him with its green eyes. His green eyes. Harry shuddered as he rounded the corner. A group of First Years screamed and scurried in the opposite direction. Harry tugged at his collar self-consciously as if trying to make a hood materialise so that he could hide under it.

_If Black doesn't get me, this will, _he thought as he slipped into the Great Hall. It was emptying fast for Harry had made sure he dined when the hall was at its most empty. Severus had tried to get him to eat with him but Harry flat out refused and bolted before Severus could force him to. He didn't have much appetite and didn't eat much, usually a bite or two of this or that before a sip of pumpkin juice. All the food tasted like ash.

"Hey, Harry!" a voice called and Harry looked up warily. Seamus walked over and slid into the bench in front of him. "Where've you been? I've been trying to talk to you and you disappear before I can even say hello."

"Sorry," Harry said, voice hoarse from disuse.

"Anyway, I wanted to show you this." He brandished a newspaper cutting before sliding it in front of Harry. "Rita Skeeter's dead. She's the reporter that wrote the article about you and Snape."

Harry wasn't listening much. He was staring at the twisted Dark Mark that loomed above her house. The photograph was complete with garish green light that illuminated and contrasted the red roof of her cottage.

"Can I keep this?" Harry asked quietly and Seamus nodded. Harry pocketed it and stood up. Seamus eyed him critically.

"Are you –"

"I've got Quidditch," Harry interrupted as he picked up his bag. "Thank you for the news. See you around."

Seamus was left watching Harry's dwindling back.

-----

Harry made his way to the changing rooms and changed quickly for he was already late. Leaving his bag in his locker, he ran all the way to the pitch with his trusty Nimbus 2000 in hand. The team, with the exception of the twins, glared at him disapprovingly but said nothing as Oliver opened the practice with his customary beginning of year speech. They then broke up for practice.

Harry zoomed around, feeling light and carefree as he always did on a broom as he searched for the snitch. Up in the air, he felt as if all his cares and worries had been left on the ground and were as inconsequential as a grain of sand on the pitch.

"Oi, freak!" Katie shouted and Harry froze. "The snitch's behind you!" Images of a tight and enclosed cupboard followed by the feeling of a thousand crawling spiders flashed behind his eyes and he almost fell off his broom with the force of it all.

"Oi, Katie," shouted Fred but Harry wasn't really listening as he tried to steady his erratic breathing. It was getting harder and harder to draw breath. "Shut up! Or we'll shut you up with our good friend 'ere. His name's Bludger and he'll be glad to make your acquaintance."

Harry felt a whoosh of wind next to him and his broom shock slightly but he did nothing to steady it.

"Hey, you alright, Harry?" George asked as he laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. Almost immediately, Harry's broom ricocheted off. He pulled a steep hairpin dive and landed deftly on the ground. Without a backward glance, he ditched his broom and ran and ran and ran.

Harry didn't know how long he ran as he raced through the sinuous corridors. He had no aim in mind, no idea where he was either but he didn't really care. He just wanted to run and not turn back. He skidded to a halt outside a room and without thinking, ran in and slammed the door.

He stopped in the middle of the room and rested his hands on his knees in an attempt to still his panting. After a few minutes of harsh breathing, he felt okay enough to look up and survey the room he was in. It was the same room where he had his first DADA lesson which was also the place where the trouble really started. Groaning, he slid to the floor and held his head in his hands.

A week of emotions crashed hard over him and he felt himself buckling under the pressure. He wanted to run and keep running until the ends of the world where he could throw himself into whatever was there. He gripped his hair and screamed as tears streamed hot down his face. No matter how much he screamed, no matter how much he pulled, no matter how much he cried, it was nothing to assuage the bitter hurt and resentment he felt within him. It was like a blood pumping out of a second heart, flowing through his veins sluggishly. He didn't know how long he was crying and had screamed himself hoarse.

"Am I really a Gryffindor?" he screamed. He wanted to run but he hated it. He hated being such a coward. "I'm such a coward," he whispered.

"No," came a velvety smooth voice that Harry would recognise anywhere. "You're not."

Severus stepped out of the shadows then.

"H-how long have you been here?" Harry choked out.

"Long enough," Severus replied. "You and I need to talk."

"Not now," Harry whispered, broken. "Please."

"Not now," Severus promised gently as he gathered his son in his arms imparting as much comfort as he could. With that, he rocked his broken son and prayed to all the entities above for the strength to help his son through this.

He needed lots of it.


	21. 20

Severus led Harry gently out the abandoned classroom, through the corridor and towards the Quidditch pitch. Severus had asked Harry where his things were and they were going to get his belongings from the changing room and his prized broom from off the ground. Harry was horrified to realize that in his distress, he had left his broom languishing in the dirt. Despite this, he kept a sedate pace beside his father, a clear indication that something else was taking place. As such, Severus decided to open the 'talk' there and then. It took place.

In eight words.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Severus asked as they rounded the corner. The waning sunlight cast a brilliant golden glow on the grounds and almost blinded them both as they emerged from the darkness of the underground passages. Harry was silent as he considered the offer. They turned another corner.

Suddenly, Harry stopped short, eyes wide, jaw slack and breathless as he stared into the distance. Severus, who had been watching Harry's reaction glanced up and felt his heart squeeze. The Quidditch pitch huge and thus was a formidable sight, even from a far distance. What caught their attention, however, was a small, oddly long fire that was burning rapidly. Harry raced forward and pulling out his wand, put out the fire. All that was left of one of the fastest brooms on the market was now a pile of wet and smouldering ash. This was also all that was left of Harry's hard-earned and tenuous control over his emotions.

"No!" Harry cried in anguish and before Severus knew it, Harry was dashing away from him again.

"Harry!" Severus called as he started to run after him.

The ashes floated away in the wind, carrying Harry's heart along with it.

-----

Harry ran straight to his room and locked himself in.

Severus tried everything to coax him out so they could talk. After all, it wasn't good for him to keep it all bottled up inside. He asked nicely and when that didn't work, he threatened to blast the door right open. Remus then dropped by after watching the scene unfold from his office window.

"It was a group of Hufflepuffs. I yelled at them from my office window and they ran for it. Didn't see who it was though," he said as he stepped through the door. "What in the name of all things magical are you doing, Severus?"

"I'm trying to get my son out of his room. It's locked," Severus replied through gritted teeth. He looked annoyed but beneath that, Remus could see Severus struggling not to have a panic attack.

"Try an _alohamora_," Remus suggested quietly as he sat down on the couch.

Severus stared at him. Of course! How did he survive spying for the Order for so many years if he couldn't even think up of such a simple spell at a time like this? He braced himself for a violent reaction to his uninvited entry into Harry's privacy but that never came.

Instead, the room was eerily silent save for the almost constant scratching of a quill and the frantic swish of pages. Harry was hunched over his desk, scribbling so furiously that Severus thought the parchment might tear. His left hand flipped a page of a textbook, a Potions textbook, so violently that the book was actually torn.

"Harry?" Severus called softly and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry had no reaction save for a slight nod to acknowledge his father's presence. "What are you doing?"

"Studying," Harry said in a strained whisper.

"Studying," Severus repeated, completely bewildered. "Now?"

Harry nodded as if it was the most natural thing in the world. At the rate they were going, Severus was going to have premature heart failure.

"Harry, stop," Severus commanded gently as he prised the quill away from Harry's too tight grip. "Stop."

Harry's hand relaxed and fell onto the table with a dull thud. He looked up at Severus with glassy eyes that were politely curious.

"Why?" Severus asked, referring to the fact that Harry was frantically studying in a moment of great emotional distress. Harry stood up, looking suddenly annoyed.

"I'm a student. Student's study."

"Harry," Severus sighed as he closed the torn Potions text and stacked the book and parchment neatly on the table.

"I know it's hard," Severus began.

"It is," Harry interrupted tonelessly.

"I'm here to help you," Severus offered.

"I don't need help," Harry denied flatly. "I'm fine, dad, really. It's only a broom. I'm not that interested in Quidditch anymore."

"No," Severus said, cupping Harry's cheek with a hand. "You are interested."

Harry's lip trembled and he looked away. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Why not?"

"I'm resigning. I can't play with a team that hates me," Harry spat bitterly.

Severus sighed but said nothing to dissuade Harry of that notion. In fact, Severus privately agreed. It would keep Harry safer. At least, until the traitorous Black was caught and Kissed for good.

"Besides, I'm used to the scrutiny. I'm the Boy-Who-Lived, aren't I? Good scrutiny, bad scrutiny, who cares? It's all the same anyway," Harry continued miserably.

"No, it's not the same," Severus consoled. "Not when you're this affected. I'm here, Harry. Let me help you."

Harry sighed and shrugged diffidently. "Thanks, dad," he whispered. With that, he slid fully clothed into bed and promptly fell asleep. Severus spelled the lights off and with a last glance at his son, shut the door.

-----

Severus cursed the idiot Hufflepuffs who set his son's broom alight and lost count of how many times he did that that month as he billowed ferociously down the path to Hogsmeade. He actually thought that the perpetrators would have been from his own house and he was prepared to go to the Slytherin Common Room and ask when Remus told him who the actual culprits were. He didn't know Hufflepuffs had it in them to be so vindictive. But then again, he had been judging them all on the one of the more important Hufflepuffs of the century – Cornelius Fudge.

Said idiot Hufflepuffs were now serving detention with the Potions Master every night, every single night, scrubbing cauldrons and preparing disgusting potions ingredients. The news of their punishment and what they did to incur the Potions Master's wrath spread like wildfire across the school the next day and by breakfast, every student decided to leave one Harry Snape and his father alone. Harry was fine with that. It seemed that he was fine with anything.

It had been a month, a long hard month where Severus only saw his son during class, meals and brewing sessions they had together in Severus' private lab. Harry had gone to a rather surprised Severus asking for Potions tutoring. Severus was pleased, of course. His son's Potions grades weren't exactly stellar and it wouldn't do for the son of a renowned Potions Master to do badly for Potions. Severus hated the fact that he couldn't bring Harry back from the faraway place he ensconced himself. He rarely talk and he looked like he rarely had restful sleep either, working on autopilot and going about his day-to-day activities like a muggle robot.

Gone was the passionate Gryffindor seeker who dove valiantly and courageously into danger. Gone was the lively and bright teen that laughed and acted just like a teen ought to act. Instead, Severus saw a boy forced to grow up too fast by the cruelty the world bestowed upon him. The spark of life in his eyes were missing, making the once brilliant green eyes look a dull green. Severus had only seen it once in Lily's eyes and that was the day she caught a glimpse of her behind the door as she brought baby Harry for their weekly visits. Severus heart had ached then but seeing it in his son's eyes, their son's eyes, day in day out, was pure torture. He wished he could give them life again but he couldn't.

He had tried everything in his power to make Harry happy. He had offered to bring Harry to Diagon Alley to buy a new broom but he had declined, citing too much homework. For one, Severus knew that Harry had finished all his homework and was doing some unnecessary studying. He had memorised almost the entire textbook and learnt the applications for everything as well. In fact, he had steadily risen up the class positions to top the entire level at the next term test, beating even Hermione who, rather unreasonably, berated him loudly with fiery passion in the middle of the corridor once. Severus had thought that Harry would fight back but he didn't. Much to his surprise and chagrin, he walked right pass, too engrossed in the potions manual he borrowed from Severus' bookshelf to bother.

Severus made his way towards the Post Office to collect a rather important piece of post. He had it all planned out. He was planning to make Harry Harry again. Even if it killed him.

---

Christmas was fast approaching.

Harry sighed as he stretched out his cramped muscles. It was snowing outside, snowflakes swirling nicely and falling gently. Harry rubbed his tired eyes and redirected his attention to the potion he had before him. He had thought and researched long and hard about how to cure his friends from Voldemort's mind-poisoning.

He searched the entire library over and armed with his Invisibility Cloak and his wand light, he found the book nestled deep within the shelves of the Restricted Section. He had become proficient in writing fast due to the practice he had put in beforehand. He had copied the entire textbook out just to practice it and the not so unpleasant side effect of it was that it was actually easier for him to remember things for his lessons. He had copied it quickly on the spot, just in case his father found the book and shoved the parchment into his pocket.

It was a simple antidote and Harry almost laughed at Voldemort's stupidity. That was, until he saw the actual recipe. There was only one step: drop a bezeor into the poison. The poison was really known as the Mind Poison and Harry felt that it was possibly one of the most unoriginal sounding names he had ever heard out of all the potent mind control potions he had researched. Unfortunately, it was the hardest potion to make, requiring many ingredients, perfect timing and even the correct weather. Harry knew that despite the extra lessons he had been taking with his father, he just didn't have the skill required to brew such a complicated potion.

As such, he had no choice but to seek his father out. With a groan, Harry cleared his desk and took whatever he needed.

-----

"Dad?" Harry called as he stepped into the sitting room in his father's quarters.

"Over here, Harry," Severus called from his lab. Harry made his way anxiously towards the lab.

"Can I show you something?" Harry asked as he peered into the lab. Severus was ladling a ladleful of steaming potion into a goblet.

"Hold on, I'm almost finished," Severus said and covered the goblet with a lid. "Okay," he pulled up two chairs, sat on one and motioned for Harry to sit on the other. "What do you want to show me?"

Harry fiddled nervously with the pile of papers in his hand.

"It's about Ron and Hermione," Harry started. Severus frowned but let him continue.

"See, Voldemort said something about mind-poisoning the last time, _the poisoning of the mind is rather hard to cure. _I went to the library and… promise me you won't get mad?" Harry said diffidently.

"It depends, but I promise," Severus said.

"I went to the Restricted Section," Harry peered up through his bangs to gauge his father's reaction. When nothing but a raised eyebrow was forthcoming, he continued, "and I found this." He placed the stack of papers on the table. "It's a potion, Mind Poison. Voldemort's description of it was a bit sketchy but I've been watching Ron and Hermione the past few weeks and I think this is it. Everything matches, extreme behaviour that differs greatly from usual, violent tendencies, ease of anger. Didn't Ron just beat up a Ravenclaw the other day just for looking at him funny?"

"This is well researched," Severus commented as he read through the papers Harry compiled. "Well done. Is this what you've been doing for the past month?"

Harry smiled self-consciously at the praise and Severus felt his heart lighten. It had been too long since he last saw that smile. "Yeah," Harry said.

"I thought you were avoiding everyone on purpose," Severus mentioned. Harry looked bewildered.

"What?" he questioned. It was Severus turn to look flummoxed.

"You were avoiding everyone, even me while you were completely lost in your research. If you're been focussing solely on your research, how on earth did you manage to score straight Outstandings for all your tests?" Severus asked.

"I did?" Harry said, sounding very surprised. Severus blinked.

"Are you alright, Harry?" he queried, feeling like he had asked that question too many times recently.

"Yeah," Harry replied slowly. "I'm great. Y-you mean, I was being a complete anti-social berk this whole time?"

"I wouldn't use those exact words but that sums it up, yes," Severus said.

"Oh."

There was awkward silence.

"Well," Severus said. "We've got a potion to brew."

**Unbeta'd. **


	22. 21

Severus was furiously scribbling calculations on a piece of parchment as Harry looked on anxiously. Harry was picking his nails bloody again when Severus looked up suddenly, brows creased into a frown. The quill fell to the table as Severus relaxed his protesting fingers.

"It'll take three weeks to brew," Severus declared with a sigh.

"But Christmas break's in three weeks!" Harry groaned and slumped dejectedly into his chair. He scratched at the cuticle of his right thumb in agitation.

"It has to be in line with the full moon," Severus said absently and seemed to be talking more to himself than Harry. With a wave of his wand, he sent the calculations soaring to pin itself on a notice board. Pulling out a cauldron the size of a small cup, he lit a fire and started boiling some water. Harry stared at the cauldron. He had never seen one so small in his life.

"Uh, dad," Harry said. Severus threw in a pinch of silvery powder and peered into the cauldron before looking up at Harry. "How're we going to slip it to them?"

"With all that planning you were doing, I thought you would have figured that out," he drawled although there was a slight lilt in his voice that betrayed his seriousness. His father was in full Potions Master mode. "We will engage Quincy's help. He can detect magical signatures but he needs items that they have touched before."

"Okay," Harry said, not looking forward to the task of picking out items that would remind him of the fact that his friends were once that, his best friends. Harry felt a sharp pain at his thumb and hissed as he pulled back a flap of skin. Blood dripped down the digit and fell onto the table. Severus looked up from his work as he dropped a vial of shimmery green liquid into the cauldron.

"Harry!" he cried, putting the empty vial on the table and putting the potion under a stasis. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," Harry said evasively and then sucked on his wound. "It'll be fine." _It always is._

Severus heard the unheard words and his eyes narrowed. "Come here," he ordered. Harry walked over to his father's side of the worktable as slowly as he could.

"Hands out."

Harry hesitantly placed his hands on the table. Not only was there blood flowing freely from the newly picked wound, there were also many scabs on his other fingers.

"What's this?" Severus demanded through tightly clenched teeth.

"It's nothing," Harry insisted as he tried to snatch his hands back. Unfortunately, Severus had his hand pinned onto the table.

"It's not nothing!" Severus snapped. He walked towards the shelf and pulled a bottle of Murtlap Essence from his potions store as well as a large bowl. Diluting it with a half cupful of water, he motioned for Harry to put his hands in. Harry did as he was told and the soothing cool liquid did wonders to his aching hands. He wondered why he didn't feel them earlier.

"Better?" Severus asked. Harry nodded sheepishly. "Stop picking at your fingers," Severus said sternly. "It's a bad habit."

"Yes, sir," Harry replied remorsefully and dug his hands deeper into the liquid. Severus nodded once before removing the potion from its stasis.

Half an hour later, Severus put the potion in a stasis again and instructed Harry to remove his hands from the healing liquid and wash it off at the lab sink. Harry did so reluctantly, the liquid was so comfortable, but was happy to realize that it left a tingly feeling that was like an echo of that comfort.

"Now, we'll leave this here until the full moon. I'll come and add the necessary ingredients every day," Severus said as he led Harry out of the lab. "Meanwhile, I need you to get some items so that Quincy can detect their magical signatures."

Harry sighed as he nodded. He really wasn't looking forward to this. His other fingers were inching towards his thumb again, rather like gangsters cornering their innocent victim. Severus seemed to realize this for he grabbed Harry's hands in his.

"Don't," he said sternly yet there was worry in his eyes. "Don't hurt yourself on purpose. You get hurt enough already." He released Harry's hands. "You don't have to do it today. It will do as long as you get it by Christmas."

He turned and continued walking while Harry kept his pace by his side uncertainly. They walked in silence to the Great Hall. At the door, Harry stopped.

"Thanks, dad," Harry whispered, giving Severus a small smile. A sudden hush swept through the Great Hall as all eyes turned to the too stationary figures at the door. Severus glanced up and smirked.

"You're welcome, son."

He ruffled Harry's mop of already very messy hair and Harry batted his hand away playfully, the smile stretching into a grin. There was a collective intake of breath before Harry turned and walked towards the Gryffindor table. He swung his legs over the bench and served himself a hearty meal as everyone stared at him open-mouthed.

"So," Harry began as he cut up a piece of chicken. "How's life been?"

Seamus, Neville and Dean burst into laughter.

-----

Before he knew it, it was Christmas break.

Snow covered everything outside and the cold came in and nipped anyone who was stupid enough not to wear thick clothing. Gorgeous trees stood sentinel in the Great Hall, big arborescent figures twinkling with lights and baubles. Atop each magnificent tree was a golden star that turned silver intermittently. Meanwhile, the castle was in a festive mood as students carried indignant pets down the corridors and made their way towards the awaiting carriages.

Harry watched from a window, having said his goodbyes to Seamus, Neville and Dean in the morning. For once in his life, he wasn't feeling the twinge of longing as he watched his friends go home to a family with hot cocoa by the fire as their parents and relatives told stories. He was happy to be where he was. It was going to be a Christmas like none other seeing that he was home.

"Harry?" came a voice and Harry was startled from his contemplations.

"Professor Lupin!" Harry said in surprise. "I thought you were escorting the students today."

"It's Remus outside of school, Harry," Professor Lupin said as he leaned against the wall, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "I came back early."

Harry smiled.

"I just wanted to give you your Christmas present," Remus said as he removed a squarish package from his robes. "I won't be around during Christmas."

"Thank you," Harry said as he accepted the gift. "Going on holiday, sir?"

Remus smiled although he seemed to be sadly amused.

"No, I'm going home," he said as he crossed his arms. "How are you going to spend your holiday?"

Harry almost laughed as his happiness threatened to overwhelm him.

"I'm spending it, right here," he grinned as he hugged the present to himself. "Right where I belong."

Remus smiled wistfully. He knew what it felt like to belong.

"Good," was all he said as he pulled Harry into a hug. Harry was rather stunned and said nothing. "You'll have a great Christmas. Both of you."

With that, he disappeared down the corridor from which he came before Harry could say a word.

-----

Harry's good mood lasted through the day. The next day, it was intensified.

"Slow down!" Severus called as Harry bounded down the corridor.

"Hurry up, dad!" Harry replied, excitement shining through his voice. Severus was taking him to Hogsmeade because Harry didn't and wouldn't have the opportunity to go the entire year due to Black being on the loose. "I want to go to Zonkos!"

Severus hid a laugh as he hurried after his son. His son was more like him than he thought. Although he didn't have a reputation for being a prankster during school, he did manage to pull a couple of well-planned pranks on unsuspecting victims. Being the Slytherin that he was, however, he was much better than either James or Sirius when it came to covering his tracks. In fact, he always took the extra precaution of ensuring that he had an 'alibi' whenever hilarious incidents befell his schoolmates – Lily.

Lily never approved of all the prank playing nonsense, especially when her best friend turned boyfriend was the one playing the pranks. She only assented to being his alibi for one reason. Severus never played pranks on people who didn't deserve it. He took pride in the fact that he was the only one that managed to humiliate Lucius Malfoy and lived to tell the tale.

"Dad!" Harry impatiently shouted down the corridor. "Hurry up!"

Severus didn't realise that he had stopped. In fact... He glanced at his surroundings. Wasn't this the exact spot where he turned Lucius' hair red and gold? Severus tried to stop the grin that appeared on his face. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. Since a prank from Severus was such a rare occasion, James and Sirius usually celebrated it with Butterbeer nicked from the teacher's store down in the kitchens. That day, however, he had the honour of celebrating with his dear Lily. He was quite sure he would never forget that day in the hidden alcove behind the statue of Godred the Blind.

"DAD!" Harry yelled in his ear and Severus almost jumped.

"What was that for?" Severus snapped. He suddenly missed Lily more than he could describe and Severus had a rather extensive vocabulary when he wished to put it to use.

"Sorry," Harry apologized although he didn't sound apologetic at all. "You kind of zoned out."

"I did not and do not 'zone out'," Severus said stiffly and Harry snickered. "Now move it, you impudent brat. I want to get back before sundown."

Harry smirked and led the way.

Hogsmeade was a rather sleepy wizarding village during the school term with the exception of visits from Hogwarts students. Then, it was as lively as Diagon Alley. About five years worth of students would crowd the cobbled streets and swarm the joke shop and pub as they revelled in being away from school.

For Harry, however, it was his first time.

He had never seen another wizarding establishment aside from Diagon Alley and a brief trip into Knockturn Alley in his second year which he was pleased to forget and leave behind. Harry was so engrossed in his surroundings that he didn't realise the whispers that were following him and his father as they walked down the street. Severus noticed, however. He hadn't spied for so many years for naught. Taking a step closer to his son, he slung an arm around his shoulder. Harry looked up in surprise. To anyone looking, it would have been a rather fatherly gesture but Harry knew that it was more protectiveness than anything else. In fact, he could see his father's hand inch towards his wand and he felt a surge of contentment. Snuggling closer to the warmth his father's dark form had to offer, he began pointing out everything that interested him, sounding entirely like a five-year-old boy at the toy shop.

Severus smiled as he listened to his son's rambling. If it was someone else, he would have dismissed it as verbiage. With Harry, however, it was a different story. He hadn't seen Harry smile so broadly in a very long time. With a twang of guilt, he realised that this would probably go under the boy's classification of the best days of his life. It was then that Severus promised that he would create more happy days for his son. For them both.

"Can we go to Zonkos?" Harry asked suddenly as they passed a rather garishly decorated shop. It was covered entirely in green and red tinsel. Severus suppressed a cringe as he beheld the awful decorations. He hadn't been in the shop for years. Zonko's must have changed hands to the next generation by now and Severus didn't exactly have high hopes that their products would be of the same quality. He had confiscated many a product throughout the years and they weren't off the same quality as the ones he used to play around with.

Severus was about to say no when he caught sight of Harry's expectant expression and he knew he couldn't. He couldn't deny his son something that he himself had enjoyed as a teen.

"Sure," Severus said as he led the way. "I wonder if they still have the same products."

"You used to buy stuff from Zonkos?" Harry asked in surprise. "You?"

"Don't look so surprised," Severus smirked. "And close your mouth, you look like a goldfish." Harry abruptly shut his mouth.

"One my best friends was James Potter, Harry," Severus explained. "You can't expect me to be his friend and not have stepped into Zonkos."

"Oh yeah," Harry nodded sheepishly. "You know, it's really weird to think of you and James as best friends," Harry commented as he pushed open the door. Severus' reply was lost on him as Harry gazed, wide-eyed at the assortment of joke products. Despite the fact that he shared the same common room with Fred and George Weasley, he had never, ever seen so many joke products in his life. Harry rushed over to the nearest shelf and picked up a joke book that had ideas for every one of the joke products they sold. He spent the better part of the day just laughing and fawning over the products as an amused Severus watched over his shoulder.

"Wow," Harry breathed as he spotted a display of fake top of the range brooms that could be enlarged or shrunk. They couldn't fly, of course, but they could be used as gift pranks and the such. Harry stuck his hand into the bucket of assorted brooms and pulled out a miniature of a rather familiar broom. His happiness seemed to drain out of him suddenly as he remembered the smouldering pile of ashes. Severus seemed to realise for he came over and plucked the broom out of his hands before dropping it back into bucket. The brooms magically mixed themselves again and the Nimbus 2000 disappeared from sight. Harry felt just the same way; he would never see his beloved broom again, let alone fly. He had thought of it as his first present from the wizarding world and when it was snatched away from him so ruthlessly, he hadn't had the emotions left in him to cry.

Now, however, tears pricked his eyes and he swiped them away impatiently. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't! It was just a broom after all, a silly broom. He wouldn't even be playing Quidditch again anyway. He heard that Oliver Wood had gotten a permanent replacement Seeker after he had run off that day. He felt gentle hands steer him out of the store and into the cooling air of outside. Wordlessly, Severus led his son into The Three Broomsticks and ordered two bottles of Butterbeer. Harry slumped into his chair dejectedly.

The beverages arrived and Harry took a large gulp before sitting up in surprise. He had never tried Butterbeer before.

"Good?" Severus asked.

"Yeah," Harry replied before taking another gulp.

"Good," Severus said. "Don't think I approve of using alcohol to solve your problems though," Severus warned. Harry ducked his head meekly. Severus stern demeanour morphed into one of understanding.

"I know you love to fly, Harry," Severus said quietly. "You still want to play Quidditch, don't you?"

"No, I don't," Harry denied vehemently, as if the very act of denying it would mean it was true.

"Yes, you do, Harry. Don't deny it."

"I-" Harry faltered. "I don't!"

"Harry..."

"Okay, okay, so what if I do?" Harry growled as tears threatened to overwhelm him again. "I don't have a broom!"

"You can always get a new broom, Harry," Severus said, his voice tinged with amusement. Harry looked stunned for a moment.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Harry muttered to himself as he hit himself over the head. Severus grabbed his hand and placed it hard on the table.

"What did I tell you about hurting yourself?" he asked exasperatedly. "You were distraught. It is understandable that you didn't think about replacing your broom. Besides, you have flown your Nimbus for every match you have ever played. It's bound to mean something to you."

"Yeah," Harry agreed, feeling his happiness return all of a sudden. "Can we go to the Quidditch Supply Shop?"

Severus suddenly looked uncomfortable and he took a swig of Butterbeer. He glanced at the clock.

"Not today," he said. "I've got to add some ingredients to the potion soon."

"Oh," Harry said somewhat dejectedly. He perked up after awhile, however. His friends were more important. "Sure, let's go!"

Severus smiled and led the way. He had almost given himself away. As the duo made their way to the castle in companionable silence, he wondered what happened to his Slytherin cunning and spying abilities.

**A/N: I'm trying to time our favourite father and son's Christmas celebrations just in time for Christmas which explains the rather abrupt ending here. **

**Unbeta'ed.**


	23. 22

**AN/22nd December 2009: The parts that are in _italics_ is a dream sequence. I'm so sorry to anyone that found it confusing in anyway before this author's note. Thanks for pointing it out! (:**

_Harry woke up._

_He sat up slowly, stretching and yawning, leaving sleep behind him and energized for a brand new day. Snow had fallen in the night, leaving a velvety layer of impregnable snow. Harry marveled at how much it looked like a little field in a snow globe, with its swirly, glittery snow and wonderland quality. He sighed in contentment as he eased back into the sheets, perfectly happy to spend the rest of the day watching the snow in his little cocoon of peace that was so hard won. _

_Suddenly, he sat up. His slouch straightened and his shoulders rose. A slow smile crept across his lips, almost comical. His eyes brightened slowly, like the starting up of an extremely powerful lamp. His gaze fell on the little dog shaped calendar on the bedside table. All the other boxes were empty, void of even the little black print that announced the date and day. The only box that was filled was circled with a bright red quill, ink dripping down the paper like blood on a macabre Halloween decoration. _

_**25**__**th**__** December.**_

_It was Christmas! Harry jumped out of bed and whooped. _

_**It's Christmas!**_

_Without sparing a backward glance, he dashed out the door, hollering for his father. It was Christmas! As such, he didn't notice the darkness that had befell his little winter wonderland. And neither did he see the red coal-like eyes tracing his movement and twinkling with a laughter that signaled something dreadful._

_-----_

"_Dad!" Harry yelled as he pounded on the red door. "Dad! It's Christmas, get up!" He didn't notice the red paint that had stained his hands. "Dad!"_

"_I'm coming!" came the gruff reply, lower than usual, silkiness replaced with a rough tenor. Harry smiled. _

_**Finally, my first Christmas with Dad.**_

_Harry padded into the kitchen. Three white mugs of steaming hot chocolate stood on the counter, steam spinning in soft whirls above it. He grinned again as he sipped the delicious beverage. His happiness engulfed him. Without thinking, he downed the entire cup of steaming chocolate in one gulp. Funny how he didn't feel it blistering down his throat. He set the mug on the table. The red on his fingers stained the handle red._

_He smiled again._

_**That was a nice festive touch.**_

_He slipped out the door and into the sitting room. There was already someone there. Harry smiled and threw his arms around the black cloaked figure, contentment radiating off him palpably. The eyes peeped through the darkness outside and faded, still twinkling, still twinkling…_

"_Good morning," the figure said, voice high and cold. Harry froze, his very blood seemed to have crystallized in his veins. He pulled his head back and found himself staring into a pair of slits._

_Red._

_Eyes. _

_**Voldemort!**_

_Harry leapt back, eyes wide. He finally noticed that vortex of darkness outside, finally saw the black snow that looked like a blanket of ashes. His happiness evaporated, leaving him fearful, terrified. _

"_Dad!" Harry screamed. Voldemort smiled, cruel, eyes gleaming with the twinkle that was uncannily familiar to those outside. _

"_I've got a present for you," he continued conversationally._

_**Dad!**_

"_I'm sure you'll love it."_

_**Dad!**_

_He removed a black bag from beneath his dark robes and grinned again. "Here it is."_

_**Dad!**_

_He removed the black satin ribbons with a flourish. Harry's jaw dropped. His mouth widened into a silent scream, frozen, stuck. He scrabbled backwards, trying to find something to support him but failed. He landed hard on his behind, all the while scrabbling backwards with red fingers. The paint darkened, became a shade similar to blood…_

_**NoNoNoNoNoNO!**_

_Voldemort smiled and gave the two ropes he was holding onto a tug. The two figures at the end bounced, lifelessly, like little rag dolls. Voldemort became a monster, a giant, colossal figure that towered over Harry as silent tears tracked down his face, as the blood on his hands became more. The two figures at the end of the nooses suddenly awoke, hands outstretched, fingers grabbing the air before them. Their eyes opened, shining red as blood poured from their mouths._

"_You did this, Harry…" Hermione whispered, her voice full of hatred._

"_Yessss…" Ron hissed._

"_Merry Christmas, Harry Potter," Voldemort sneered and he laughed. A high, painfully grating laugh._

_Harry screamed._

_He screamed. _

_And screamed._

_And screamed._

And screamed.

Harry bolted upright in bed, sweat beading his forehead and upper lip. He was panting hard, as if he had just run a full marathon. His head felt like it was going to explode. He closed his eyes as he raised a shaky hand to wipe the sweat off his lip. He glanced around, trying to find his bearings.

_It was a dream._

Harry sighed in relief as he rubbed his scar absently. His hand encountered something wet and he stiffened.

_Blood._

Harry suddenly felt fearful. His gaze flickered to the whiteness outside the window and darted to the door. Throwing his blankets on the floor, he strode to the door. It was locked. Harry fell backwards and clutched his forehead as images of death and despair filled his mind.

He saw the Dark Mark floating above a neat house in the streets of a muggle settlement.

He saw the Dark Mark floating above a crooked house, held up by magic.

Harry screamed as pain seared through his head. A violent burst of red engulfed his vision and he flinched so violently he almost ended under his bed. As suddenly as it came, it cleared.

A bright light burst through the red, clearing it away a single swipe. A silver doe cantered into his room, passing soundlessly through the door. It shook its head as if to clear it. Then it spoke.

_Harry, _it said with his father's voice and Harry immediately stood up. _Stay in your room. Whatever you hear, whatever you might see, __**do not**__ come out, understand me? Remember I love you. I'll always love you…_

It disappeared, leaving behind a wisp of silver and a whole lot of fear in Harry's heart.

"I love you too, dad," he whispered. "Whatever it is, be alright."

Harry sank to the floor as he tried to process the message his father had just sent. Should he go out? Should he listen to his father's instructions? He sank to the floor again, shaking with chills, head in his hands as tears fell.

-----

Severus darted out of bed when he heard Harry's screams. Grabbing a Calming Draught which he put specifically there for that very purpose, he dashed out the room and was almost to his son's door when he froze.

There, sitting and glaring at each other with burning hatred, were two identical black dogs. Grims. Severus stopped in his tracks, careful not to draw attention to himself. He heard a soft thud from his son's room and felt his worry spike. Drawing his wand, he locked the door silently and sent in a patronus, praying hard that Harry's stubborn Gryffindor streak wouldn't get in the way.

Two black dogs, how in the name of all things magical did they get into Hogwarts? He glanced at Harry's door again as he felt his patronus disappear and Harry's despair. His breathing hitched slightly but he was the only one that realized it. The dogs circled each other. Then one of them looked up and its gaze connected with Severus'. Severus drew in a deep breath. Its eyes sparkled with something, a light that never dimmed even on the darkest nights. A something that Severus would recognize anywhere.

_Oh my God, Padfoot…_

It lowered its gaze again, staring at the other dog with furious ire. A soft growl issued from between its lips. Severus suddenly felt his own fury rise. All he could see was the dark shadows that prowled Azkaban as he dragged his feet through the dark corridors. All he saw was Sirius in the other cell opposite his, the anger that rose blotted his very existence out, kept him sane throughout his week-long stay in that hellhole. He even forgot Lily and James' betrayal.

Severus snarled. The two dogs froze and turned, the eyes of one shining with maniacal glee while the other was shocked, surprised then pleading. Severus strode into the sitting room. With a swipe of his wand, he changed into his black battle robes. He rose his wand which vibrated in tandem with his painful anger and was prepared to cast an Unforgiveable when it flew out of his hand and snapped against the wall. Severus flinched as the bond he had with his wand severed.

That gave one of the dogs an opening as it lunged at him, jaws open and yellow teeth gleaming.

"No!" came a shout from behind him and Severus felt his heart splinter.

_Harry! _

A sudden blast blinded him as the room quaked with a dangerous pulsating energy. Severus glanced up and realized that it was coming from his son. The wand that lay broken on the floor repaired itself and flew into Severus' hand. Severus almost cried with joy when he felt the bond re-establish itself. The two dogs writhed on the floor, whimpering and whining. Harry's eyes blazed with raw power, channeled by his fear and anger. He had nothing much left to lose and if he lost his father, he would lose himself.

The dogs were transforming slowly, morphing into humanoid figures. Severus gasped when he recognized the other.

"R-Regulus?"

He was tall, but not as tall as the ragged looking man behind that both Harry and Severus knew as Sirius Black. He held his head at a haughty angle, eyes gleaming with malice. His neat hair and appearance was a total contradiction to his brothers.

"Hello, senior," he rasped. "Nice to see you again."


	24. 23

There was stunned silence broken only by Sirius' harsh breathing and Regulus' maniacal chuckles.

"Well, well, who do we have here?" he said as he drew his wand from his robes and twirled it between his fingers. "Could it be the famous Harry Potter?"

"It's Snape," Harry spat, the magical energy he was channeling diminished but his clenched fists still glowed with light.

"Ah, Snape," Regulus' lip curled. "Speaking of which…" He turned to Severus. "Master has been asking about you. He says hi."

Harry bristled and Severus shot him a warning look.

"Tell him I return his greetings," Severus returned with a straight face. His eyes glittered in a manner that made Harry nervous. Regulus, however, seemed to be impervious to it.

"I will," he promised. The pair eyed each other.

"So," Regulus started after a moment of tension. "How's family life for our number one spy? Going to pass on anything our Master taught us?"

Severus frowned and flipped his wand in his hand.

"Oh my, my, my," Regulus said in mock surprise. "Don't tell me you forgot!" He took on an expression that made Harry feel suddenly fearful. "Let me remind you then."

The animagus grasped his wand and Severus stiffened. From his position, Harry could see Severus grip his wand tight, his fingers clenched around it so that he could raise it and fire off a defence or offence without a moments delay. Instead of using his wand, however, Regulus dropped it in his pocket.

"But that's no fun," he chuckled. He flicked his wrist.

Suddenly, Harry's entire world was summed up in one word – pain. It was as of he had lived it forever, dwelt for the past eternity in this electric pain. It burned in his veins and tore through his muscles, seeping into his very bones. He screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed until his throat felt like it was shreds of bloody muscle instead of a working oesophagus.

"Harry!" both Severus and Sirius cried, watching helplessly as he bucked like a terrified horse.

"Let him go," Severus commanded. "Now."

He was no longer the father, the Potions Master or the spy. He was now the Death Eater. The part of him that was always the Death Eater, a part that dwells in everyone in varying intensity, burst forth. He had never been so angry, so fearless and so full of power. For the first time, he wanted to inflict the pain that came with the job. He wanted to watch him Regulus scream until he couldn't and then scream some more. He wanted to watch the dying light in his eyes with popcorn in one hand and a muggle fizzy drink in the other, all while laughing like he was watching a comedy instead of a man's death. His conscience faded, leaving behind the gaping need to avenge the boy he loved so fiercely.

Regulus must have sensed it for he flicked his wrist again and Harry's screaming ceased, replaced only by terrible wet coughs and rasping breathing as blood dribbled down Harry's chin. He crawled to his knees and leaned heavily against the wall, eyes closed. Without thinking, Sirius rushed to Harry's side and dropped to his knees. Severus snarled and blasted a curse at him, sending him soaring, unconscious, and smashing into the wall. He then turned his wand onto Regulus.

"Do that again and I swear I will plaster my walls with your intestines," he threatened, voice calm and steady. Regulus was very sure that he would go through with his threat if need be. It was then that Snape' reputation as a formidable wizard surfaced in Regulus' mind. He had no doubt that his senior would have learnt the wandless magic tricks that the Dark Lord had been teaching him with his eyes closed. Snape was a spy and a follower of that fool Dumbledore but he was a powerful wizard and powerful wizards could learn anything.

Regulus smirked in an attempt to steady himself. He hadn't expected it to go that way. The Dark Lord had promised his share of the fun after he brought Snape down with Potter or Snape or whatever he was now. Before Regulus could think of his next course of action, however, he felt something in his mind break. Pain pulsated through his very soul as a crushing weight pressed down on his mind. Severus stood and watched, detached, but a light danced in his eyes. A light that Regulus had never seen before, not even when the Dark Lord was in one of those killing spree moods. It drove him to his knees.

With a swipe, Severus immobilized and silenced him. Wards erected suddenly around him, wards that in his power were so strong that even Dumbledore would have had problems unraveling them. The light died in his eyes. Severus shook his head woozily as he swayed on his feet. He shook his head like a dog to clear his mind.

"Harry!" he whispered as he dropped to his son's side. He was leaning against the wall, the neck of his pyjamas red and slick with blood.

"Harry, please tell me you're alright," he murmured as he cast a diagnostic charm over him. Nothing read. "No, no, no!" He placed a trembling hand on Harry's heart and almost died of relief. He was still there, in the land of the living, hovering dangerously close to joining his mother, but still there. Severus wanted to hug his son to him, crush him with the joy he felt but he didn't for fear of aggravating any internal injuries.

"You're gonna be alright, son," he murmured. In his distress, he had quite lost the haughty Potions Master air that had slowly began to form around him again. The before he remembered he had a family attitude. "You're gonna be just fine. We'll play Quidditch together, I'll even invite the Weasleys and force Remus to join us. I'll do anything. Just be alright, son. Be alright…"

-----

The evening light filtered into the Hospital Wing as a grave-looking Headmaster Dumbledore strode in, robes billowing behind him like a purple shadow. He looked older than his hundred and forty odd years, robes in a mess and eyes bloodshot. He gazed upon the scene before him with sadness and guilt that consumed him alive.

Harry lay swathed in sheets that were almost as white as his complexion that was pale from recurring blood lost. He was coughing up blood every few hours due to his bleeding throat and now lay half asleep and half unconscious. It was an injury that refused to heal despite all the hours Severus spent dribbling potions and teas into his mouth. Sweat beaded his forehead and every breath he took looked like his last. Albus concentrated on each of his breaths; in, out, in, out, in, out. It distracted him from what he truly felt.

Deep down, despite all he preached about love and loyalty, all he felt was a sense of pity. A pity that this boy, a boy who was meant to do great things and sacrifice even more, was marked before he was even born, before he even had a choice. Albus had chosen Severus for the simple reason that his background befitted that of a Death Eater. Most Death Eaters came from dark or broken families and of all the junior Order members, only Severus and Sirius fit this position. Since the possibility of the Gryffindor bending before Tom Riddle was as probable as Lily Evans failing every subject, Albus had chosen Severus. He was smart and cunning, and he radiated a kind of silent pride that few would choose to question. It was as if he had done great things, amazing things, but he would only reveal them if he wanted to and he never wanted to. It kept people on their toes, really.

Harry moaned slightly and swallowed convulsively in his sleep. Albus diverted his attention back to Harry. He studied the boy, his shock of messy raven hair, his long lashes, his uncanny similarity in appearance to James Potter and the scar. The lightning bolt scar that traced its way down his forehead, a thin, red line that stood out starkly on his pale skin. Albus eyed the scar with a trace of faint pride. It was all his doing, of course. He had to make sure it appeared on the correct boy. Although he knew that Neville Longbottom had a big amount of courage locked up somewhere in him, he shuddered to think of what would happen if he was the boy-who-lived instead. He would have been harder to manipulate for he was not as close to Frank and Alice Longbottom as he was to Severus and Lily.

His gaze and thoughts turned to the man that was currently snoozing in an armchair that Minerva had transfigured from one of the Infirmary's hard backed chairs. Severus looked literally like the walking dead, his long hair unwashed and his face gaunt. He had been sitting by his son's bedside for a week before Harry woke up and another two days after, neither eating nor sleeping until Harry pointed weakly but firmly at the food tray and demanded in a fierce whisper that left him bleeding again that he eat. Indeed the only person he had listened too in the brief two days was Harry.

Oh, he owed Severus so much, especially for the pain he caused him. Severus didn't exactly come from a broken home but an unhappy home. Tobias was strict, but not an abusive man while Eileen was gentle and rather timid. It was a home without love, a home that was both stifling and painful. Sometimes, when Severus staggered out of his office in the dead of the night looking like he was attacked by a thousand Golden Snidgets with their sharp beaks, he wondered how this duo could produce such a fine son, a man that was righteous, courageous and fiercely loving. Albus admired him for how hard he could love. It was this love, buried somewhere beneath Albus' colossally powerful memory charm that had broken through the barriers and claimed Harry for his own.

Albus realized with a rueful smile that Harry's hand was in Severus' grasp. A few months ago, Albus wouldn't have dreamed of ever stumbling across such a scene but now he did. Would they have been so close if Albus hadn't done what he did? Albus almost laughed. If he did, it would have been a sharp and bitter laugh that no one would expect out of the usually cheery headmaster.

_No, they wouldn't_, Albus decided firmly. They would have been like two totally different people meeting on the bustling platform of life, put into the same compartment because they shared a familial bond and Severus would love the boy because he had to.

Albus sighed and checked his watch. So much to do and so little time. Sometimes, he wondered how he lived to his age. With that he swept out the door.


	25. 24

It was a dark, dank and squarish cell, no more than an arm's length wide. The only light came from the small, barred window high on the wooden door and even then, it was a dim, almost non-existent, glow. Sirius shuffled uncomfortably; the manacles around his wrists and ankles were digging painfully into his skin and scraping at his bones. For a few minutes, he wondered if he could transform into a dog and somehow slide his way out the crack at the bottom of the door.

He shook his head and laughed a dog-like bark of bitter humour. It was futile to think of or plan any escape. There was nowhere he could run and he didn't want to spend the rest of his life dodging the Ministry. He just wanted to find Pettigrew, slit his worthless throat and then search out Dumbledore and do the exact same thing. After all, he wasn't a mindless soldier for Dumbledore to order about. He wanted to serve the light without destroying his life, thank you very much.

A door creaked open. Sirius stiffened as thoughts of Dementors infiltrated his mind, their rotting breath and clammy fingers searching and hungering for souls to devour. Despite himself, he shrank back against the wall. Then, a pair of familiar blue eyes appeared at the small window, surveying him with sadness. Sirius didn't resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Go away," he rasped.

"Good evening, Sirius," Dumbledore said, his voice infinitely sad.

"Go away," Sirius repeated. He turned away.

"I'm here to help," Dumbledore murmured. Sirius heard the jingle of keys as one was slid into the keyhole. There was a click then the door swung open. Hatred burned in his veins until he couldn't see much but a shimmering red cloud and Dumbledore.

"I don't need your help!" Sirius spat.

"I keep the promises I make, Sirius," Dumbledore said, his eyes flashing. Sirius let out a bark of mirthless laughter.

"You do?" he questioned, mocking. "You promised me that James and Lily would be safe, that Severus would reunite with his wife and son. You promised that I wouldn't be rotting in that hellhole for twelve years for something I didn't do but sure as hell wish I did!"

He was breathing heavily, sweat trickled down his forehead. Dumbledore looked at him for a moment. Then, a soft and almost inaudible "I'm sorry," escaped his lips. Sirius' eyes narrowed and his anger surged.

"You're sorry?" he hissed. "You told me you would assume Secret Keepership for Lily and James. Instead, you gave it to Pettigrew." He spat the rat's name as if it were scum. "If you or I were Secret Keeper, none of this would have happened. You planned for James and Lily to die, didn't you? After Severus was made your pet spy, they were useless, a liability to keep safe so you gave it to Pettigrew knowing full well what he would do!"

Silence greeted his accusation. Unknowingly, Sirius was crying. His tears spilled from his eyes, not for the fate that he knew would meet him because of what he knew but also for the loss of his best friends. Dumbledore studied him shrewdly and Sirius met his gaze unflinchingly.

"Hit a raw nerve, didn't I?" Sirius whispered. The silence that followed was almost deafening. A sense of glee touched his heart. If this really was his last day on earth, he would go down hurting those that hurt him. Dumbledore's expression hardened.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," he stated. "I said I was sorry. Why did you have to go further? Why could you not just let it stop there?" Profound sadness touched his face. He gave Sirius a look that made something deep within him shudder. So this was it.

Dumbledore turned to converse with someone to his left. Sirius felt his insides clench painfully. A cold draft blew in the windowless stone room that his cell was a part of. Sirius shivered. A cold rattling filled his head, icy fingers gripping at his soul. Darkness was eating at the edge of his vision as it faded. The last he saw was a mouth, a dark maw that swirled with whirlpool of silvery souls.

As his soul left him, he thought he could hear a voice whispering in his head. Whispering…

_Why did you have to go further?_

And then his soul joined the thousands of others trapped in the swirling dark vortex and he heard and felt no more.


	26. 25

Severus was catching up on much needed sleep in a chair by Harry's bedside when a primal growl and a nudge to his shoulder jolted him out of his slumber. His hand closed around his wand and he was just about to blast the intruder to pieces when he recognized his identity. Surprised, he slipped his want up his sleeve and eyed it warily.

A shining silver wolf paced nervously in front of him, eyes shimmering with the urgent need to convey whatever message it had been tasked to pass. When it saw that Severus was alert and taking notice of him, it sat back on its haunches, tail twitching, and whined. It got up and pawed the ground a few times before turning its bright gaze onto Severus.

_My office! _It cried in Remus' voice which was frantic and sounded more like a rumbling growl than a human voice. _Hurry, Severus!_

The wolf terminated the message and pinned Severus down with a beseeching stare. He had seen the wolf countless of times and of all the times he did, he had a nagging suspicion that the magical canine was something more than just a patronus. Looking at the wolf now, it dawned on Severus that it held an uncanny similarity to Remus when he was in his werewolf state. It also occurred to him that it was remiss of him as a friend not to have realised it even though he had seen Remus transform since they were in Third Year. He nodded tersely at the wolf and it seemed to relax. Turning tail, it bounded out the Hospital Wing doors and vanished, leaving behind a silvery trail that smelt faintly of pine. Severus glanced reluctantly at his slumbering son before sweeping out the door, dark eyes intent.

-----

Severus appeared to be gliding down the corridor as his hurried footsteps made no sound on the carpeted floor. It was obvious that he was in a dour mood, more so than usual, and students, teachers and ghosts alike kept their heads down and eyes averted as they passed him in the hallway. Severus, however, was not even aware of the fact that he was frightening the people who were now scurrying past him. Ever since Remus' vague summons in the Hospital Wing just minutes ago, Severus' mood had been oscillating between irritated and anxious, two emotions that he had had enough of in the past week. He didn't want to leave Harry's side and yet he had never seen Remus' patronus look so vulnerable and nervous before.

He ran the message through his mind several times, trying to process the cause of Remus' panic but it always came back blank. There were too little things said and too little time to remember him; trying to figure it out was as useful as trying to tame a Manticore. Sighing, he increased his speed, putting less space between his best friend's office and himself with every step. He just hoped it was too late.

-----

The office was dark and dusty. Severus coughed as he opened the door for he was immediately assaulted by a war band of dust bunnies. Remus had drawn the musty curtains that hadn't felt a human touch for about a decade and the darkness was almost absolute, save for a curious glow that seemed to come from something on Remus' lap. Particles of dust swirled before him and he swiped an impatient hand through the air in an attempt to clear his vision.

From what he could see of Remus, he was slouched in his armchair behind his desk which had been stripped bare. Severus stepped into the room and almost tripped over a long and metallic object on the ground. Frowning, he slipped his wand out of his sleeve and muttered a faint _lumos_. The small ball of light was enough for him to tell that the rest of the distance between Remus and him would be a minefield to navigate. The object he had stepped on was the simple lamp that usually stood on the desk. His confusion and worry increased.

"Remus?" Severus questioned gently as he looked up. In the oppressive atmosphere of the room, he felt a need to whisper. He brought his wand up to illuminate the room. He was startled to find tears running down his friend's face.

"Remus!" he cried, stepping gingerly through the objects strewn across the floor. He didn't know what was causing him so much grief but he felt a stab of pain for his pain. He was circumnavigating a rather large and shattered Foe Glass when the soft glow on Remus' lap shifted. He looked on curiously as he placed a stone basin on the table, silvery contents moving in elegant circles. Severus' blood rushed in his ears. A Pensive.

"Look," Remus commanded hoarsely and then buried his head in his hands. Whatever that was in the Pensieve was either a very painful truth or a terrifying memory. Taking a deep breath to steel himself and to quell his burning curiosity, he plunged headfirst into the swirling vortex.

"_Hey Black!" a carelessly handsome boy called as he strutted down the carpeted aisle. The train chugged on, the floor rocking slightly with the forward movement. The boy's gait was confident, almost arrogant. He had bright eyes that shone behind perfectly round glasses, a straight nose and the most charismatic smile that revealed teeth that gleamed. He ran a hand through his ruffled and messy hair and almost in tandem, the girls in the nearby carriage sighed. _

_He smirked. Despite his First Year status, he had already elicited many similar sighs from the girls as he searched the train for the childhood playmate he hadn't seen in five years and not all of them were similar in age either. It fed his ego, of course. James Potter the Handsome, Conqueror of Evil and Shining Knight in Armour. He liked the ring to it._

"_Potter!" Sirius cried in delight as he turned at the familiar cocky mention of his name. "How are you, my friend?" he enquired solemnly, giving a curt bow. Almost immediately, they burst into spontaneous laughter, a buoyant sound that carried into a nearby compartment. At twelve, Sirius was already showing signs of inheriting the best stock of the Black genetics. His good looks coupled with a truly arrogant attitude that was far enough from confidence that gave Sirius the impression of inflated egotism. _

Severus could only watch on, his insides clenching painfully. It was the day they met. They day it all began. They day his life felt like a life.

"_Could you quit making such a racket?" a reproachful voice came from behind them and the pair of friends broke apart. They were met with a sight that made stilled their tongues and caused their hearts to fluttered not uncomfortably. A pretty redhead glared at them with vivid green eyes. She was blooming nicely; at twelve, she had already lost most of the little girl quality that most of the girls on the train still possessed. _

"_S-sorry," James stuttered, which surprised himself. He had never apologised to anyone, let alone a girl. It wasn't proper for a man of the Potter clan, but with this particular girl, he felt himself lose whatever arrogance he had possessed. Sirius stared at him with comical surprise. He wasn't planning on apologizing, even though the girl was possibly the prettiest girl he had ever laid eyes on. The corridors of the train was a public area after all._

_The girl's features softened, giving it a warmer look that stole James' heart and deflated some of Sirius ego. She studied them and the two boys were immobilised by her scrutiny. Her eyes narrowed slightly and a small smile curved her lips._

"_Hold on," she said, her voice a melodic tinkle. She turned round to converse with a sallow-skinned and scrawny boy that eyed the strangers with a curious yet wary look. He had heard of them, of course, the Potters and the Blacks. With the Malfoys and the Lestranges, the Potters and the Blacks were some of the other bigwigs in the wizarding world. The boy pushed his long hair out of his face as he thought whatever the girl said through. His gaze turned to the young masters of the richest and most influential wizarding households in Britain. Slowly, he nodded. When the girl turned back, she had the most radiant smile on her face. _

"_I'm Lily and that's Severus. Come on in," she invited as she pulled open the sliding door. James and Sirius, barely believing their luck, slipped into their compartment. Just as Sirius was about to close the door, a hoarse shout echoed down the corridor. Frowning, he looked towards the other people in the carriage. Severus looked alarmed and as if by impulse, he grabbed Lily and planted her beside him. His hand snaked around her shoulder and stayed there._

_Sirius stuck his head out of the compartment and into the corridor but had to pull it back hastily to avoid being decapitated by a fake sword that went flying through the air. Cruel laughter filled the air as a shabbily-dressed boy dashed down the hallway, eyes bright with unshed tears. His arms were red, as if someone had been hitting him hard with a flexible stick. Or a fake sword._

_He reached out for the sword and cradled it close, as if it was a lost family heirloom that he had just found but was taken. Lily wriggled out of Severus' vice-like grip before storming out of the carriage._

"_What do you think you're doing?" she demanded as she rounded on a trio of older boys. They were already in their Hogwarts robes, red lion emblems stitched to the front of their robes. "Leave him alone!" _

"_Ooh!" they mock-cooed. "This little Firstie thinks she can take on the big boys!" The leader of the trio stepped forward and grabbed her arm. In a flash, Severus was out of the carriage. He knocked the boy's hand away and glared at him ferociously._

"_Leave her alone," he threatened. A quiet authority shone through his voice, deadly calm. The trio shuddered although they didn't know why. Lily almost rolled her eyes. Just like Severus to think that she couldn't take care of herself. Meanwhile, James and Sirius was helping the boy into the compartment. The girl named Lily had seemed to deflate their ego and made them mere mortals._

Severus felt tears in his eyes as he saw his beloved Lily. He saw his protectiveness of her, his fear of losing her and he regretted none of it.

Later on in the school term, the five of them would sit around a fire in the Great Hall and talk about that day. Remus would gaze into the depths of the fire and everyone would stop talking. They never knew who gave him that fake sword and they never asked.

Another memory surfaced. This time, it was one that Severus was unfamiliar with.

_The beginnings of dusk tinged the velvet sky like cotton candy on a dark azure tablecloth. The rising sunlight shone through the window, bathing everything in a golden glow. Sirius made his way across the expansive office._

"_You asked for me, Professor?" Sirius asked as he took a seat before the wizened old wizard. _

"_Indeed, I did," Dumbledore replied softly. "Please, call me Albus." Sirius didn't answer save for a slight incline of his head. _

"_I'll get straight to the point," Dumbledore said as he laced his fingers and gazed steadily at Sirius. "I want Secret Keepership of the Potter house in Godric's Hollow." _

_He said it so fast and in such a smooth and final tone that Sirius felt his jaw drop._

"_You want what?" he asked incredulously._

"_Secret Keepership," Dumbledore repeated gravely._

"_Why?" Sirius exclaimed. "That safe house is not even used!"_

_Dumbledore sighed. It sounded like he was suffering. "It's important, Sirius. I can't explain it now. I promise I'll explain it to you someday," he said. _

_A dozen emotions flickered across his face in rapid succession. He still remembered the day when James came to him, every trace of cockiness and arrogance gone, and implored him to take up Secret Keepership of the Potter House down at Godric's Hollow._

"_Why can't you explain it to me now?" Sirius asked defiantly after a period of silence. Dumbledore regarded him gravely over his half-moon spectacles._

"_Because," he said with uncharacteristic harshness, "your friend's life is in danger."_

_Sirius' eyes widened."From who?" he snarled. Dumbledore frowned. _

"_Who else?" he asked with a sigh as he removed his glasses and cleaned them with a handkerchief. _

_Sirius sighed wearily and ran a hand down his face._

"_Damn," he swore and sank back in his chair. "Fine."_

_Dumbledore looked relieved. "Good. I must ask you not to tell James of this under any circumstances," he said._

"_Why?" Sirius asked, perturbed. _

_Dumbledore replaced his glasses on his nose. "So many questions, so little time…" he murmured. With that he smiled faintly at Sirius and he took it as his cue to leave. With a soft click, Sirius closed the door and left the office._

A/N: Sorry for the lack of update. I'll be updating less frequently from now on due to school. Don't worry, it hasn't been abandoned! (:


	27. 26

_Sirius closed his eyes and just let his tears fall and fall and fall. Lily and James were dead. Severus was off Merlin knows were, probably mourning and grieving and probably crying ten times worse than he was. Remus was somewhere in the house, he wasn't sure where, cleaning like a house elf and ignoring the plaintive squeaking of the little cohort of house elves that used to serve 12 Grimmauld Place. _

_And Harry? He was with his relatives in that awful, __**mugglish**__ place where he had this niggling thought that they wouldn't treat such his precious godson just right. Sirius snarled as he slammed his fisted hands onto the table, causing the bottle of Firewhiskey on the table to rattle dangerously. A string of expletives escaped his lips. Dumbledore lied! That meddling, bumbling, __**murdering**__ old coot! He'd make sure he paid, paid, paid. Oh no, Dumbledore wouldn't sell them out. How could he, the pure, perfect defeater of the feared Grindelwald, the wisest most awesome wizard of the age? Sirius snorted. Of course not. He had to give the job to someone else. He couldn't soil those fingers after all, those exquisite fingers made for writing with quills and murdering dark wizards. _

_Sirius was shocked when Peter Pettigrew, that mousy boy-like man, scampered into Godric's Hollow one day, scared out of his wits. Sirius was simultaneously ashamed, furious and absolutely confused. Merlin knew how that useless mouse of a man managed to worm his way into Gryffindor in the first place but he didn't care much then for the dignity of his house. Not when the champion for said house just sold them out to an almost complete stranger. They had barely ever exchanged words, Pettigrew saw Sirius, Sirius never realised he even existed. Not until he tripped over him at the Yule Ball in fifth year and grunted an grunted an apology anyway (Lily was a good influence on his high and mighty Black ego)._

_Oh yes, Sirius was going to look for that rat first and pull his tail off. Then he would let that cat down the street have him for tea. Oh yes, he was. Snarling again, he downed the entire bottle of Firewhiskey in one smooth motion. He was a riled up hunter and Pettigrew? Why, he was easy prey._

Severus pulled out of the pensieve with a gasp. "No," he whispered. "It can't be."

Remus nodded as he covered his face with his hands and wept. Severus collapsed to the ground, emotionally spent. He would have scoffed then laughed in the face of whoever had told him that story without proof but there it was, proof that Dumbledore wasn't the nice guy he was purported to be. Vaguely, Severus wondered if the hat ever contemplated placing him in Slytherin instead. Boy, that would have been disastrous.

Pain filled his heart and ate at his soul as he thought of his best friend, an empty shell as his soul joined a thousand others in a swirling rampage of souls, of pain, suffering and torment, for eternity. You couldn't kill a Dementor after all, not unless you had some super-powered Patronus. Guilt nipped at him, for ever doubting Sirius and never giving him a chance.

"Merlin…" Severus uttered again, a desperate cry to relieve the tension within him. He felt like he was going to explode, wanted to explode but couldn't. "Sweet Merlin, Sirius."

"He was gone before I could show this to them," Remus said, his voice a droning flat monotone. "The door was left open. The Dementor was hungry."

"Dumbledore!" Severus snarled and he swept away the objects cluttering the floor with one fluid movement. "I will kill you, if it's the last thing I do, I will kill you!" Remus said nothing, merely looking on as his incensed friend stormed out of the room. The Peacemaker in Remus decided that it was best to let the Wolf handle this one for now.

---

"Albus Dumbledore! A word!" Severus screamed as he threw the door open, breaking it clean off its hinges and sending it soaring through the air. It crashed into a table which would have once held delicate items of immense value. The table, along with its galleons-worth in load, was gone. In fact, there was no trace of a man named Albus Dumbledore ever being headmaster, ever sitting behind that stately oaken desk. The room was empty, save for the furniture that came initially with the room. Severus was about to snarl something that would make mothers cover their children's ears in disgust when he stopped short, shock and revulsion curling in the pit of his stomach. The silence was deafening. Too quiet… quiet… Where were the portraits?

The frames were all there, burnished to a shiny gold by the dutiful house elves that served the institution. The white canvas was still there, but most of it, most of it was covered with a splattering of gore, of human body parts splattered haphazardly all over. It was as if its occupant had exploded. Every portrait was the same, its occupant in pieces all over the furniture painted into the frame. From some portraits, blood dripped down the back. The silence was so absolute that he could hear the blood squelch down the wall, dripping… dripping…

Severus took a step back, his arms seeking support before he landed embarrassingly on his behind. He found none and was about to tumble down the stairs when someone caught him from behind.

"Severus!" Remus cried. "What's wro- Mer- Oh, n- Merlin, no." He gazed in fascinated horror as the ear of a particularly illustrious headmaster slid down the canvas and onto the painted floor with a squelch. "Oh God, what did he do?"

"He fled," Severus said feebly, his heart thumping hard in his chest. "That son of a bitch fled."

"Let's get out of here," Remus suggested as he felt bile rise up his throat. "We'll let Minerva know of this. Those portraits… There's an evil wizard on the loose."

Suddenly, fear clouded Severus' eyes as he bolted upright. Panic seized him with its vise-like grip and refused to release him. What if he took Harry? What if he took Harry with him? A moan escaped his lips as he ran down the stairs, jumping three at a time, not even caring that on the last jump, a searing pain zapped up his large toe and stinging his leg a good one. He ran and ran and ran like a man running from the Grim Reaper, blood rushing through his ears. _No, please. Not Harry._ He pleaded with known and unknown deities. _Don't let him take Harry._

Severus burst into the Hospital Wing looking like a madman, hair awry, eyes overly bright. His breath came in harsh pants as he limped towards Harry's bed. The curtains were drawn and Severus sucked in a breath. He had left it open before he left. Raising a trembling hand, he yanked the curtain away.

A few things occurred simultaneously. His legs gave way as his face paled. His eyes slid shut, his hand flew to his heart as he exhaled, inhaled, exhaled, inhaled. Harry's eyes fluttered open.

"Dad?" he whispered hoarsely.

"I'm here, son," Severus replied. "Not leaving. Won't be leaving."

"Good," Harry said as his eyes slid shut again. Severus picked himself from the ground and walked over to his son's bed, healing the curtain in one fluid stroke.

"You're okay," he whispered and thanked the high heavens. Then, he slipped into the bed next to Harry's, scribbled a note to Madam Pomfrey and fell unconscious.

---

Madam Pomfrey found him fifteen minutes later, dead to the world. She smiled slightly. Severus hadn't been able to sleep very well for the past few weeks and although she had strict policies about non-patients occupying beds, she had no comment. She checked on Harry and was about to return to her office when she caught sight of the parchment on Severus' bedside table.

_Poppy,_

_I am in need of medical assistance although I do not know of what sort. Remus has the information._

_Severus_

Madam Pomfrey looked alarmed. She cast a diagnostic charm. Broken toe. She sighed and set to work gently easing his boot off his foot. According to her charm, he had mangled it pretty well after snapping it almost clean in half. She wondered how he managed to even walk at all. She splintered it the best that she could and poured some Skele-grow down his throat. This was going to be a long night.

---

The combined moaning and screaming from the throes of two different nightmares from the Snapes was agony to listen to. Madam Pomfrey tried in vain to rouse them. So far, Harry only responded to his father and with said father running a dangerous temperature and strapped to the bed to prevent him from permanently damaging his toe, Madam Pomfrey was as helpful in the situation as a Crup. Therefore, she drew the curtains around the two and cast a silencing charm. Then she went past the barrier and watched, as her patients screamed their throats raw.


	28. 27

_He was flying, feeling the wind whip through his hair and sting his face as he lifted his hands off the polished handle of his Nimbus 2000 and whooped in exhilaration. Below him, the lake shimmered in the setting sunlight. The water was so clear that Harry could make out the smooth white body of the Giant Squid as it twisted in the water. A single smooth tentacle jutted out of the water, its suckers pulsing gently and Harry waved back. The Giant Squid's single eye sparkled and the creature vanished into the deeper depths of the lake. Harry smiled._

_**Ruk-ruk-ruk.**_

_Harry shuddered and grasped his broom handle, clutching it tightly. What was that sound?_

_**Ruk-ruk-ruk.**_

_There is was again. The broom was shaking in his hands now, it listed to the left and then to the right, jolting him off balance. And then he was falling, falling, falling, falling… _

_Right into another dream. Or nightmare._

_The dark cloaked figure was bent over a large tome of sorts. The dull light from the fireplace cast an orangey glow on the fragmented remains of a couple of bottles. The carpet smoked slightly. The cloaked figure let out a scream of despair as he slammed the book shut and dropped it on the table. The table legs splintered, sending pieces of wood flying and stabbing Harry in the stomach. Harry screamed, fingers searching for the splinter which was burrowing its way deeper into his skin. The cloaked figure turned, horror etched on his features._

"_Harry!" Severus cried, pelting across the room towards Harry who had sunk to his knees, tears running down his face. Harry felt fingers caress his face, and pulling his chin up so that their eyes could meet. Harry's eyes widened, his mouth opening in a silent scream of horror. _

_It wasn't his father's face he saw but the face of an old man. The blue eyes that once sparkled with light were now dark and steely, like flint. And the face. It was no longer kind but the face of a monster, warped through the ages but untouched, as if Time had tried but failed to affect it but insisted on doing so anyway. Skin peeled off his face like ancient wallpaper, curling and falling to the floor like confetti. The eyeballs rolled. Harry shuffled back involuntarily, the pain in his stomach fading as the monster raised a withered hand to his abdomen and pulled out the splinter._

"_I'm so sorry, Harry," the monster that was once Albus Dumbledore said in a hollow and echoing voice. "Will you forgive me?" Harry stumbled backwards, using his hands as his legs felt numb and powerless. _

"_Will you forgive me, Harry?" he moaned. "Will you forgive me? Forgive me? Forgive me!"_

_Tears sprung to Harry's eyes as a thrill of fear gripped him and sent stars dancing in his eyes. He could feel faintness coming, see the dark void slowly appearing before his very eyes and he suppressed the urgent need to retch. _

"_Love, Harry," the monster crooned. "You have a great capacity to love. You loved me once, didn't you? Love and forgive, Harry. Forgive!"_

_Harry screamed, screamed, screamed and screamed._

_---_

Severus was dreaming.

_It was ecstasy, it was, standing with Lily in his arms and her hand on his heart. He could feel her hand, small, delicate, the warmth that radiated from her body, promising him that she was indeed alive. He could smell her, the scent of apples, feel her breath on his neck. She looked up into his eyes and suddenly, Severus forgot how to breathe. All he could see was the vibrant green of those windows, sparkling and dancing with happiness._

"_Oh Sev…" she whispered. "I missed you, love."_

"_I missed you too," Severus replied, caressing her cheek with one long finger. "I love you."_

_Lily smiled. Her eyes were greener, green, green, green, seeming to grow bigger and bigger and bigger and Severus was falling and falling and falling…_

_Right into another dream. Or a nightmare. _

_There was a man and a boy. A familiar man lording over a cowering and familiar boy as tears ran down the boys face. _

"_Harry!" Severus cried as he took a step forward. He was met with resistance, a tall wall of nothingness blocked his path. "Harry!"_

_Dumbledore was advancing upon Harry now, nearer and nearer. _

"_Love, Harry," he was saying. "You have a great capacity to love. You loved me once, didn't you? Love and forgive, Harry. Forgive!"_

_Harry screamed, his pale face alight with a primitive fear._

"_Dad!" he was screaming over and over and over. "Dad! Dad! Dad! DAD!" _

_Severus sank to his knees, his fire in his eyes and despair in his heart as he heard his son's terrified screaming and desperate calls for help. His help. Help Severus couldn't give. With the horror growing and weighing his heart down, he felt himself sink into depression, the utter cruelty of the situation melting him down to his core, ripping the flesh from his bones as silent tears fell from his eyes. _

_---_

_On the other side of the barrier, Harry screamed and cried, screamed and cried._

_His dad was nowhere to be found. Didn't he promise? He promised never to leave, he promised to protect Harry, he promised and lied. _

_Why wasn't waking up?_

Harry and Severus jolted awake at the same time, bolting upright as tears fell from both their eyes, startling Madam Pomfrey and sending her to both their bedsides. Her footsteps faltered as she neared. Both were breathing heavily, panting like they had run too far a distance in too short a time. Slowly, they turned to look at each other. Madam Pomfrey decided it was best to leave.

---

"I'm sorry," Severus whispered, cracked and broken. "I'm so sorry."

Harry startled. "W-what do you mean?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, head bowed.

"W-what?"

"That dream. I-I'm sorry."

Harry shivered. "I-I don't understand."

Severus sighed. "Sometimes, it's possible but no one knows how, for two people to share a dream, or in this case, a nightmare. It happens amongst muggles as well but only wizards have the ability to remember it ever occurred."

"How do you know it was the same dream?" Harry asked, his voice wavering.

Severus ran a hand down his face. "'Love, Harry,'" he quoted. "'Love and forgive, Harry.'"

Harry shuddered, the room suddenly felt to cold as he drew his blankets around him, huddling beneath it like it was some sort of protective layer.

"Y-yes, but how did you know!" Harry cried suddenly, eyes wide.

"I just know it," Severus said. "Are you okay, son?"

Harry nodded feebly, lying back onto the pillow and curling up, facing away from his father. He didn't think he could face him. Not after that dream. Not after the wrenching disappointment and the tsunami of fear. No, not after that.

"Harry I'm sorry I wasn't there. I couldn't. I couldn't cross the barrier. It was a barrier. An invisible barrier. I couldn't. I'm sorry," Severus rambled. He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."

Harry turned to face him, curling into a tighter ball. "I forgive you," Harry whispered. "Love and forgive."

For one heart stopping moment, his eyes flashed blue. Severus felt his blood run cold. A strangled gasp escaped his lips, a sound of denial. Harry smiled serenely.

"You didn't think only Voldemort could do this, did you, Severus?" he asked, a familiar undertone in his voice, but only this time, it was chilled. "I have never been denied what I wanted, Severus." Harry sat up and brushed imaginary dust off his shoulders as Severus watched on, horror struck.

"Severus, you have been good all along. Why mess up now? Why disobey me now?" he asked, a puppeteer manipulating a Harry puppet. "You were never meant to have Lily or Harry, Severus. They deserve better than you. You're a spy, a spy has no family, you know that, Severus. You spy for me so you're my man. You follow my instructions and my instructions only!" Harry's voice rose to thunder.

Outside, Madam Pomfrey heard nothing. After all, the Silencing Charm was still in effect.

"Get out of him!" Severus cried, concentrating all his mental energies into forcing the intruder out. Harry smiled.

"Oh, come on, Severus. Don't forget who taught you how to do that in the first place," he said, bored. Severus felt himself being forcefully ejected from Harry's mind. A searing pain lashed behind his eyes and travelled down his spine to the rest of his body. He screamed.

Harry's smile became a grin, maniacal. "There's only one way you can make me leave, Severus," he whispered. "Kill him. Kill the boy."

Severus laughed, a hysterical laugh of a damned man desperate for salvation.

"Swallow your tongue, old man, I'll never harm my son!"

Harry laughed, cold, cruel, so unlike the Harry he knew and loved. "You know how painful it was the last time Voldemort did this, Severus. It's much worse for him now because it's me. Tacit harm, this is."

Severus closed his eyes, the horror feeling such a part of him now that he didn't know what sanity felt like. He just wanted to curl up and die somewhere. His son, Harry, was in pain. He didn't deserve this, didn't deserve this life. He'd be happier with his mother, he would, without the need to run, run, run and run away from Voldemort and towards Voldemort because he knew deep down that Harry was the one that had to kill him.

In a dream-like quality, he raised both his hands and rested them around Harry's neck.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," Severus choked. "I love you, Harry, remember that." Harry's blue eyes twinkled.

"Of course, dad. Of course I won't forget. I love you too," he said innocently. Oh how he sounded like a child again! Severus suddenly wanted to pull him into his arms and hug him tight.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, and put pressure on his windpipe.


	29. 28

Then, he paused.

What was he doing? Slowly, he removed his fingers from around his son's neck.

"No," he growled. "I won't."

"Oh come on Severus, it's all for this boy's own good. Put him out of his misery. Surely one as intellectual as yourself can see the logic behind it." So rational, so logical, so convincing…

"You see it, don't you?" he asked, Harry's voice low and confident. "Surely you see it?"

Severus gazed into the cold blue eyes that stared out of his son's eye sockets and found himself understanding, seeing the bigger picture for what it was instead of the narrow-minded way he had come to affect. It was true that it would be better to put Harry out of his misery, to take away the suffering and grief that had afflicted him since Lily died all those years ago.

He understood, but he didn't believe. He couldn't. He was selfish, yes. He was a Slytherin first before anything else and he wasn't giving anything of himself up. Everything he had done to this point was for himself after all. He couldn't bear to see his family hurt. He couldn't bear to see Harry suffer so and he couldn't bear the pain. The mind-numbing, excruciating pain that followed him every day, that reminded him of the mistake he had made all those years ago.

"Yes, I see it," Severus whispered. His voice didn't tremble, didn't have any particular tone that suggested any emotion. "I see it, but I don't believe it."

The creature that possessed his son warped Harry's face into an image that he hoped he would never see on his son's face again. Then, it laughed.

"Don't be foolish, Severus. You're making a big mistake."

Severus smirked. It came to him, suddenly, the spell that would save Harry, save them both. It came to him in a soft whisper by his left ear, a quiet exhalation. It came to him as the scent of apples did, the scent that wrapped around him and calmed his racing heart. It came to him in Lily's voice.

"No, I'm not," Severus replied smoothly. The mask was back, and his determination was firm. He would save his son, save him from a fate worse than death. Dumbledore must have sensed something for he blanched and for once, fear crept into the crystal blue eyes.

"_Impedimenta_," he intoned with both his mind and voice, softly, gently, as he entered Harry's mind, searching for his son's presence in the darkness. Dumbledore stood at the sides, immobile and stunned into surprise as a barrier formed around him, forcing him to the corner. Severus searched and searched, slipping through the darkness like fluid.

_Harry! _He called gently. _Where are you? _

He forced himself forward, calling for his son, his voice filled with love and a promise of comfort.

_Harry, it's me. Where are you?_

Then in the distance, he saw a light. It was a dull green, glowing faintly and Severus drew nearer pushing himself forward.

_Harry?_

The light darted backward and flickered.

_Harry, it's me._

The light flickered again.

_Dad?_ It asked.

_Yes, Harry, it's me. It's safe to go now. I won't let him hurt you._

There was a shudder, like a mental earthquake. Behind the barrier, Severus could see Dumbledore gearing for an attack. There wasn't much time.

_Harry, please. Come with me. Come._

The light brightened.

_Really? It's safe? I don't want to hurt anymore._

Severus felt his heart wrench at the soft voice, the pain and suffering evident.

_I promise you, Harry. I won't let that happen anymore. Trust me._

The ball of light brightened even further.

_Really? _The light was building.

_Yes, Harry, a bit more. Come on, son, you can do it. _

Suddenly, the light flashed bright. The green blazed into a full fury of light, spinning madly around. The barrier containing Dumbledore crumbled into dust and forced him backward sending him spiraling out as he disappeared in a cloud of dust. There was a mournful wail as he was pushed outward from the light, and an echoing cry.

Severus stumbled back, unable to shield himself from the brightness. He found himself pushed backward too, but it was gentle and kind.

_Thank you, dad. _The light said. _Thank you…_

* * *

Severus was jolted back to the present. He was lying in the Hospital Wing, the covers pulled up to his chest. On his left, a shimmering silver wolf lay fast asleep. Fatigue threatened to drag him under again but he forced his eyes open and propelled himself to his feet. He had to see his son. He grimaced as a wave of lightheadedness hit him when his feet hit the ground. The Hospital Wing was empty save for the bed on his right and that was where Harry slept. He could see his dark mop of hair sticking out at odd angles, could see his pale skin and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. Severus stumbled forward and almost tripped when the silver wolf growled.

"Where do you think you're going, Severus?"

A voice asked and Severus glanced up to see Remus leaning against the heavy doors. He looked tired, his old robes more ragged than ever.

"I need to see my son," Severus rasped. He coughed at the dryness in his throat. Remus stepped forward and conjured a glass of cool water. He pushed Severus back on the bed and his weakened legs gave way. He pushed the glass into his hands.

"Drink," he commanded gently. Severus complied, disgruntled. When he finished the glass of water, he set it on the side table and made to get up again. Remus' hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"No, you have to rest," he said pushing Severus back to lie down on the bed. Severus was so surprised and tired that his body seemed to move on its own accord sliding backward and into the bed. Remus seemed surprised at his easy compliance but said nothing as he slid his wand out of his pocket and charmed the covers to tuck themselves around his best friend. Severus struggled.

"I want to see my son!" he snarled. In the bed beside him, Harry stirred. Severus froze.

* * *

Slowly, Harry crawled out of unconsciousness. He felt oddly refreshed, as if all the darkness had left and that he was safe, that he was him again. His mind brought him back briefly to the possession and he cringed, forcibly pushing all the dark emotions away. He was safe. His dad had promised him no more hurt. His dad had promised him that he was safe. Where was he anyway?

As if on cue, he heard his dad's angry voice cut through his muddled thoughts.

"I want to see my son!" It sounded angry, and Harry felt a jolt of fear pass him before it faded into contentment. His dad was angry that he couldn't see him. Harry was loved. For so many years in his life with the Dursleys, that was all he wanted. He forced his eyes open slowly, cautiously. He had woken enough times in the Hospital Wing to know that the sudden light would cause his retinas to burn and pain to lance through his head.

"Harry?" came a soft voice as a hand cupped his cheek. Harry sighed and turned his face toward the hand and inhaled. It smelled like a faint mix of potions. He thought he could discern some but he decided not to try. Instead, he focused on the smell and inhaled again.

"Harry?" the voice asked again and Harry opened his eyes fully.

"Dad?" he whispered as a smile touched his lips. His dad's anxious face hovered above him.

"Harry," Severus exhaled. Without warning, he pulled his son gently into his arms and held him close.

"Thank you, dad," Harry said, his voice muffled by his father's clothes.

"For what?" Severus asked as Harry pulled back.

"For saving me."

Severus smiled.

"No, son. Thank you for saving me."

Father and son smiled and this time, Harry pulled his father into a hug. Remus conjured a patronus to watch over them and slipped quietly out the door.

* * *

Harry smiled as he stepped out of his room, running a hand through his hair as he did so.

"How do I look, dad?" he asked as Severus stepped out of his.

"Excellent," Severus said with a smile. "But," he stepped forward and adjusted Harry's tie. "Perfect."

Harry smiled.

It had been three months since Dumbledore's death and although Voldemort still existed and was still plotting to murder him, he knew he was safe, safe with the knowledge that his father would be there to protect him.

Harry fidgeted nervously as Severus checked the wards in their quarters.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Severus asked, concerned.

Harry looked down at his shoes and back at Severus again. "What do I tell them?" he asked. It was his first day back at school, after all. He had lots to catch up, but in the three months of his recovery from Dumbledore's possession and subsequent death, his father had taught him much. He hadn't seen his friends though and he was nervous at the prospect of meeting Ron and Hermione.

Severus sighed. "Tell them the truth, Harry. Tell them what happened that day and the days before. Tell them what both Remus and I saw in the Headmaster's office that day."

Harry started and nodded. He didn't expect his father to trust his friends so much after what happened. Harry didn't blame his friends for what they did for it was none of their faults. They made their way out of their quarters.

"You know, dad," Harry said as they turned the corner. "You never did tell me why the portraits died." They had decided to refer to it that way. After all, it sounded better than what it actually was. People liked to put something nice in front of the truth to mask the true horror of it because the truth was always an ugly thing. It was human nature.

"Betrayal," Severus said tightly. He never did get over the carnage he saw despite his many years on the field as a pseudo Death Eater. "Hogwarts sensed the betrayal of the one it trusted the most. It couldn't take it."

"But why only the Headmaster's office though?" Harry mused.

"It's not just the Headmaster's office, Harry. The school has been affected in many ways. You haven't been up there so you wouldn't know. The Great Hall ceiling has stopped showing the weather, the portraits are all deaf and mute, the suits of armour have all stopped walking. Worse of all, the portraits that guard the dormitories no longer do their job. Professor McGonagall has had to station prefects and teachers at the door to let the right students in."

"Oh," Harry said, unable to find another way to address the explanation. Suddenly, his nervousness peaked.

Betrayal… He had been trying to figure out what he was feeling about Dumbledore's flight and now he knew. His father had put words to it exactly like a label to a plant part. He felt like Hogwarts now, betrayed. Some parts of him weren't working right, weren't functioning the way they were meant to function. He couldn't think of the past because the past was a shattered mirror, a distorted reflection of himself. He couldn't bring himself to meet his friends like this, he couldn't because he couldn't fix something else that was broken when he himself was broken.

"Harry?" Severus asked, concern shining in his eyes. "You okay?"

Harry tried to smile but it came out slightly lopsided. "I-I'm just nervous," he muttered.

Severus smiled and ruffled his hair.

"Don't be, Harry. I'll be right beside you all the way."

_The End._


End file.
